life of blessings.purity.faith

moved

2007-07-23T03:08:00.001+08:00

http://iamloved.wordpress.com

just... thoughts.

2007-07-22T23:54:00.001+08:00

"Lord, I still want to go. Look at the life there. It seems so different. Life here is like bleaghh.. so boring. everyday things are just like that, not much challenges. Who says I can't serve you there? I'll still love You for who You are, and with who I am. But Lord, I do admit that all these doesn't matter. I just want You to speak to me. I'm sick and tired of myself being so fickle minded already. Today is the day I will hear from You, for I won't let go till You speak, and tomorrow I will do something about it."

"Do you realise that none of the points you listed above carry My name? Where's Me in your life? Is it just to serve? What's the point of being able to serve if something else is not right? Life here seems mundane, because you caused it to be. What your life here is like depends on your actions and decision."

"I want Your peace to be with me as I decide. And I've been doing everything according to my mood. I eat, dress, talk, potray facial expression etc according to my mood. And I can't control my mood. So what've been controlling my life so far? Is it You? Or something else? THings that seem like responsibility? or activities? Lord, I don't know. Please teach me how to lift my emotions and moods into Your hands, for I do not want it to define who I am."

These few weeks have been torturous, especially when people ask me "so have you decided?" I will try my best to give the politically correct answer, and say which side I'm prone to choosing, or something to cover up or escape from the answer - that I am fickle and have yet to decide after sooo long. But these few weeks, I really grew sick and tired of trying to avoid, cover up, escape or being oblivious to reality - by not choosing. Some people said, not making a choice is a choice in itself. THough well aware that it doesn't apply in this context, I stubbornly tell that to myself. Sheesh. But I know deep inside that there's no peace, and I'm slowly dying because many other feelings come into play.

I feel so angry, frustrated and irritated with myself I don't even know who I am. I don't know what I'm doing and once again, I became the 'don't know' girl. TO the point sometimes I wonder why must I know God's will? Why can't I just put spiritual life as the low priority since that's between me and God? It doesn't mean that I'll fall away. Some people say it'll be a test of your relationship with God. Yes, that's true. If I succeed, praise the Lord, I grow stronger. If I fail, then I don't know. Probably I'll struggle and dry up. Is it then worth the risk? High risk, high returns, that's true. I look at those who can go and pursue what they want to, and envy them. These people either don't know God or don't know Him that well, and think that God is just God, doesn't matter where you are. Then why am I so troubled because I love God so much I don't wanna settle for something less, while being troubled should not even come from the Lord? Is there then something wrong with me? Cos obviously there's nothing wrong with God.

This week's sermon for cell and service has left me in deep yearning and thoughts for more of the K.O.G. That I am not satisfied where I am, and I know that neither is He satisfied where I am. So I settled down today and prayed.

I realised our value in God. When I buy something, I'll see how much I'm willing to pay for that thing and if that is worth it. I am sure that is how a proper deal is made. So similarly, our value in God is equal to the value of Jesus in God. If God values us only one cent less than Jesus, the deal would be called off since it's no longer worth it. Can you imagine, when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac, he was in such burden and pain before he finally agreed. In comparison, God also did the same thing, only with Jesus, the Son of God. How even more painful is that? THe thing is that Abraham did so only because God asked him to, and it grew out of the love for God. But God did so voluntarily, that He was willingly exchanged His Son for hmm.. us?! Comparing Abraham and God, can we then compare the target audience being God and us? How different is that?! I then see how valuable I am in the eyes of God..

FOr those of you who are still not convinced that Jesus died for us individually, that the value of Jesus is not equal to the collective corporate value of mankind, look at this. In Mark 5:1, it says that Jesus was so tired He was already sleeping, and after calming a storm, he reached Gadarenes. Once He reached there, He met an oppressed man and delivered him from Legion, the spirits. If the man was alive presently, he would be locked up in mental hospital, deemed useless to society. In v21, Jesus crossed over again back to where He came from. This means that after such a tiring day, His mission of going to Gadarenes was to deliver THAT man. If He was willing to do that for the 'crazy' man, what more to us?

Seriously, I am rather overwhelmed by God's goodness right now. That I know I have to choose the BEST option God has for me, and not only avoiding what is not right. SOmetimes, things might seem ok, nothing wrong with that, but is that what God has called you to do? Is that what is BEST for you from God? =)

Personality..

2007-07-03T09:19:00.000+08:00

This is what you do when you're too bored at work..

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

What American City Are You?

2007-07-02T12:05:00.000+08:00

Beats me how accurate this is.

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.
You're totally weird and very proud of it.
Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way.

Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

Pure Heart

2007-06-24T22:00:00.000+08:00

A PURE HEART, THAT'S WHAT I LONG FOR
A HEART THAT FOLLOWS HARD AFTER THEE

A HEART THAT HIDES YOUR WORD
SO THAT SIN WILL NOT COME IN
A HEART THAT'S UNDIVIDED
BUT ONE YOU RULE AND REIGN
A HEART THAT BEATS COMPASSION
THAT PLEASES YOU MY LORD
A SWEET AROMA OF WORSHIP
THAT RISES TO YOUR THRONE

God, many times I think, what do You want from me. Do You want my love, effort, time or life? But soon I realised that all that come in a package. When I have a pure heart, a heart that is after You, it will all be natural. It is the same as the 10 commandments. When it gets to the point it doesn't need to be enforced in me, to keep to them, but it's simply natural, and imprinted in my heart. Similarly, as long as I have a heart pure to follow after You, all that becomes natural. It doesn't need to be with painstaking effort, the point when fellowship and communion with You is a desire and no longer a discipline. God, that is what I really want.

I don't want to pass the point of no return, where I have passed the point of repentance, and I can't get close to You anymore. Lord, I don't want to be so hardened that I don't sense You anymore. I want more, there must be something more than just this.

Holy discontent. God has put in every single one of us this element of being unsatisfied with the world around us. Just like Mother Teresa who was frustrated and saddened when she sees young orphans on the streets starving, she started to take them in and care for them. Most of the time, it is tightly connected to the calling of God in our lives. I do have a 'holy discontent' too. I am not contented with the way society has shaped people's thinking. Call it depression or whatsoever, but I think anorexia, bitter and angst are simply a few ways youth nowadays express their emotions being cooped inside themselves.

I just did the most careless thing in life. I have overlooked the Freshman Guide from NUS and missed out on a lot of things. Firstly, the AP credit application. It's closed this Friday. Secondly, I didn't submit the Matriculation Card Form, when the due date was 4 Jun 2007. They stated, 'Students who did not return Form A by the deadline will be regarded as turning down the offer'. Thirdly, I don't know if the MOE Tuition Grant application has closed, or not yet open, but I can't apply. Sheeesh. While everything in Emory is done properly, my NUS application is like crap. Can you imagine, if they are strict about this, I will need to take modules which I can actually be exempted from, like Economics; I won't be able to enter any university in Singapore, or I have to pay the full amount of 25K, while I can actually save 19K and pay only 6K. Goodness, Joce, what's on your mind??

Seriously, I WANT to go US. But somehow I feel that I might be better off in Singapore. Especially my spiritual life. If with such strong spiritual support over here my spiritual life is already relatively unstable, I so can't imagine what it'll become over there. But somehow, the thought of a life there really perks me up. I'm excited, and can't wait to lead a different life. My flesh wants to go, but I think I'll be better here. Especially when I'm in the presence of God, the thought is always, I don't care about anything else, I just want this. But when I'm out of it, my flesh still wants to go. I need one of the 2 things - 1. someone to assure me I can find strong spiritual support in Atlanta. I just need a good support, not asking for a fantastic church. 2. someone to scold me and convince me that I should let go of the 'fun' I perceive to have over there. Maybe I will call Prince Charming one of these days. Ha!!

I'm like soooo fat now. Auntie said, yeah la girl. Your butt so big now. HAIZ. Everyday I step onto the weighing machine and I thought, I should bang the wall, go for liposuction, or continue eating and just don't care. Since already so fat, then just eat and get fatter lo. Ok, I'm actually thinking of skipping dinner everyday for maybe 1 month, going yoga, golf and swimming. Argh, I just can't stand it anymore. I need the discipline, motivation and determination. ARGHHH!!!! To quote steph, the butt is obviously bigger. the hips is widers. the thigh .. oh god enough said. the face get rounder. yucks. Your club is 'how to lose 3kg in 10 days' right, I don't mind 'losing 10kg in 3months'. ARGHHHH. Stevi, maybe I'll go Korea to find you and go some slimming stuff. Haha. I'm kidding about liposuction, or plastic surgery all that, but I seriously need to do something about my weight. I hate the way my thighs and butt is sticking to the pants, or the wobble I feel everytime I walk, or the extra flap when I lift up my hands. Argh.

Alaska

2007-06-21T16:16:00.000+08:00

Here am I sitting in Goldman Sachs, reading, researching and trying so hard to digest all the dense materials. Being a newbie to finance and all that is related, I need extra time and effort to digest all the information. Hence, my new found friend - investopedia.com. Till I found out that I can actually sign in here and blog! Gosh! I shall blog on my experience here next time. I'm feeling really guilty actually...

Alaska has been really fun and beautiful. I mean it's really different from other holidays where it is just city, history, culture, scenery, shopping etc. One word for this trip - nature. Where we had the Tundra Wilderness Tour and can only observe tiny white dots on the mountains and tell ourselves that they are dall sheep, or being quiet when we saw grizzly bears soooo far away not for our own safety but for the bears' peace? Weather was simply fabulous and scenery was very fantastic. I realised one thing - I love the sky. The sun, and the clouds especially. And one song rings through all these while - the splendor of the King, clothe in majesty... how great is our God, sing with me how great is our God... Anyway that was the road trip. We went for a few more activities, like heli flying to the glacier, which is simply awesome. When the sun shines on the glacier, it melts and reflects the blue rays. So imagine sky blue water on white ice. How heavenly. Fishing - river fishing was fine, though I keep getting stuck, I caught 2 fishes anyhow. They were released back cos of the love of nature, as Alaskans put it. Bottom-water fishing was fun. Enjoying the scenery while chattering under the cold wind generated by the speedboat travelling in the vast open sea, we cast out the bait into the 300-feet sea. Reeling in alone without fish is hard and tiring. It was fun. We caught 6 fish in total, with Jac's halibut weighing about 12pounds and my pacific cod weighing 7pounds. No wonder our muscle ached for the next few days, considering we don't exercise at all for the past 20 years. Yeah, and many more cool stuff, like whale watching, Salmon Bake. There were a lot of cultural and historical stuff too, where 9000 years ago the different tribes staying in Alaska, how their houses are like, their way of life, which is closely related to survival since there were about 1 bear per square mile of land in average, and how they keep themselves warm at freezing temperatures. Very interesting indeed.

We didn't shop very much, since they were selling jewellery only at every alternate shops. Mom kept on saying, i want bigger, and better quality. I saw a 15-carat yellow diamond, princess cut. It was BIG. But didn't catch my attention anyways. Still not my time to be able to appreciate diamonds for their price I guess. I won't mind people giving me, but I won't fork out my own money for them - not yet. Heh. Other than jewellery shops, there were only gift shops. So what do you expect me to buy? I was dying to see a city then, which explains my happiness when I reached LA.

Cruising was fun. We ate a lot, since food is readily available and free 24 hours in the day. Since daylight is about 18 to 20 hours, we don't know how late it already is when we eat at 10pm. Wells, maybe ignorance is bliss. But you suffer the consequences anyway. With fats wobbling around, I just feel so disgusted by myself. I'm trying to regain my way of eating still. Since we do not need to change hotels or travel by land often, cruising is very relaxing.

I realised that I'm not so much into deep thinking as I used to be. That puzzled me actually. Is it good or bad, to not think so much, but just walk everyday as it is. I just feel a little bit lost actually, cos I need to have a vision and purpose, not only knowing them but keeping them close to my heart and the feel of being right in the middle of the plan of God. Not the fact that I am in it, but I want the feel. If I go on this way and not look at the big picture, I will end up going to Emory. Haha. Cos in the physical realm that attracts me, contradictory to the spiritual and emotional realm. Help.

Just thinking...

2007-06-21T16:14:00.000+08:00

These 2 days we had our Emerge Conference. It has been GOOD.

Ok, pardon me. I thought that Emerge every year is just like that - hype, excitement, fun - surfaces. Yes, we do feel the presence of God, get revelation, etc. But year by year it seems that after a few months, the fire dies off. Maybe due to the lack of 'emphasis' of these slower stuff.

That brings me to the next point. In church, sometimes we really take worship, praying, paise, etc as the basic, that we leave it to Bible Study and cell groups. During service, we preach about 'BIG' topics instead - Sermon On The Mount, Cultural Mandate etc. Sometimes I don't understand how the new believers, those who are yet to join cell groups and start Bible Study are going to grow spiritually. I guess that's where discipleship comes in. That every single member has to be committed in discipleship, both in being discipled and discipling. That when Sunday comes, it is the bigger picture, where the sight of the whole church unite, everyone moving on from one place to another. It is TOUGH for the new believers, but we are supposed to stand as strong as possible for them, and not wait for them to approach us, but we go forth and get interested in their lives.

But anyway, this year Emerge was very different. You see Pst. Kong preach about Shamgar the first session - how there were only 2 verses about him and yet managed to single-handedly kill 600 Philistines. Simply because he had a powerful prayer life, was audacious, went for the anointing, was willing, and had persistence. How simple is that? How basic is that? Have we forgotten that despite the Higher Calling into the marketplace, we can never excel if we don't have these attitudes? Even when we seem to know these, it's no use knowing and YET not having it. No use having it and YET not living a life of it. Night was about brokenness - how Jacob met God, wrestled with Him, refused to let go, till God touched, and he broke on the inside, walked with a limp the rest of his life. Broken, God, can I be one for you?

Today as I was worshipping God, I was thinking. Touch. Encounter. Experience. Experience is just a one-time thing. Oh, I experienced something special - so what? Touch - much better and closer than experience. But then again, touch is one way right? When God touches you, held you. The love and mecy flows out from Him, it's stil up to you to capture it, to let it linger behind to change your life, or not. It is really encounter that I am looking for. Encounter is the moment when you meet someone, not physically, but when spirit joins with spirit. It is truly when two hearts come together open as one, a two-way dialogue.

This year Emerge, Lord I pray will not just be a GOOD experience, nor will it just be a touch from You. Lord, I want an encounter, I want a wrestle, and I want to be broken. When I look back, I realised that I've been living such a life in the flesh, everything seems to be fine, or IS fine, but where is my spiritual sensitivity? Where is my spiritual discernment and the wait upon the Lord. How long has it been since I last prayed? Had I been too comfortable with my life, there being no stressor AT ALL, that I forgot to look for Him for strength? Because it is EASY to walk when things are EASY - actually that doesnt mean you dont need God, joce. There is a spectrum in life, always. Take well-being for example. BAD ---- FINE ---- GOOD. All these while my life has been fine, or GOOD. But is there something better?? Now I finally understand what Pastor meant when he said, 'do something more meaningful with you life'. More than what Chris refers to as GOSTW, it is not just hanging out with frens, having fun, passing time. Time, energy, anointing is all you need to find a need and meet it, find a hurt and heal it. Joce, do you know you can be giving so much more Bible Study classes, talking to your members on the phone, discipling them - all for the glory of God?? Only if you are willing and hungry.

God, You have come to me again and again, telling me 'no eyes have seen, no ears have heard, what I will do through you and for you, ONLY IF you give Me all of you. You know very well yourself what's in your heart, all I ask of you, is you.' At that point, I cry, repent, etc. As time passes by, I get back to my old self. God, I am sick and tired of me being so comfortable that I am passive, have no sense of urgency for Your kingdom, can You please help? Sick, joce, sick. No one to talk to about this, since no one understands me in this area at all. No one understands the big picture I am looking at. Stop living in self deceit and self denial.

Now I understand why uncle john said that your psychological maturity will affect your spiritual life. Struggling all the while with instability or rather inconsistency, as Dora put it, has not been helping AT ALL. God, if You can change Simon, who's as unstable as lalang into Peter, a solid rock, definitely You are the only one who can help me too!!

Sometimes I wonder. If people want to do so many things in the Lord and for the Lord, and run wild in their own minds, which will happen. I mean God seldom speaks audibly, and His prompting is as soft or even softer than our 'voice' that people often mistaken them together. What if these people don't come back, don't pull back and don't soften down again. What if they slip away? Won't God be so sad? I mean in the first place these ppl dream BIG dreams because they want to do it for God, so desperate for more of God, and yet are not fulfilled, get disappointed, and backslide, doesn't it mean that they already have the potential in the first place? Not as if they've been a smooth-sailing Christian all these while who believed in Jesus because they are afraid to go to Hell.

God, I need revelation, I need fresh anointing, I need a clear mind. Enough being the 'I don't know' girl. It's really NOT FUN. It doesn't fulfil my spirit at all. God, a heart, so pure, one that's after You...

Can everything be simple?

2007-05-21T22:08:00.000+08:00

I hate myself being this way. But then again, God loves me. Constantly having battles against my inner self, torture is the word to describe.

Life has been a living hell for the past 2 months.

There are indeed things to thank God for, of course - people around me, loving & caring for me, especially in Medan; the chance to learn things; God; material blessings (another thing to not fret for); family; and simply the gift of life. Actually, that is enough rite? =)

Yeah, I think so. But I can't deny a fact - I am INDECISIVE. And I hate that. Universtiy option has been one thing in my mind. Sometimes I question why do I have to choose, why do I want to know Your will, why are things so complicated, WHY DO I THINK SO MUCH. But then again, this is Your will for me and I thank You for the chance to even choose. God, please, don't take away this 'right' away from me. And don't take away that 'want' to know Your will away from me. I thank You for that.

Look at me. Even over here, I am already having a battle in my mind. Sigh.

Sometimes I will be so over-whelmed by the complexity of every single thing on earth, that I become confused. Top phrase on my 'Most Spoken' List would be I don't know. Walking around confused, I rather don't walk around, rather don't GOSTW. And before anything happens, I realised I've wasted 2 months of my time. Made me dislike myself even more. Die, I'm rumminating!! sheesh.

Why is life so complex? Why is God so complex? The Holy SPirit is here to give us understanding and to make things simple, but the Holy Spirit Himself is complex?! Arghh!!! I can just continue walking, hoping to get closer to God, who is the only one who can answer my questions, when I decide to ask Him.

University Options - killing me. Singapore or US - I don't know. If I stay, which uni in Singapore, I don't know too. At first, when I got the US offer, I was more excited than anything else, went around looking for opinions and information, which ocnfused me. Telling myself that in the end, it's about God, which it really is, I prayed and fasted over it, asked God again and again for signs. In the end, I am STILL confused. It comes to the point information and knowledge doesn't matter anymore, one word, You know I will follow. But then again, what if God has ALREADY shown me the sign, has ALREADY spoken to me and I missed it? Knowing that I will know in the end what God's will is, I think I'm already so confused that even if I start to know, I will start to question is God speaking to me, that I think again. <- this is how confused I am. How then would I know in the end? Don't ask me, I DON'T KNOW.

Just pray that I will know ok?

Staying is good - church, family, friends, comfort zone. It is bad - dependent, immature as I can be.

Going is good - experience, exposure, independent. It is bad - not as good a church, no family, friends, comfort zone.

Muahaha. I don't know. Sigh.. Help, God, help.

I realised recently that I am an escapist. very bad. Anything that I don't want to do or to be in, I'll find my way to escape. Most of the time I can. But this is bad, it has or is becoming a habit. And really, almost all the time I can find ways to escape. Is going to US a way of escaping? Maybe. I don't know. Is staying an escape too? Maybe too. I don't know either. See, so what do I know? Well, that God is faithful.

ARGH!!!!!! I hate myself being this way...

To Andy.

2007-04-14T02:05:00.000+08:00

Ok, back from HK. Never spent sooo much in my whole life before, bought Canon 400D, Sony viao 370p, and many accessories, bags, and clothings. bleagh.. feel bad and guilty about it. Nevertheless, I had loads of fun.

Thanks, for going. Really really enjoyed my time with you. =) Like what you said, it was much better than expected. All the laughter, fun and jokes we had were memorable, as well as the special moments where things happened (like your SPA experience!) haha. Good good. But more than just the fun, we had much time to chat, open up and share, which is good. Despite all the 'silliness', I know I have someone to turn to. =) Thanks. Really grateful for you.

Yes, the supposedly 2 days trip turned out to be one week, as usual. when there's me, holidays are always extended. So 2 things you have to do: leave your return ticket open and leave your days after the holiday free! Haha, it happened in US, and this time again. Andy said it was my fault I didn't tell him that I want to extend or persuade him not to take honours, if not we would be going to an around the world tour together. Yes, everything is my fault, sorry sorry ok? *winks* In the end you still extended what, and it was worthed, so it's good rite? =)

SPA (both the fish and Shenzhen ^.^ one), where you got molested, PP, SHui Jiao, random questions and jokes, shopping (miss sixty & Levi's eh.) and having fun looking at things, taking photos, calculating how much we spent and how long we've walked together, convincing me to get your favourite brand - sony, and SLR, etc. Many more! Haha. Simple enjoyed my time with you. Gosh! and I love you 10 Dollars! that was hilarious. haha! =)

Haha. Ok la, still missing the trip, missing you. But then again, life goes on right. Although I am not totally back to reality (neither are you), I will try my best to think about Atlanta, so please don't assume that I am going. =) I know your honours is really tough, but please don't get discouraged and continue to push on ok? =) Two months is really short, and I will see you in June again anw. =) Meanwhile, really spend time working on your thesis, reading your journals, data, information etc. It's not easy but just hang on there! I will support you through prayers over here and simply being here. =) Please sleep well, have a clear mind, cos that's the least you can do to do well. Everything happens in a cycle remember? =) so please don't let yourself get caught in a vicious cycle where bad thinkings cause you fall. You want to prove to yourself and others, just like any other people, hence you need to stand strong in your thinking. And may the peace of God be with you so you can sleep well, it's tough having too fast a brain eh? Can't stop one. Haha! =)

All your worries, concerns as well as plans for your family, let's keep it strong ok? Maybe sometimes they don't seem to be as 'supportive' or what, but know that deep down, they will LOVE it if we do it for them. =) So don't be shaken by their reaction, nor be discouraged. =)

Ok, we have to keep our deal ok? To repay this family by working hard, treasuring every single moment that we have, really being obedient to them, showing them care and concern like no other people can, and keeping on the strong bond together. =) =)

Take care and God bless. Looking forward to seeing you again. =) Thanks for being there.

With love,
joce

China - Day 1

2007-04-07T00:55:00.002+08:00

I am seriously very very tired now. Yesterday was another emotional one for me. Last day of work, I thought I would be happy, but once I stepped into the office, I wasn't. I was quite sad. =( Had a nice 'farewell' lunch with Auntie Vincy, Anishia and Rebecca. Then Boni, Raymond and Amy brought me to Ben & Jerry's. =)

Ok, I'm more into today stuff. Long day.. Woke up at 3.30am cos I couldn't fall asleep and my flight was 7.15am. Tossed and turned, till I could no longer stand it when I got out of bed at 5am. Tired.

Plane ride was fun. =) Had a good good chat with Andy, Mum and Dad. Talked about many things, from his thesis, SUMO, problems, dilemmas, etc. =) Very glad that I got the chance to listen and share with people. Haha. My parents teared many times as they talked to me. =( But that's cos they love me and I know it.

Upon reaching China, everything was fine, weather was good, etc. Lunch was WEIRD. Nice place, loads of privacy, nature etc. Good food, except for the first dish where they served this weird looking jelly like thing. Supposedly very good and expensive, and since I can eat every food on earth, my dad gave me. It's like a piece of transparent jelly with some wormy- or herb- looking like thing. The more I looked at it, the more I got turned off. Then I decided not to even try, I tried to try, but just couldn't. eeeewww. gross. They treated us real nice, and when I mentioned I want to look at laptops, they brought me to the Electric City. Everything was fine, indeed good.

Dad and the rest of the uncles went to look at factory; while we were looking at electronics. Until we got a call from Dad, he got allergy reaction. And the medicine was with us. Knowing my dad, it must be real difficult on him before he would say anything, or even call urgently. We rushed down to the hotel which is at the Valley outside the city. The only thing I could do was PRAY. PRAY PRAY PRAY.

When we reached the hotel room, he was on the bed, gasping for air. He was all purple, had an oxygen tank beside him. Doctors checking on him, he was swollen. Gosh, I could only pray even more. Now I know why God made me go for this trip. Everything was chaotic, there was difficulty in explaining Clarityne and some other medicines. Gan Ma in Medan was uncontactable, in salon. everyone was having holiday! Then things start to settle down, when the medicine started working. =) But still went to hospital to do blood test and check overall. And thank God, you know what? Gan Ma talked to the doctor there and they gave him medicine. When we checked, it was exactly the same medicine he brought from Indo. Clarytine and one more. How stupid is that? Haha. Well, I think its really God's will for me to 'miss Easter' and be there.

After that we went for SPA. It's sooo cool! Cos they have pools with different aromas. From Chinese Herbs to Lemon to Coconut and Coffee, my favourite is still the rice wine pool (my mom said I'm jiu gui -alcoholic freak-) haha! I also liked the experience of fish spa where there's fish in the pool, thousands of them, and they start biting you, eating the dead callous on the skin. It was real disgusting to see thousands of fish eating you. www.riyuegu.com take a look at the hotel I'm staying in, with the spa. Real nice. =)

A long and tiring day, but I still thank God for everything. Probably tml there's a change of plan, I might be going HK and Shenzhen, do some shopping. Want anything, sms me. haha. =)

Will blog on my feelings when I'm more awake. But today, a scary thing happened. Probably I'll think about it some time soon. =))

Saturday - 31/3/07

2007-04-03T17:08:00.000+08:00

"Don't know la, get in first then say. Never get don't even need to think or discuss", you might often hear me saying this previously. Now, you would hear me saying, "how?!" -

Saturday was eventful. Starting a Saturday at 6.30am with the excuse that I need to think about interview Q&A, I prayed. Interview was alright- it's more of a business discussion, about the issue of Starbucks opening in Forbidden City. I would say that I was relatively lucky with a topic that I sort of knew about, hence it became more like a GP class. The professor was wearing singlet, sunglasses and cap, and he was muscular. A Korean guy, the last profession I would think of would be professor. Wrote an essay on Materialism. I thank God, for everything. That it went off alright. Not that it's fantastic, but it was still a relief that it's over. One by one, His face shows, as long as we continue to keep Him close.

After that, I fed my soul with very interesting cases Uncle John and Dr.Ang have met so far. The purpose of us going was Jessica's consultation. I learnt the importance of being curious and more than that, the structure of the brain at a glance. How limbic system affects the way you feel, and then the way you think, and in turn how you feel again. So we 'ruminate' in that vicious cycle. We can stop it actually. =) Too many cases to be written here, but it was good. I felt so connected and satisfied in my soul once again. Had a nice lunch on top of that too. =)

Later that night, I checked the admission decision for Emory. Previously, Dad was showing me the recent BusinessWeek on S-1 Business Programme, and Emory was ranked 4th. Not that it matters greatly, but the word simply kept on popping out these few days. When I opened the newspaper on Sunday and looked at the SMU advert, the President of Law School used to teach in Emory. Emory again, I thought it was a school no one knows.

Dear Jocelin,
Congratulations on your acceptance to Emory College! The standardized tests, the paperwork, and the waiting are all at an end, and you have arrived at an important beginning. It gives me great pleasure to invite you to join the Emory University community as a member of our entering class. Your academic record is an impressive match for our challenging learning environment.

And it goes on....

Now is the time for me to think through it, go, or stay? I have learnt to shut out all voices around me, but retreat and isolate myself in the silence of God. For in the natural realm, it's more than obvious that I want to go. However, I really want to know God's will for me and I don't want to miss out on what He wants me to do. I dont want to be at the wrong place and the wrong time with the wrong people doing the wrong things. As long as one aspect is 'wrong', I won't want it anymore. Lord, can you guide me? Please?

2 worries: 1. Let go of everything here
2. Lead a new life there.

However, it seems as if the 2nd worry is already diminished with Mimi I-i and WeiSiong Su2 there. Is this part of God's plan too?

I don't know. And for now, I can only pray.......

After the news, I went for BBQ, had loads of fun. Is that a day or a day? :) And Joce is a happy girl, other than the fact she has to choose.

Pretty crazy babe.

2007-04-02T09:59:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to my new found laming buddy, as requested. Though I have already wanted to write abt her. =)

w345 had b-wheeled & BBQ in an attempt to fellowship at a much higher level <- organised by Michelle. or rather, it's an attempt to see me fall and take photos of that, which she claimed to be the highlight of the day, due to my totally absent skill on wheels. Or maybe she was trying to change my cell group from being tai-tai to sporty. Oh well, in the end she was the one who was influenced and became a tai-tai. But it was more than a success afterall. =))

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle. In AH, I had friends who had a crush on her, especially when she was on court. haha! After I got to know her, I understood what is having a Christ-like attitude, meekness and having a heart after God's own. She struck me as one who is very determined, and the joy of the Lord overflows from her to others, that makes her soo lovable and well-liked. Thank God for her. =)

BBQ was VERY fun! With her around, of course. She was the one who suan me, tried to push me to the pool (trying can only go that far! haha), and spread the chocolate war (I started, she spread). =D 'rip your shirt' like how she ripped her chicken wings; and realised that there is blood and whining to Lengkian and Hengyi that her chicken got blood (come on, if u hear her, you'll be thinking is that tai-tai or tai-tai?) Jokes after jokes, teasing after teasing; she was also one who makes me have nothing to say, she's just so proficient in suan-ning me that I can't rebut. haha! That's what Michelle DOES.

However, to me, it's not about what she DOES, but who she really IS. And I love her. And with her around, I'm always high. (But I don't want to have the Holy Laughter when she gives altar call. >.<) I have promised her not to tease her and disturb her everytime I see her, and I won't - because I love her. =)

:(

2007-03-29T09:20:00.000+08:00

Stepping on the new weighing machine that I bought, I got a shock. I don't know how, I gained 2kgs in a day, though I consumed only a cheese stick in the morning, a bread for lunch and a proper dinner. How?! And I have checked again and again, there's nothing wrong with the machine. Must be the shit inside me again, literally I mean shit.

Thank You

2007-03-24T21:13:00.000+08:00

God, You spoke. Today. Again. And I thank You more than anything else for that. Like what I told Lou and Chris, one thing that I can't let go is really my relationship with You. Even if all else dies off, one thing that I won't let go, or rather, I won't let myself let go, is You.

Lord, I know I am stubborn. Somehow, I yearn and yearn and the desire doesn't get me anywhere. Probably I am way too comfy at where I am. I need to MOVE! move on, progress. come on, Joce. Argh. I thank You for speaking, but thank You even more for the promise. Promise that You will make me like Simon Peter, from one who's as unstable as lalang to a rock. And I choose to believe in it. Cos it doesn't feel good being a lalang. bleagh..

FIRST LOVE; PASSION; FIRE; HUNGER; THIRST. GOD!!!

Reading Jingxuan's blog on nostalgia. People leaving. Yesh, what she said was true. Too many people left; too many restructuring; too many changes; tooo many..... That brought me to thinking, people move on. From one level to another, Jingxuan from UM ministry which she held so dear to CG ministry; Hil in US who is studying sooo hard; Pris in China who starts to miss a strong local church; and many many more. I guess this is simply part of life. For me, I have to move on too, can't be so childish and immature.

I am still, longing for myself to shine so brightly for You. And I chose to stand on the promise You made, on the vision You gave. The assurances You give again and again, the faith and peace, and most of all, the burden You placed in me hurts. Oh, how I long for it to come to pass, but like what You said, I need to make room, and let go. Let go, not of other things, but letting go of myself. I cry. Cry at the thought that You have so much in store for me, and You're there, looking, waiting for me to come. But somehow, I am still like a rubber band, stretching towards and away.

It has been with me for sooo long. And now I am starting to detest it. Sometimes I detest myself - but then again, I know You love me for who I am. As much as I tell people to love himself, I am learning too. Still praying that the spirit of self condemnation can get out. Rawr. Can't stand it..

Oh well, come to think of it, God, thank You for Your love. I am still praying, still trying, to throw everything away and follow You, even giving myself unto You. Time, effort, will, thoughts, words, EVERYTHING. simply for You. And thank You for always being there.

let the music in your heart sound.

To Jac.

2007-03-23T16:15:00.000+08:00

Thanks! Haha.

Well, how picky can we get, especially when it comes to cars? Come on, thank God I'll know how to drive soon. See who can beat us! Muahaha!! *top secret* =)

<3

Just...

2007-03-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

Things have never been better. Everything seems to be going on well, my work, relationship with friends, family, etc. Just ONE thing lacking. My discipline. Lacking of discipline to do what I am supposed to do; which is the most important thing in my life right now. And sometimes I do hate myself for that. It is so sickening to come to God every single time wanting to repent and when things go on, things go on. ok, I'm not making sense. Haha. Aiya, just me la. Everything lies with me and my laziness.

I feel the excitement in the spiritual realm. With Emerge 2007, Benny Hinn, Missions all coming together. Spiritual warfare too. Lord, I really need to pick myself up.

Joce, go. God has always been there, and will always be there. Everything lies with you now.

Education wise, overseas or stay? seriously, I prefer going overseas, for the exposure and experience. But then again, what do You want me to do? Cos I really don't want to miss out on anything that You have called me to do. So what if I get into the best university if it is not Your plan for me? Frankly speaking, I feel so good whenever I meet God here in church. Argh, direction Lord, direction.

And again, it lies with me. JOCE!!!

A Level Results!

2007-03-02T21:51:00.000+08:00

The long awaited A Level results are finally out! 'Can you check your particulars? Cos you got 4 distinctions or more, so they might send you invitation for prize giving.' my heart jumped; my limbs stopped shivering; i stopped breathing. Praise God!!

Thinking back, it was really by God's grace. Last year studying period wasn't fantastic at all, moodswings up and down; emotions; self-esteem; motivation. I thank God for simply being there, for darlings to be around me, giving me a surprise one day before exam - Sophie, Steph, Yunxi, Sam, Nianying, Susan; for angels to study with me who always push me on when it gets sooo dry- Tiff, Dora, Sean, Ming, Huixuan, Jiayin; for family who are always there to accomodate; and simply, Father in Heaven for sending all these people and lifting up my troubles everytime I come to Him.

Thank God, and thank you all for all the concern, prayers, encouragement and love. Especially to all the uncles and aunties out there, real touched that you guys cared so much. LOVE.

Now that everything is over, I just pray that God continue to guide me in His ways, that I will know what I should do next. stay? or go? if go, go where? if stay, stay where? Lord, I can't do this without You because I don't wanna run from the path You've prepared for me. Lifting myself up to You......

God is good.

Chinese New Year 07

2007-02-20T17:53:00.000+08:00

Yeah, thank God for another wonderfully enjoyable Chinese New Year. My family, me and my dearest extended family. Again, it was good. Laughing, chatting, crapping, EATING. GOSH, yeah, we ate a lot. I gained 2kgs in 2 days. great. But then again, this year, I felt a tinge of sadness. Nowadays, every single time we gather, I feel something weird. A feeling I am so unfamiliar with I want to cry. I think it's the fear of losing whatever I have now. A great family, who is more than just there but one in which every single member truly cares for. sheesh, I start to wonder, how long more are we going to stay like that? before each of us get so caught up with our own lives. School, work, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend etc. Things will never be the same again. 3 years? 5? or 10?

Even now, you can already see the groups. The young adults - jac, andy, me, vince; the in-betweens - kiki, titi, anton, clifton, sharon; the growing up kids - osbert, chris, ford, josephine; those still caught in a world of their own - jessica, joanne and probably caleb. The guys turning my computer room into a LAN gaming centre, with 5 laptops all at one go, playing CS or Dota. Some of us watching movies away, singing karaoke, etc. How long will all these last? =( Everyone seem to be more decisive about what they want and not, and arranging them alone is already so difficult. But i guess this is the process of growing up isn't it? Topics change every year. I am afraid, of losing the common interest that we have simply because we are all growing up. Am I afraid of growing up? I guess YES.

Even for myself, how long more can I last being who I am, caring and loving people around me to an extent I myself am afraid of? i don't know. How long more before I start working, having my family, that I no longer have the same amount of time and energy for this wonderful family? I don't know, I really don't.

Now there are 27 of us. When we all settle down one by one, will this still be possible?

Time flies, life goes on. Yes, I know. And I am thankful for it. Memories last. Thank God for a wonderful Chinese New Year.

Thanks all, for the great time, company, support, advice, love, and simply, just being a part of my family.

Sophie's leaving!!

2007-02-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

Yeah, SOPHIE'S leaving! Sad! I really love her a lot a lot and can't imagine the cell group without her. Yes, things will definitely change, but oh well what can I do but pray? She's really one person whom inspire me so much with just the aura she brings around her. That simple innocence yet mature feeling, bubbly and joyful yet wise; busy yet approachable; there's just something about her that draws people to her. and she's the only one who knows my EVERYTHING. sobz. But then again, she's really leaving and I will eventually let go; just that it's such a pity. Hao she bu de. The best I can do is to comtinue to keep her in prayer and that time will pass so quickly that she'll be back again rite. sophie sophie sophie.

This week has been great. Work is more than wonderful! It's so fun; with not only my mental being challenged but also my spirit and emotional being. And Auntie Vincy is more than inspiration. She asked, what makes people not pray, read the Word etc though they know that they should and God is good? Of course, first word that came was lazy, and taking it for granted. More than that, she said gratitude. It's like when you first knew God you thank Him so much, love Him so much. After that, you take Him for granted. For example, you pray for a baby and when you get it, you love the baby so much you forgot about God. Is it right? Yeah, prayer is power too. In everything you do, you can pray, even in the business sector. Auntie Vincy really taught me that other than the professional side of a job, there is also the spiritual realm and she really let me see how she can shine in the marketplace, simply because of her attitude and dependence on God. AMAZING.

Today we had singles' party; a lot of fun. Actually it's not really a singles' party, just sophie's farewell. =( it went on well, many people cried. But no one beats how cute pris is! haha. Pris, no worries, I love you. =) then Pauline was also very sad. Haiz. Video, especially the message from Zhenyi, seems so far, and Zhenyi, too, left. So it's super super sad. Soph, why must you leave? But i guess it's harder for you than for any of us too. COme to think of it, what will I feel if I go to US to study later in the year? Will I go? Can You guide my path?

Work has get me back to the routine of life. Not those in front of the computer, waiting and waiting, for no reason. Not those walking around the house aimlessly. However, it has also robbed me of my time for myself. Piano especially; and other activities. Still, for whatever amount I'm learning there, I would rather give everything I have and stay in office even if it means just surfing the net to read up some stuff. At least there's the discipline going. =)

I love people fervently, LOVE IS IN THE AIR! Woo~~

a few days.

2007-01-20T09:01:00.000+08:00

things have been quite bad these 2 days. argh, no, just that i got very bad PMS and everyday i dont sleep properly, can't sleep. so it's bad, make PMS even more. rawr.

what's the point of gaining everything if you lose your own soul?

my face is peeling, and it's burning, thanks to Retin-A. Mom say i put too much. haha. remember last time i dont even apply the medicine after i go to the doctor, and now i'm putting too much. see how different I am? =)

2 days ago the share broker came and explained everything to me. luckily he's a nice guy, always teaching, if not i would have felt even stupid-er. who ask me to not know anything about it? hah. must learn from scratch. hey joce, thank God that you got the chance to play! =) auntie vincy has been very very nice about the internship too, way too nice already.

met dear dora yesterday. =)=)=)

after that had voice. man, how can Peter be SO good? argh, i just can't express myself, and what's singing without expression? i admit i was super conscious over myself and was very nervous. haha. another side of me, i dont have confidence. =( it can be scary why i am so scared. stupid right? yeah. and chinese songs are all about loving but not being able to have it -- broken-hearted -- yeah, i dont know how it feel. haha. and i dont want to try. i shall just try singing it out anyway, but not experiencing it. =)=) all the vocal expressions, the moaning sound, airy sound etc. argh!!! i just don't get it. but it's ok, he asked me to explore at home. haha. but it was a good come-back after 1/2 year anw. =)=)

talked to lou at night, and as usual, conversation can't get shorter than 1 hour, but yesterday we crossed the line of 2 hours! crazy, that's the result of missing out too much info from about aug? haha. but still, love ya loads dear. =)

Lord, why can't everything be stable? i know i am at a much greater advantage than many people in terms of conditions and surroundings, but at least i see them trying and i am not. and i am sick and tired of myself 'repenting' everytime. it just make me disgust myself even more. i have to love myself. i have to love myself. i have to love myself.

Fires of Revival

2007-01-17T13:51:00.000+08:00

I realised I'm into blogging nowadays, which is good. =)=) maybe cos i got nth to do. haha.

Prayer meeting was more than fantastic yeasterday. Super-dee-duper refreshing in my spirit. Finally, after such a long time, that I felt His presence once more. I don't know if the holidays and being so comfortable has made my heart grown cold and that a wall is built, that as much as I want to touch Him again previously, it seems so hard. but anyway, eveyrthing was sorted out yesterday. A touch changes.. A touch from heaven melts away the ice, and breaks the walls down. yipee~ =)=) isn't it wonderful, that life with Christ gets better and better each day and here I am now, standing in front of 2007, ready to face it. Everything has been good. Quiet time, Spiritual life, and yesh! Relationship!! =)=) Ever so important -- with myself, with God and people around me. And I realise mostly that when relationship with God is good, it will be reflected in many other areas of life, especially relationship with people. Finally took a step and talked to dear dora. wah, miss her loads. haha. a few more in line. yes, i need to get it going.

a song hit me hard yesterday.

FIRES OF REVIVAL
I CAME TO THE GATHERING OF THE PEOPLE OF THE LORD
AND FOUND MY WAY AMONG THEM TO HIS THRONE
I NEEDED TO RETURN UNTO THE ALTAR OF MY GOD
TO RENEW AGAIN MY CONVENANT WITH HIM

AND THERE I BUILD AN ALTAR TO HIS NAME
AND REALIZED MY LIFE
COULD NEVER BE THE SAME
AND THEN THE FIRE OF REVIVAL
CAME SWEEPING THROUGH MY SOUL
AND I TOUCHED THE HOLY PRESENCE OF MY GOD

COME BUILD AN ALTAR UNTO THE LORD
RETURN TO WORSHIP AND HEAR HIS WORD
AND THEN THE FIRE OF REVIVAL
CAME SWEEPING THROUGH MY SOUL
AND I TOUCHED THE HOLY PRESENCE OF MY GOD

nganggur

2007-01-16T14:09:00.000+08:00

sian. everyday is just the same, nothing much to do. waking up so late, sleeping late too. And I seem to complain that there's nothing to do while the things i'm supposed to do are not done. Joce, you weren't this slack last time. boo~ and when work starts i got even less time for myself. which is bad.

Listening to Colors of the wind over and over again because of vocal lesson on Fri. Scared kena scold by Peter. haha.

Relationships have never been worse. Other than the church people, I seem to be an anti-social being. Feeling especially bad to my Hwa Chong dearies. bleagh. But i know if it drags on longer it'll be even worse. I care, I feel bad but I feel so bad about being not contacting them that I am afraid to break it. What if they're angry with me? argh. help.

Searching where I dropped myself. Pick it up. =)=)

2007..

2007-01-13T01:55:00.000+08:00

2007. a new year with new hope. Lord, my prayer for this new year is that I can get to know you better. i know this requires more than just patience in waiting for your presence, it also needs discipline, desire and i have to be careful of Distractions. So I simply lift myself up into Your hands, I thank you for being so evident in my life, but that's not enough. i know there can be something mroe to it. In this new year, please teach me how to yield myself more unto You, that I will and can seek FIRST the Kingdom of God, cos I know everything else will then fall into path. I don't want to waste my time Lord, for I know that time is short and that it also represents my life, so while I still can, I want to catch on to the dream, the opportunity and make the best out of it.

2007 has been fine for me, I guess. Nothing much to do, slacking around with DVDs, computer games, gameboy, playstation etc. rawr. this is so cannot. joce, you need to do something more worthwhile! yes i do have to. go read your bible!

i really thank God for the chance to have a good talk with Kiki last sunday. and I so love the people God has put into my life. =)

BAck!!

2007-01-05T20:44:00.000+08:00

ok, havent been blogging since As finishes, cos i left on the last day and you know it, during hols you dont really sit down and do sth. =) activities after activities. heh.

First, HAPPY NEW YEAR! In this new year, there must be new hopes, new beginnings, new motivation, new grace and anointing. I mean 2006 was great but there are many not that good memories too, so all those stuff shall not pull me down. =) God, in this new year I pray that I will really grow in You, get more and more serious and have breakthrough in the area of my spirituality and wisdom, I admit that I need a lot of guidance and Lord may those guidance be from you and you only. In Jesus name, Amen.

Holiday was great!! Spent 4 weeks in Indo, a few highlights are Hillsong COncert in Jakarta, SUbmarine ride in Bali, SHopping in Bandung. Had great great fun, with my dear family.

After that was like to US n Canada. It's a diff type of holiday because it's really packed with activities and going with 30 ppl is no ease. and knowing me, even if I dont agree with sth I'll just go with them simply bcos they're elders. rahr. and that sometimes hurt. heh. anyway, Whistler was more than fantastic. It was like heavens!! The snow was like powder and my ski instructor was a super enthusiastic girl that she brought us up to top of the mountain and told us to ski all the way down. woo~~ started with a crash with Andy and it was so funny. like he couldnt really control, but thank God the snow was really soft. other than being cold and the getting up, it wasnt that bad. and we took about 2 hours skiing all the way down. super tired, cold and still having jet lag so first day skiing was bad, but very memorable. haha. next 2 days was great, really. =)=) love whistler, love skiing, love the snow. snowmobile was a good experience too. snowball fights, making snowman are just a few things we did. many stupid things happened too! hah. like we bought one whole trolley, those in hotels for luggage, of food from the supermarket! hah. FUN.

LAS VEGAS. Good shows. Good hotel. Everything free. haha. went to watch mamma mia, david copperfield, kelly chen with vaness as guest. very good. all so worth it. =) hotel was good, went to red canyon. beautiful rocks, fun people. met uncle weisiong and family too. =) i realised that it is truly with my family that I dont feel pressurised, and so much at ease. Really thank God for them. =)

LOS ANGELES. Disneyland hotel was a bit old, but when you're with the right people, it doesnt matter. =) made a drama for pek2 n pekmu 25th anniversary and it went on well. really put in a lot of effort into it so it was all worth it. =) disneyland was fun, but the same everywhere. what's more fun is the cutting queue! haha. oops. yes we do that all the time. haha. even in toilet queues. haha. pin trading craze, posing for camera in rollercoasters etc. goodness, how crazy can we get?? =)

Yeah with every holiday, we have to go back to our own lives, that's why it's called HOLIDAY. I miss my family loads. But hey Joce, they have to go back to school, work etc, unlike you. So let them go alright? and now I want to go Australia, who would go with me?

11 days more to go, HELP!

2006-10-23T17:54:00.000+08:00

11 more days to go and I sort of feel that i'm not prepared. it's as if the more i do, the more muddle-headed i get. like dont know what i am doing. but still, I refuse to confess negatively no matter what.

and yes, LORD, PLEASE HELP ME! ok, I realised that it's not about whether He'll work in me but whether i'll let Him work in me. So please HELP me!!! I can't go on like this. Thank GOd for God really. haha. Cell group was super good, when once again I could feel the presence of God overwhelming my entire heart, that I can be here writing about it now. if not I wouldn't even be bothered to do anything. It's really not a mistake that I went for cell group then. =)

been doing loads of university applications and CV. I need refreshing in my Spirit, and Lord, only that you can do. =) So Lord, I pray that you'll be the one pushing me on because this is tough, very tough and I almost cannot go on well anymore, if You dont come in and help. So today I declare that I'm totally open to YOur works that anything You want to do in me, through me and with me I'll totally let You, that I can be totally open and vulnerable to YOu. I give you all that I am in exchange for all that YOu are. I know i have my weaknesses, but only YOU shine in them. So Lord, I simply pray that You'll push me on. that i'm going to give my best shot during this last lap. Lord, I also just lift up my friends into YOur Hands, as I am dried up, I believe most of them are, also because it's just so natural to be tired. but Lord, I pray You'll take away any fatigue in them and refresh them in the mind Lord, that they'll know that some being higher up there is working with them. and Lord, please help them along as well because i know for sure you love them no matter what. amen.

YOu guys taking A's there, I know it's tough, very tough. but then again, just walk on because we have to. and not for that only, if not it seems so unwilling and reluctant. ok, walk on because we want to not just walk but to walk on WELL. take care and GOd bless dears. love ya.

29 more days to go.

2006-10-04T15:41:00.000+08:00

ask me why I am so moody. I hope it is PMS and not me. been super serious past few days, or maybe it is the exams that caused me to be like that. I hope it doesn't last long, really. I seem to lose all the joy and 'talk-non-stop' me but 'ok, study, joce study'. who asks me to be so ill-disciplined in my studying that even I am frustrated with my pace and attitude of studying. God, I need discipline!!

Prelims hasn't been too good. Fancy getting DEAD. Should I take it just like that? I hope it doesn't come to pass anyways. I know that words matters life and death, but I hope not this time.

Ok, buck up Joce. buck up. STUDY!! 29 more days to go....

post- prelim

2006-09-28T15:00:00.000+08:00

a bit outdated but oh wells, better than never.
the reality of exams ending seem like a dream come true that i feel weird. it's weird that it's over, that i can see myself appearing in theresia's birthday party. hah. but it's not the quantity of time spent not studying but the quality of time. went to do so many things after that, like

baking with 3 wonderful darlings MING, TIFF, LINX! it was fun! haha. created many sinful temptations: 1) Hersheys' best brownies a lil' too chocolate-y
2) Chewy Peanut butter Kisses stupid me forgot to turn on
the oven & poor linx had to eat dough (yeah chewy dough)
which caused diaorrhea
3) Apricot Oatmeal Biscuits my favourite being not too
sweet.
But then again, it's not about the food but about the heart to heart connection we had after we finished baking. really drew so close to tiff when i totally understand how she feels about growing up. much like me huh.

Thursday was wonderful!! ADORA! =) really talked non-stop. first coffee bean and then pasta cafe and it seems as if we just dont get tired of talking, especially when it's about spiritual things. everything just seems to be wonderful in Him and simply love you more after the sharing. =) After that was Bible Study, yeah and wonderful mich pay told pastor the wrong chapter and we all had to prepare an offering message to preach. ok, but i learnt a lot a lot so no complains, simply thank God for the chance and yes, MICH PAY!

Was already so tired of going out. What more school on tuesday, and GP!! but monday was still good. went to joy's chalet and really missed wate a lot so it was good. praise God. =)=)

Everything is good. Praise the Lord but results have only shown that it's no longer time to play. I have to buck up buck up buck up. actually I don't know what's wrong, I seem to know my stuff but can't do well for exams. WHY? is it that i over-study that eveyrhting becomes muddle-headed and i'm no longer clear? it seems as if I can't think and evaluate anymore. =( WHO CAN TELL?

Thank God for encouragements that is at least different, telling me that now is the critical period and it makes heaven loads of difference about what I do now. ok, so for now i'm going to study even harder. and thank GOd or friends to encourage cos I realised it's even better listening to my own words than others. when i encourage, i'm surprised at my words and will be encouraged too. anyway if i genuinely want my friends to be encouraged at my words, i have to be convinced by it and put it into action too. joce, remember, you can be disappointed for prelims but dont even be discouraged. the most important is that you can say, no regrets, even after results come out; rather than "I should have done this, done that...."

"Lord, I life up all my results into Your Hands, I wont deny that I am thankful for some, disappointed with the others, but still no matter what I will lift them up to YOu, for You are the only one who can deal in me and make me do things heartily. So for the next two months or so, it'll just be in my prayers that I can continue to press in and walk to strongly in You, that when i sidetrack You put me back on track and that when I find no motivation, You motivate me. Lord I pray that this exams I am going to shine for You like never before, that I can study in the Spirit and be so Spirit oriented in everything, because YOu are the CREATOR of all knowledge, of heaven and earth and though no one knows what questions are coming out, YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF A LEVELS and You will simply guide me into it. I also pray for all my friends around me who are going through the same thing, that YOu be the guide and comforter, from those who know you to those who don't, i thank You that YOu love every single one of them. I pray You'll hold their hands and keep them on: Lou, Bel, Sarah, Bev, Qi, Dixon, Sharon, Pris, Adora, Linx, Shao, Ben, Edmund, Mingtse, Tiffy, Sean, Huixuan, Jiayin, Pam, Kaiqian, Charlene, Jielong, Shiru, Chelly, Xuanyi....." In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

I'm going to lift it all up to Him, yes, only HIm. even if I dont know how and seem to not be able to do so, I will force myself to do so. Please guide me.

FINALLY!

2006-09-21T18:10:00.000+08:00

Prelims is finally finally over. phew. i can't imagine one month has just zoomed by. and if this 1 month is so fast, the next 1 month will too. prelims, oh well, when is internal exam easy but i have decided to pray my way through, like what i've always done.

Lord, I know that everything now is in Your hands as I let you hold it up. I simply pray that I can shine for You this time again, the last internal exam in HwaChong. Lord, I know with this faith and Your grace, ALL is in Your Hands. I thank You before hand. Amen.

FIRST

2006-09-08T17:08:00.000+08:00

I LOVE, BECAUSE YOU FIRST LOVED ME
I LIVE, BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU GAVE
YOU DIED, SHOWED ME HOW TO LIVE
YOUR MERCY TAUGHT ME TO FORGIVE

YOU CAME AND POURED YOURSELF SO FREE
YOUR BLOOD WASHED AWAY MY SHAME
AND NOW I CAN LIVE AGAIN
I'M MORE OF YOU AND LESS OF ME

MY FIRST LOVE
FOREVER YOU WILL BE
MY FIRST BREATH
YOU'RE THE LIFE IN ME
MY FIRST JOY
THE WORLD CAN NEVER TAKE FROM ME
MY COVENANT WITH YOU
JESUS

YOUR LOVE FALLS DOWN
YOUR LOVE FALLS DOWN
YOUR LOVE FALLS DOWN
OVER ME

happenings

2006-05-07T15:41:00.000+08:00

i dont know why but i suddenly feel like blogging. haha. must be so weird but oh wells this feeling is like so rare then must as well blog. i dont know what's wrong with me this week. last week was great. and i am saying all these is about internal gan jue. outside i'm still alright. even inside is alright but i dont want it to be just alright. i want it to be good. maybe others would not understand what i'm talking about, but it's just this thing inside that you dont feel so rooted to your purpose, though not totally out. so i really must get down to my knees and pull myself closer to Him once again i guess. i still look forward to meeting God but the passion has drawn back a little weeny bit. and i dont like it. simply cant stand it. argh. but it all lies with me i guess. =)

like just now service said, prosperity does not mean only financially but in every aspect: spirit, soul, body, finances, relationships, etc. and the crucial factor is the soul- the way you think. we need to have our mind renewed to start looking at things in a different perspectives cos only then that we can truly change our life. i think it's very true. haha. so i shall try to apply it yea?

choir concert is coming up in 2 weeks time!! so exciting! but also our last project together and these few weeks we have really gone through it together. i knew a day like wednesday will surely come, and truly it did. hmm. but i guess we really deserve it la. no sense of urgency at all, discipline not too good. =(=( but we will buck up for sure. too bad this week i wont be around to sing with the choir and to struggle together to make this concert a successful one, for the sake of the school, the choir, Ms Lim, ourselves and most importantly our love. without it we would really be dead. no love = no music = no hwa chong. =(

i'm going to melbourne tomorrow. i know it's super inapt that i'm going in the middle of school term. what to do? dad got wedding dinner in mel and since this week got election day hol on mon, sports day on thu and vesak day on fri, he ask us to go over too. at the same time also can go and look at the universities. going to mel u, monash, u syd, unsw. haha. but a bit waste money hor~!! aiya, nvm. ticket and hotel all book le. looking forward to it! =)

nest thing up would be australia, concert, emerge, study study study. but EMERGE!!! argh!! I want to emerge to a different person, up a notch spiritually after EMERGE!! muahahaha. i shall EMERGE!!! =)

take care and God blesss. =))

agape.

EASTER!!

2006-04-13T11:06:00.000+08:00

CSI: Singapore

Date of Event: Easter Sunday
Venue: East Coast Park – Marine Parade Areas
Expected duration: 2pm – 6pm

Objective of the Game:
A crime has been committed; the objective of each team is to solve the mystery by tracing evidence found at the scene of the crime.

Synopsis:
Mr Andrew Tan, his wife and his son have been found murdered in the living room of their East Coast home. The door was found to be ajar and the three victims were facing the door, lying in 3 separate pools of blood. There are no signs of break-in. However, several antique porcelain vases are noticed to be missing from the family vault. Burglary is suspected. However, there is little evidence pointing to who might be the killer(s). Upon investigation, it is found to that Mr Tan has a younger daughter about 9 years of age. She is not found at the scene and is largely suspected to have been kidnapped. A note is found on her bed, demanding a ransom giving the CSI a small hint as to how they may find her before her time runs out.

Each team in the game represents a team of CSI (Crime Scene Investigators) whose job is to gather evidence from the scene of the crime, process it and make logical deductions as to who the killers might be based on the results of their analysis. Half of the CSI teams will be delegated to tracking down Mr Tan’s daughter, racing against time to find her before she gets killed.

Each team in charge of finding out the killers will be given a package the following:
Badges identifying each member of the team as a CSI. They will need this to gain access to various stations in the game.
Prints of fingerprints found at the scene of the crime. Details such as location of print will be given.
Blood samples taken from the scene of the crime. Again, details such as colour and location will be attached.
Hair samples (ditto)
Shoeprints (ditto)
Clothes Fibres (ditto)
The order in which they have to approach their stations.

Each team in charge of tracking down Alisa (Mr Tan’s Daughter) will be given a package containing the following:

Badges identifying each member of the team as a CSI. They will need this to gain access to various stations in the game.
A notebook and pencil to figure out the puzzles and clues the kidnappers have left for them.
The ransom note.
A stack of dollar notes as ransom for Alisa.
Fingerprints lifted from the ransom note.
The order in which they will have to approach their stations.

Each sample given to the teams will mean they have to go to a certain location to get their evidence processed. For example, to get your fingerprints identified, you will have to go to CSI Lab 1 which will be located at East Coast Park BBQ Pit 1, to get your blood sample results, teams will have to head down to CSI Lab 2 located at East Coast Park Macdonald’s. etc.

They will have to complete a related task at each station in order to get their results. The results of their samples will give them clues to solve the mystery. Teams that fail the tasks will not be given the clues. Instead, they have to head to their next destination and can only come back to the station to try again if they have time.

Teams in charge of tracking down Alisa will be given puzzles leading them to Alisa.

The first team to find Alisa and the first team to solve the mystery correctly will win the prizes.

isn't it cool? it's a game for this easter to just have fun and celebrate easter. ok, been 2 months since i last posted on 18th feb. these 2 months many things have happened. both unhappy and happy ones but well, i'm still here in form, still on track. yes, and i'm still considering my future options. haha. block test was just over and i got BABE. cool. haha. not fantastic though. but it's ok!! still thank God for it cos at least i wasnt tt stressed out while studying for it. =) and today just got back PW results. so many people in my class got band 1! yes, my whole group got band 1 too! haha. some got band 2 but it's ok right? band 2 is not bad either. so cheer up!!

life has been just fantastic. and i dont dread going to school that much. haha. but i wont say i look forward to it either. hmm. too many things to write at one go that i dont know what to. anyway, cheerios!! it's a happy happy life!! haha. take care ang God bless!! =)

class outing

2006-02-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

so sad!! i cant make it for JTS again!! i mean the last one was stj, on 21st jan-caleb's bdae. now it's 18th feb, daddy's bdae!! i really really wanted to go but cos biomed ended late so cant go for lunch, have to go for dinner. am feeling super super bad to the class. =( bleagh.

ok, anyway, this week is a super exciting week for me cos i managed to do quite a lot of things, talk to a lot of people. i dont know why but woo~~ I'm just so high! haha. get high on the RIGHT SPIRIT!!!! which kind of spirit must it be then? hehe. man, many things happened. V day was great. i mean it's the first time hwa chong came to life. it was like a bazaar? with baloons n stuff. haha. cool.

yes, i'm here O Lord, to just genuinely want to make friends with my friends, to know them even more and just to fellowship with them and meet their needs. Lord, I just pray that you'll come and guide me in every single step i take, that your love can really pour out of me. so that i can shower others with love too. help me to be so accepting of others and lay down my life for them. love You o Lord, do all these for You. Please guide me.

My life rocks because of you. =) take care and God bless!!

PAIN!! =(

2006-02-09T16:09:00.000+08:00

my throat is very very painful!! everything started yesterday actually when i felt very cold suddenly and all my muscles seem to ache. then my throat became very pain, didnt sing for choir. after i came home, measured my temperature and it's 38.7.. didnt even go for bs. couldnt stand it. head throbbing like mad, cant move at all. *bleagh* then had to soak ice water lo.

today morning is much better le. fever went down to 38.2. but still feeling cold. went to ENT and it was so scary!! there's no clinic, only a room called procedure room. when i saw, i was like what procedure??!! so scary. then inside is this chair, with all the equipment, something like dentist clinic. so scary. he sprayed some stuff into my nose that's bitter, and it went down. then my nose became numb. =( after that he put in this long thin thing, with a camera and showed me the passageway through my nose. it's quite disgusting cos it's full of pus, swell and red. ewww.. the thing went down my nose to my throat and voice box. he said that other than my tonsils, my adenoid and voice box is also swollen. that means i cant sing or talk too much for the next 2 weeks?? what a bad news!! argh!! so pain! cant even drink water. and i'm so hungry but i cant eat anything. that's so sad. =(

he said it started out being a viral infection but as time goes, it became bacterial infection. and he said it's all related to gastric cos at night when i sleep, i'm sucking out acid rather than air, tiredness cos my tonsils're constantly fighting and some other stuff. suggested to operate it out. just get it done once and for all. how? should i go for the operation?? =(

the doctor gave me this "Anti-reflux treatment:

- No big meals especially at night
- No mango, onion and peppermint
- Reduce oil, fatty foods, alcohol, chocolate, smoking, spicy food
- No aerated drinks like coke etc
- Rest at least 3 hours after meals before sleeping
- To sit straight up for 3 hours post meal - on a stool
- Sleep head elevated
- No tight clothing
- No coffee or tea
- Frequent sips of water
- NO SUPPERS!!"

Well, I hope this break will get me back on track on some stuff but i dont want this pain!! God, help me go through it all.

Many stuff.

2006-02-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

ok, havent been blogging for so so long even if i want to. so i resorted to writing my thoughts down in my note book. but couldnt stand it anymore so here i am!! =)
I'm still having remnants of CNY fun. I mean come to think of it, i dont really have another long break that there's no exam during the first day of school. like march holidays BT1, june hols BT2, end august prelims and november is alr A levels.

for no good reason this year has been very very good for me. as in I am so so high in school. and i dont know why also. weird. haha. i mean it's like so totally different from last year when i just go to school and stone. not that i'm enthu about school but i'll get high. haha. weird, really.

CNY was superb for me. I love it to bits. we did a lot a lot of things together and i actually realise that my family has only two traits: EAT and LAUGH. But i guess that's why i love them so much. It's in front of them that i can really be who i am, sometimes though silly and lame but they accept me for who i am, and though we can laugh at each other and at ourselves, we still respect each other a lot. and we can laugh at something so simple till it seems so funny. and we can argue about which type of orange is the nicest till it's so serious but yet no negative feeling after that. it's that kind of bond that the whole family have to sit all at one table which my mom specially ordered on top on the normal one so that 16 ppl can sit together that only then we can enjoy ourself. and it's a family that everyone makes a difference, no matter how quiet you are, they'll still be sad if you're not around. i mean treasuring one another and the relationship, and it's the joy and love for one another. it's that kind of relationship where we can just sit on the table from 11am in the morning till 9pm at night eating and chatting, one round of food after another. =) wah, love them just love them.

CNY was great cos everyone came back and we just talked, joked, ate. and i got to watch my long anticipated WHITE NOISE! i mean i was quite scared but i tot that it might be interesting, cos stupid me tot it was real. but luckily we watched it in the bedroom, not the karaoke room, or i'll just die. =) then after that andy and i watched the myth. i tot that it was quite good, as in lame, but entertaining la. then on monday we went to watch fearless. i shall not reveal too much about the storyline for the sake of those who havent watched but are planning to watch. i can only say that it's superb!! I mean there was enough action kung fu, sadness, happiness and determination. It just made me realise that life is always such that you only realise certain things after you pay the price and you will never know that it's so high a price till you paid it. sad right? But thank God, I have the Holy Spirit to guide me alongso that i dont make such big mistakes that i cant afford. =)

I also went driving during the CNY break. I want to play golf la!! want to find a pro to teach me so that i can have the basic right and at least can play. still tend to forget many things. =( about posture and not looking at result. =( then i really want to faster be able to play well. there are so many things i want to do, but so little time.

These few days i've been quite troubled over career choices and what i want to pursue in life. i've been thinking about it after the CNY cos of the family shareholders' meeting and after talking to Andy yesterday. We talked about so many many stuff, had a very good talk yst. i mean it's so difficult to get into that kind of talk naturally, even with the closest of friends. =) the thing is that i really want to do something inter-personal. not that i hate finance or banking, i dont mind them but they are not really of my passion. i want to do something related with people, how they think and how to improve their lives. i dont mean medicine only or prolonging life but helping them to maximise their lives. the quality of life, not quantity of days lived.

so i was contemplating psychiatry cos i want to be the one analysing people and can even give medicine to further help me in trying to help them. psychology is not what i wanna major in cos i still need to work under a psychiatrist and write reports back. then we both will discuss abt the patients but the decision and analysis still lies with the psychiatrist. so sad right. so i wanna be a psychiatrist. but i was searching online for it. ok, i realised that i have to take 4 yrs of medicine, housemanship for a few years. then maybe i pursue my masters for let's say 2 years? work for singapore govt for 6 years!!!! before i can pursue my pHd in psychiatry. another 4 yrs to study. that means it'll be about 20 years till i do what i want to do. i then started to think if it's worth it to spend half of my career time just studying for the other half?? HALF eh!! i mean if i go other profession in 20 years time i would have climbed the ladder and be an expert in my job. another is that medicine is apparently very tough and i really have to have a strong passion to heal and help others to motivate me. for 20 years? is it worth it actually to compete and compete just for psychiatry which doesnt need those in-depth study and dissection of the organs?? !!! how?? God, can You lead me and guide me??

then dad was suggesting human resource, business management and psychology. actually i dont mind marketing too. arh, have to find out more about HRM. =) so excited about my life!! wohoo~~!! Love myself, Love life, Love the God of my Life.

Take care and GOd bless

God is so good

2006-01-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

"God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, is so good to me."
yes, GOd is so good He never leave me just there, not even one day and i'm feeling so blessed and loved by Him since the beginning of the year than ever. I thank God for a new year!! a new life, another chance where I can shine for the Lord!!

Jesus

2006-01-15T17:49:00.000+08:00

"In our Lord Jesus Christ, there was:

meekness without weakness;
tenderness without feebleness;
firmness without coarseness;
love without sentimentality;
holiness without self-righteousness;
lowliness without lowness;
truth without error;
enthusiasm without fanaticism;
passion without prejudice;
carefreness without carelessness;
service without servility;
confidence without egoism;
judgement without harshness;
seriousness without gloominess;
mercy without softness."

new skin

2006-01-10T20:19:00.000+08:00

hey!!! happy new year! how do you like my new skin?? finally got the blog done cos i dont really like the previous one. too plain for my taste. so haha. didnt update. =) this one just lack audio. will work on it. =)
ok, i feel fat, look fat and AM fat!! that's like so sad case. =( could feel fats wobbling every action i do!! =( I want to jian fei!!

europe

2005-12-20T12:08:00.000+08:00

woo!! just came back from a 15 days trip to europe and one word --amazing--. thank God for the people in the tour, for every 'coincidence' there is, that a romance tour ended up to be a youthful one, with wonderfully open people around. haha. well, i'm so so tired i think i might just blog about it again next week cos i'll be off to korea again TONIGHT!!! =)
take care and God bless peeps!!

TAG

2005-11-17T19:49:00.000+08:00

had my first attchment this week. to the singapore cancer society. the first day was nothing much really. just a brief intro to the society, what they do and stuff. they didnt really have anything for us to do, afterall we're just job shadowing. after a light snack was the support group "New Voice Club" for the survivors of cancer of the larynx who had their voice box removed. they're all male elderly and they are very kind and friendly. and all of them kept on telling us to tell our friends not to smoke, later will kena that illness. they said that when they were smoking,t hey also didnt think that they will be so unlucky to get it but it slowly eats away their body. it was quite interesting for me because it's the first time i see people who breathe through that hole in their chest and could not talk. well, not so much of sympathy because at least they survived. and they are doing pretty well themselves. but i was quite touched with their warmness and self-confidence. as in they are not shy about it or what, they even showed us the hole!! and kept on explainign how they talk. we knocked off at 2pm instead of the actual 4pm cos they really nothing for us to do.

day 2 was so much better. we were attached to the finance department and at least they let us help out a bit. we did the receipts, labels and prepared the envelopes for the donor base and stuff like that. though it does not really need a lot of brain, at least we helped out in a bit. after lunch we went to the fund raising dept to help them cut that thing off the flag day bags. we cut 3 humongous rack and 5 boxes!! a lot a lot. collected a lot of money inside. haha. but well, our integrity only allow us to return to the society. =) we actually slacked a bit (one hour) and played table soccer and without notice, it's 3.30pm!! haha. a fruitful day, with a sense of satisfaction of use.

day 3 we were attached to the fund raising dept. continued with the bags but at least in the morning they told us what they do, all the projects, small to big (falg days to charity shows). quite interesting, learnt something new. =) after lunch we just do some re-shelving for the library. at first we thought we're done and could go up to watch the charity show but well, they asked us to check the book int he database 1 by 1!! haha. well, at least something new. man, but they gave us so so much food. i thought i was going to burst. at first was the homenurse giving us some snacks and then we went for lunch and i ate more than i normally do, then before we went home they bought for us some muffins, brownies, pies from Au Chocolat. very nice and thoughtful of them huh??
I think hmm. it's a nice experience and good exposure to the whole working system. =) thank God for that. but i must start on my holiday homework and also revise my year 1 work!! Help me, God?? =)
16 more days to Europe!!

hmm..

2005-11-16T13:37:00.000+08:00

been such a looong time since i last blogged huh?? well, i can say that quite a lot of things are happening right now. haha. so much that i dont know which one to write and what not to.

firstly, i tried to play golf!! haha. though i had muscle ache the next day, all in all, it's a nice game and with a golf set from uncle john, I have to take it up. but well, no regrets. =)

Last sun we had monopoly game where we had to run around, completing task, TRYING TO buy lands and win more money. We took our own sweet time to the first stop and though we lost the game, we still managed to get hold of the land. =) then we landed on electric company, pay $50 and school fees $200. See how unlucky we are. haha. well, then it just went on and we somehow decided to move even slower from stations to stations to reduce our rentals. haha. you can say that we are cunning but oh well, do you want to keep on paying money?? haha. but it went okay after all.
THere's also this period when i felt that my heart was so cold and heart, so untouchable, i think because of the disappointment of the promos, but oh praise God, everything is over and I am as hungry as ever!! =) For you guys who are feeling that you're drawing away from His presence, I tell you- I know that you dont like the feeling and want to come back, for the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. but oh praise God, our God is a God who can overcome our flesh!! =) Just tell Him that you need Him to help you and He will.
man, I feel so so fat. like a pig. I eat non-stop. I dont know why but how come I cant control myself? =( God hwlp me to control my own desire to eat. I feel so so blubbery. like everytime i move, my fats shake. hahaa. maybe I'm imagining things but ai, why I keep on eating and thinking of food??!! =(
oh yay!! 17 days to baptism and 18 days to europe with my dears!! =)

results

2005-10-18T08:42:00.000+08:00

ok, my promo results has just been out and i did so super badly. man, what am I doing here? I can just forget about everything that i wanted to do. argh, i'm very frustrated with myself. what have i been doing? argh.

Promos over!!

2005-10-11T10:38:00.000+08:00

ok, promos's officially over, and i'm so sian!! got nothing to do!! miss so many ppl so much!! miss everything so much!! well, i'm still happy with my alr blessed life. =P while waiting for the results, i have ultimate fith that as long as i put my papers and faith in his hands, he can make it big yea? so you guys no worries too!! for God's great and He'll never forsake us, as long as we reach out for His help. He's always there dears. =P woohoo~~ loving my life, tho i got nth to do. hahaa

wasting some cash

2005-09-25T16:46:00.001+08:00

ok, i just wasted a stash of money for being hospitalised for nothing. haha. it all happened on fri when i woke up with a very bad tummy ache. it's not the normal gastric or cramp kind. i couldnt even bend due to the pain, but well, i still had to go to school cos got chem spa. after chem spa i went to see the doctor.
cos the pain is at the left bottom of the abdomen, where the appendix is, i'm suspoected to have appendicitis. SUSPECTED. alright, so i went for blood test, urine test. then they were afraid that the pain will get worse so they decided to put me under observation in the hospital for a day. then after that i went for CT scan. drank two cups of dont know what liquid, and it tasting horrible. super bad, felt like puking when i drank it- i think it's some radioactive chemical? then got another injection. ;(
after the admission stuff into the ward is done, i went inside and in no time, the doctor came in with the CT scan results. it doesnt show that i got appendicitis, and i was like, oh, so what am i doing here? :( well, still under observation? cos they say some realy early stages of appendicitis cant be shown on CT scan. then they put me on drip on antibiotics. haha. it felt quite weird to have a very small pipe inserted to my hand. it was really nothing la.
oh oh, shao and linx came and i was so shocked! cos i didnt tell them my room number, but at least dora told me before hand. haha. thanks babes! love you guys loads. =P
well so yea, what an experience huh? to get hospialised for nothing. even the doctors say that they are just being too overly cautious. xiao ti da zuo. haha. one thing good is that i got nothing to do except to study there cos my mom went back home for cell group and my phone batt was almost flat. haha. so i just study!!
I still thank God that He has protected me thus far from all illnesses and pain for i knoe that by His stripes my pain is taken away. =P
Promos starting this fri! jia you!! shine for God and glorify Him. =P let His word and promise come to pass!!

haha.

2005-09-05T19:41:00.000+08:00

haha. well, i really really love life. =P but well, i still cant deny the fact that promos is coming in 24 days!! and i barely started my revision! well oh well. actually i wanted to start on the friday of 27th, but was like making boonkiat's crown and cake, so i just ended up doing my tutorials and sleeping at 3! man.. then the next morning watch charlie again, for the third time with sally then went for lunch. after cell i was watching hilda play badminton with pastor. some people just dont LOOk like they can play but they can!! like hilda. haha. when she plays, she's still like tai-tai, ever so demure and gentle but no joke, she's quite good. hehe. then the next day got the boonkiat thing lo, and just do tutorials and SOME chem mcq. oh, i pon-ed school on tue and wed and it wasnt productive at all! on tue i went to buy my new phone lo, as some of you know that my phone died after struggling in the swimming pool. however, it is still found faithful to its master when it survived just for me to transfer my contacts to SIM card. Thank God! He always listens to my prayers, I simply love Him!! and He creates miracles that are unthinkable. haha. so it's true that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. =P
another day spent not studying when i went out with boonkiat to buy his shoe. why am I such a procrastinator? I can never find the self-discipline to study! who can help me but God? then on wed i basically just practised piano again and again cos i was so nervous abt piano exam.
on thursday we had bible study and since it's teachers' day, we sang the song 4L wrote for teachers' day 2003 tot he tune of dong jia by JJ but changed lyrics to pastor. haha. was very satisfied and proud of the class!! yay! that the song's still so meaningful!! haha. 4L rocks to the core man!! =P so glad that the people liked the song too. hahaha.
this is the day!! my piano exam! i was so nervous that i played some parts of each piece wrongly, i just dont know why, the parts which i never play wrongly was a bit wrong. but still, i'm trusting GOd for everything cos i believe that it can be another time where His grace can be shown upon me and that He can turn my weakness into strengths as long as I put my trust in Him. I always thank GOd for being there for me, giving me the support. i really dont know what i'll do without Him.
on friday night i went for the 3D2N cruise to nowhere. haha. so angry with myself. i'm supposed to go there to study cos i tot that there won't be anything going on, no activity so i can really get off all distractions and study on the deck. what did i end up doing? SINGING KARAOKE and EATING!!! i eat and eat and eat NON-STOP till i feel so so so so fat now. think i gained like 1 or 2 kg la! argh! i feel like puking when i see food, but once i eat, haha. i'll not stop. am i turning into some glutton or what? =(
argh!! study study i must study!! but will I? dont care. i MUST! God, can YOu give me the revelation and drive that i'm studying for YOu?? =P I wanna study! i shall punish myself terribly if i continue to be so slack! yes, i will!

lovin' everything

2005-08-29T07:00:00.000+08:00

well, you may think that i'm mad that i can be so low and get so high suddenly!! haha. yeah, I am high! loving my life so much! everything has been going on quite well. because yea yea, i finally opened up to sophie and it felt GOOD! haha. felt so good. everything is also working out very well! i guess last time is because i think too much that i am so upset over my whole life. but now, i'm refreshed once again, renewed, with the presence of God back into my life. i Just feel so so excited for Him! yeah man! WooHoo~
hahaha... my piano exam is in 1 week's time! i'm not very ready but i have practised much more in this week than the past 1 year! haha. not that i pactise a lot, just that i do not practise at all last time. hahah. yeah yeah, so it's also getting better. i'm just worried whether i'll be too nervous on that day itself. well, for this i guess no one except God knows the answer. I really need to get His strength and peace down into my life orh~! hehe. if not i'll have mind block and break down there. haha. well, but praise GOd, He has brought me this far! yay! and He loves me, and you too, for who we are and not what we do. hehe.He's always there for us. it's just a matter whether we go and reach out to Him and ask for His help. well, He loves everyone-- even the non-Christians so if you guys got any problems that you cant solve, just pray to JEsus and be prepared to see miracles. well, of course you have to believe that He can help. anyway no harm trying right. =P
yeah man, life does rock! and off i go to prepare for VC concert and mug for promos! I want to get at least a C5 for GP! and pass bio! woo~~ studying for God.

hate this.

2005-08-17T14:48:00.000+08:00

man, i really really hate this fake life. just trying to make everything seem alright when that thing is not alright. well, though i know that when that thing's not right, everything wont be. but argh, why? i want to make it right, have been wanting for so long, but i never get down to getting it right. argh, God, why is it like that? i really don want to lead this life with dry spiritual routines and duty but i want to do this because i love You. God, can I? arh! Devil! stop procrastinating in me! well, finally i sort of started doing it in my room just now, felt so super bad to Him. but yea, i wont deny that it's always because of my laziness. i know i dont need to be fake in front of Him, cos He's my big daddy up there right. feel so fake. been so fake. when can i end this fake life? i know the answer-- but how am I going to do it? God, i want to, you know that, but am i willing to? i want to, but will i do it? argh!!! i cant discipline myself! argh!! God, You really got to work in me for this, and help me!!

piano exam is coming. it dawned on me today when i was talking to mingtse about it. it's 2 weeks away!! ok, though it's only grade 5, but i only started piano like 4 yrs ago and i stopped for 2 1/2 years. and last yr when i started again was like O level so didnt do anything much. and i was so lazy. never practise at all. once again due to bad self discipline. VERY BAD! ok, today i felt so bad that i went home and practised for 1 1/2 hours, but is it too late? i know that even if it's too late, it's better than not practising, but still, God, i want to pass this exam. looking at my standard now, i'll fail for sure- my fingers are super not stable. GOd, how? You must help to keep me focus and be able to concentrate in everything that I do.

-------ONLY FOR THE LORD----------
Dear Lord Jesus, I thank You so much for giving me this precious life that I should never waste every single day. Lord, I just pray that your presence will be so vivid in my life, that i cant live one day without your presence. lord, i just pray that you'll be able to help me fulfil this burden in my heart, to find back the first love. lord, i really really want to do that, and i want to stop this dry religious duty and routine and want to get back to when i first start loving you, worshipping you and serving you just for the sake of you only, cos i love you. lord, i pray that i will have a breakthrough in my spiritual life. lord, i know that you know what i'm thinking and i believe that lord, you'll help me along. lord, i pray that that you'll just pour your mercy and grace upon me so that i can continue this life to be a blessing to the people around me, and i pray you'll give me the unconditional love so that i can love the people around me, for i know that you love them. lord, i pray that you'll help me to remain focus and be able to concentrate in everything i do so that i can get back on the right track with you again. lord, i want to lead this life as a worship to you. i want to just lie flat on the ground, humble myself down and kiss your feet. i give you all i am in exchange of all of you. can you pls kindly tell me what you want me to do for you that can please you? i really want to stop living this kind of life and i know that you know how horrible and bad i'm feeling right now. lord, this life is really yours to use and work through. lord, i thank you for listening to my prayers and i believe that i am going to be changed after today. thank you lord. in jesus mighty name i pray, amen.
---------END---------------------------------

I GIVE

Come and fill me Holy Spirit
I seek the warmth of Your embrace
Lord I'm longing for Your presence
Just one touch of Your grace
I'll keep on waiting, waiting on You

All my life I've searched for heaven
My heart it longs for so much more
A love so true, now I've found it in You
I'll keep on waiting, waiting on You

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice I place at Your feet
I offer to You
For only You can satisfy my longing
Jesus You're all I desire

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice I place at Your feet
More than what this world offers
You are my only treasure
My world means nothing without You

www.cross.com.sg

nuttin'__

2005-08-09T08:13:00.000+08:00

the past few days is just amazing. went to FOP 1 on friday. haha. well, it was such a hot day and i can seriously feel sweat trickling down my legs. haha. but it was all worth it! i was actually wuite pissed off by the usher cos nian ying as obviously queueing with us and i saw the usher looking at her go out and yet when she wanted to get back into the queue, he said that she must give her name to the usher. like hello?? Your fellow ushers look at her go out! then i told him and he said, 'i'm sure my friend there will take down her name', i was like urh. feel like boxing him if i weren't wearing my uniform, cos it'll reflect really bad on you huh? haha. but who cares, they still got in and sat on the floor seats. haha. the session was very good. the presence of God was vry strong, though it's not that kind that makes you cry, but you still can feel it. it's like this very peaceful and nice feeling on the inside. and colin dye was very good also, he was saying that we have the apostolic faith inside us to connect with God in the Spirit, isn't it true? =D darlene is very good, delirious is also very good. haha. we just had fun praise and worship- just that i don't really know delirious' songs.

went to indo the next day and i was so tired. haha. nothing much to do, just eat. so yea. haha. then the next day went to KPN's 26th anniversary at the park. at first it's a big walkathon first at 6.30am. then the final destination is the park. it was so so boring until it's time for the directors to compete in cooking. haha. apparently, guzhang won la. he was so zai in frying the rice and gugu, obviously, is very particular about decorating it so hers is super nice but took the longest to form. anyway, it's still funny that dad won second. he only won in clealiness la. haha. weird, but fun overall. then went home to watch CHC's 16th anniversary through the internet. argh, they look like they're having so much fun and blessing! arh, i also want to go. and i feel that the message is so so good, arh, i wanna bring my frens. hate this feeling. argh..

CROSS is finally out! and stupid me only realised that 'live' worship album is not worship only. ahaha. it was good! when i listened, i got goosebumps on my hands! it was quite good that you hear a CD where you know all the songs and it's anticipated for such a long time. =P

yepx, came back today. hey peeps, how was the national day concert in school? how did we do? can someone kindly tell me? dying to know..

there are 4 ways to which a person assume of being loved:
- material gifts (e.g. money, presents, things that you want/like)
- Kisses, hugs (through touch)
- serving (helping you in different ways for different things)
- just spending time talking, sharing with each other.

which way do you assume of expression of love? =P

bdae party

2005-08-05T16:26:00.000+08:00

so sorry peeps that i promised to come back and update on what happened that night, but i didnt. cos i was way too tired. yepx, so here i am! actually wanted to put the photos we took but since i'm still to lazy to upload it, maybe next time.

cell that day was fun, and the sermon was very good. during cell, andy came and i was actually wondering whether i should go out and say hi to him, but still, i didnt cos i thought that even after cell, he'll still be there. but he left already! and i felt so so bad when lala told me that he came to singapore to buy our present, so sweet of him right? hmm, thanks ya ddyy.. =P really appreciate it loads, your classic pooh. haha.. still feeling bad for him, that he came to singapore without anything done! man, what a lousy cousin i am. ok, i'll try to compensate the next time i see you? haha..

after cell we waited for the others to come, like those from jac's cell and some others like boonkiat, michelle, sally, pastor, etc. well, although only sally turned up, it's still very fun! haha. while waiting, we took a lot a lot of photos and talked. haha. finally after waiting for about 1 hour, they came. so we just had bbq and talked. then ahso and koko came so i was talking to them also. haha. basically i just talked? and while the rest eat, i only got to eat a sausage and a bite of chicken chop. not that they bully me, but i talk too much. haha.

oh ya, i got a 3+3 kg cake! at first i only got a 3 kg cake from awfully chocolate and in the car, josephine sat on it!! I was so so so angry that i screamed at her, and the only thing i wanted to do is to get the original cake, not the one with smudged cream, though she didnt spoil the cake. quite ridiculous of me right? ok, my dad bought for me another 3 kg cake from hagen dazs and i felt super bad cos really la, it wasnt spoilt. oh no. haha. but it's ok! we've finished it anw.

zhenyi, krys and tiff came and i was like trying to spy on them to see whether they brought a can of whipped cream of sth. haha, blame it on my purchase on that can of whipped cream on krystle's bday. haha. but well, they didnt!! woohoo~~ but they made this strawberry trifle that tastes not bad but looks bad. and the hygiene cant make it also. they were saying that at first they arranged the straawberry according to my name already, then when they pour the jelly down, the strawberried started to float so you know what? they used their hands to keep the strawberries down! man, how clean is that! haha.. so we ended up with 3 cakes. not all mine la, share it with jac.

oh, and jac blew 12 of my candles! so i ended up blowing 5 candles! haha. then she'll be 30 years old and i'm 5! yay!! ahaha..

then after that mum called from north carolina and i was tlaking to her that i suddenly got so high. i ran straight to the cake, scrape the cream, and put it on zhenyi's face. haha. she was talking to her member on the phone so could not retaliate. haha. it was so funny. ai, then pauline put on my face! and she was like not excited or what, she just came, put on my face, stood at one side and continued eating her cake. hmm, but i'll never smear cream on her face anyway. haha. ok, then i got naughty and put on krystle's face. argh!! a mistake. then the cream war started and everyone has cream on their hands, ready to smear it on someone else's skin. haha.

when everything was over, i found krystle at the dining room and she was telling me about some photo she took of jac, made me promise a hundred times not to tell jac. to think that i trusted her so much. haha.. then she started showing me all the photos she taken when she took out her cast and within a moment, i was in the pool!! krystle liew!! you're gonna get it from me and jac once you take out your cast!! hmmph!!

ok, she asked me to hide cos she's gonna do the same thing to jac. so i was walking to the toilet behind and lo and behold, i saw zhenyi coming out!! haha. so i targeted her to be my next victim and with jac's help, she too landed in the pool. ok, zhenyi, i do agree that you are the most wu gu, getting facial cream and wet. ahha. but didnt you ahve a lot of fun too?and if you're not wet, your dad wont allow you to stay over right? ahha. or maybe he will. hmm, but that's an experience, isnt it? nvm, we still got lala's bdae!! ahaha.. *evil laugh*

ok, so when everything ended, i was super tired. haha. but isnt it a memorable birthday? when you are around people with the common love and goal-- the love of God that comes and change lives? haha. thanks peeps, for everything! love you guys! and of cos also to those who wished me happy birthday, appreciate it a lot! MEL, it's ok that you sms me only in the evening, at least you remembered!! love you derling.. =P

choir this week has been fun. we just tried to dance, sing and be high for the national day concert. but it's really very high. at least that's what i think, that it made me sad that i cant go. but peeps, i'll give you my support and i hope i've helped you all enough in this first J1 project. love ya guys loads. everything has been just fine for me! that i think i'm going CRAZY! haha..

bible study today was very very good. it's about evangelism, the benefits, costs, ways and eveyrthing about it. and it's been so long since we last had one. so it's not surprising that we had it for 3 hours? ahha.. somewhere there. yep yep, before i go on and become hyper and mad, i better go off le!!

GOd rocks! He's always there when you need Him, when you THINK you dont, and even when things are not right. He's just there, it's up to you to see and feel His presence. Life rcks, treasure it, my dear. I wanna go FOP tml!!! yay~!! bev, lou, qi, joy all going! then we can come together again, just like how we used to! yay! miss you guys loads and we're gonna have such a great time worshipping and praising the Lord!! Lord, do let your presence flow down and touch the empty hearts! I LOVE YOU!! =D

nothin

2005-07-31T03:04:00.000+08:00

been full eleven days since i last updated my blog. today is my birthday!! haha.. woo~~

these few weeks has been fun and yea, with God's strength, i pulled through everything! CHoir has been fantastic, and we sang very very well for the choral presentation in esplanade. rioHC rox! on wed we had a simple handover cum farewell thing and everyone was crying! it was just so sad that the J2s have to go home and study, leaving u J1s with Ms Lim. Will we be the 2nd batch of pokemon or the pokemon legend just ends there? It's sure hard to keep the reputation up there, but no matter wat, we will do it. WE MUST DO IT, to quote what val said. hahaha..

everything has been just fine, like i had choir everyday last week, and the workshop with the american clinician is so fun. haha. she asked us to flirt, with what? a nonsense song? coconuts? haha. and she said we were very expressive! so funny. yeap, went through all the stress and everything for ELIJAH ROCK and that was our best song. i think my paragraphing is so unstructured but ai, who cares? not a GP essay or what. just that i Have too many things to write and this keyboard is just so not comfortable. haha..

yesterday night lots of people already sms-ed me happy birthdays but i come to realise that it is so ironic that those whom i was close with are the first ones to wish me. thanks guys! and i do appreciate it a lot for your effort to remember and wish me. but i guess that's life right? you can never expect anything from anyone. that's why, look up to God for everything. He will not disappoint you nor forsake you. Thanks God that i have God by my side. =P

going to have a bbq later and think i'm gonna have so much fun. haha.. and i'm going indo next week!! haha. well, i think i'm super hyper so before i type all the 'haha's out, i better run off! bye! take care guys! love you lots.. i'll be back tonight! haha.. cheers, agape

2005-07-19T20:47:00.000+08:00

God! Help me! I'm in desperate need for Your strength! I'm just about to breakdown! this few weeks has been super super hectic for me. Siva rushing us to do everything for PW. can you imgaine? first draft of written report by next friday and my group has not even finished the survey and interviews! the worst thing is that everyone is super busy this weekend, so when can we find the time to meet up? argh!! and by this friday he wants to see our group project file. guess what? i only found two articles and the greatest thing is that the computer with printer got no internet! somehow it cant connect. like so sad.

Oh, and I also got choir everyday this week! monday was normal prac, tue is FDR for HC arts fest, wed is FDR for SYF presentation at esplanade, thu is workshop with american clinician at CCAB, sat is choir prac. you'll never know if there is prac on fri. and despite of hard work, we're still not up there yet. especially for elijah, every time the song starts, it doesnt start right. ARGH!!!!! and all the practices are really draining all our energy away. but we have no choice. we have to sing well this time in spite of the blaspheming ticket price of $3. it's ok, we must be a professional choir, shining for every performance we have. it's just taking up quite a lot of time and i have to miss quite a few lessons this week. argh! argH! so i cant get back my econs essay and bio block test paper, cos i'll be leaving early for wed and thur. argh! not that i mind, but argh! anyway, i still love choir. haha.

this thurs is my chem test for independent learning, kinetics and energetics and oh my, i havent even started studying. help me! argh! and i got lots of tutorial to catch up with! this week like got 5 biology tutorial lessons. =( argh! I'm like so stressed. i want time, time, time.

God, i just want to commit everything that i am doing in YOur hands, I give You all I am in exchange for all of You. Lord, I really long for Your presence, Your wisdom, Your power and strength. Oh God, I thank You for everything that has happened and is going to happen in my life. I'll continue to trust in You for You are my solid rock on whom i can depend.

Block test...

2005-07-12T14:39:00.000+08:00

been so super long since i last blogged huh? hehe. gues i've been too busy about the block test. it's finally over! woo~! seriously, i felt that i've not done my best, as in i didn't do the paper properly, and i didn't study enough either. the whole block test was quite horrible, in the sense that I didn't complete one paper of each subject. and I just felt so terrible after the paper that one day I just broke down and cried. the first subject-GP wasn't very well done, I felt that AQ was lousy, chem was blegh. everything was just not good. my maths, which is the only hope I had, wasnt good either. as in my calculator batt went flat and i can literally hear the devil laughing at me, once again. scary right? i was sort of having a spiritual warfare during the paper, and I was like God, how come the batt went flat at this paper, what am I supposed to do? so i was praying till i felt His peace. then i went to press the calculator and it came back! praise God! but still, felt that i won't do well. so can you imagine how upset I was by the end of the week, well, more of depressed. and i just can't have that faith in Him, though i want to, but there's just this thought- you're going to fail. so sad right?

On friday, joined mummy's adult cell and pastor was sharing about living your life for Christ, how we get our prayers answered by praying for something in His name, that can glorify Him. i was so encouraged by the message i forced myself to have faith in Him, no matter what. i don't deny that i still have doubts but everytime i thought about the paper, i'll pray and proclaim that i'm putting it into His hands. so that weekend was quite ok for me, as in i felt the peace of God, and i believe that He'll open a door for me to glorify Him somehow. =P so yea.. hehe. was so happy that I turn back to hold on to Him.

the next thurs, I got my papers back. woo~ I did quite ok. haha. like my math, miraculously, got 75- just an A. not a mark less nor more. isn't God good? He just helps you in time. God will make a way, when there seems to be no way. and my chem got 71, which is a B- but i thought it was way more than what I expected already. also, got back P1 and P2 of my econs. got 40/50! waiting for the other 25 marks essay. isn't Gos just wonderful? I believe 100% that without Him, everything has been so impossible. everything will just fall apart. and seriously, He is the God who cares for all things, not only spiritual things, but more of character. and I just simply love His greatness.

Block test.

2005-07-06T06:35:00.000+08:00

Block test is over!!! hahahaha... so happy! today's bio paper was a total killer. i really don't know how to do, but it's ok! I shall just rely on His strength for everything, for I know that everything is according to His plan and in everything that happens, I'll be able to bring glory to His name! Let Your will be done, that i can just bring glory to You.

now I'm getting back to my normal life, where i don't have to study ONLY! =P i'll just wait for my results to be out. =P

God's Word

2005-06-24T03:35:00.000+08:00

this whole studying period has sort of drawn me closer to God.
"My child, I want you to go all the way out to reach out to your friends. ALL THE WAY OUT. and know that I am going to give you the courage and strength to get the words out of your mouth."
Yes, Lord. If that is what You want me to do to make You happy, I'll do that. =P

an ordinary person working for an eXtraordinary God, to do eXtraordinary things in an eXtraordinary way!!

Block test.

2005-06-23T07:23:00.000+08:00

so super sian-ded by all the studying! it's all about BIO, CHEM, ECONS and MATHS. at first it is, but after that it's not. it's more about glorifying God with everything that I do.

went back to Medan on fri. we had a short memorial service at home for ama's 1 year's bdae in heaven. isn't that wonderful? she didnt have to suffer everything in this earth, all the illness and pain, but she's in heaven, just worshipping God her whole life. she's walking on roads made of pure gold, not marble or what. and she's looking down on us, all praising God for bringing her up. the WL said a story which truly hit me: once, there was a family and the daughter of the family is getting married. at first they cried, thinking that they'll 'lose' their daughter. but looking at the couple so satisfied and happy, the tears of sorrow slowly became tears of joy. at first i thought that it was irrelevant to the occasion? after that he continued: similarly, when our beloved mom/ama went up to the heaven one year ago, it's inevitable that we'll shed tears of sorrow. even until now, when we think of her, we might still tear, but that'll be the tears that comes out as we remember the impact she made in our lives, the touch and difference that she created. =P

i just remembered years ago, she was still such a devoted Buddhist, praying in front of that altar in her house almost every single day, and she was just so so hard in the heart. but after talking to her, caring for her, praying for her, and everything, she became a believer. isn't that the most most amazing thing that can ever happen in life? her hardness in heart was just just so beyond words. but she even got baptised!! praise God. look at how true and perfect God's love is. she's really an example that inspired me, cos i've seriously never seen someone so devoted to her religion, that she really just dislikes Christianity, and yet God's love can touch her and she can be a believer. who can't then?

ok, enough of my short break!! shall get back to my bonding. i love to bond with God! not with molecules and ions!!

Me!

2005-06-17T09:43:00.000+08:00

EXTRAORDINARY (Emerge 2005 theme song)

I'm walking on a new road
Livin' a brand new life
I've found myself a better way
Walkin' with Jesus every day

Lord you've taken me as I am
But I'm never gonna stay the same
In the power of your glory
I know I'll be forever and ever changed

(chorus)
Extraordinary, take my breath away
Extraordinary, make a brighter day
Extraordinary, way beyond the ordinary
Extraordinary

Nobody like you in all of the earth,
Nobody like you
Nobody like you in all the universe,
Nobody like you

woohoo~ this song is just so awesome! feeling quite high right now. because today i went for the volleyball thing and then went shoppin. well, havent studied for the day but i'm just so glad that i finally got my fathers' day and brendan's belated birthday present.

in the morning, went for cell(S?) outing. i think got like about 6-7 cells there. yea, cos we just multiply and pultiply. from 2 2 years ago to 6 now! woo~ praise God! It's really trough His grace that this is possible. reach sentosa's sunset bay at about 10, and then started playing at 11. it's like so cool, they got the loudspeaker and mic, everything there. so you can dedicate songs cos we got DJ, and they don't speak SINGLISH! haha. also got sell drinks, so everything is really made so easy for us. like lunch is bought, though we need to pay, of course. basically the girls in my group is just there to like erm.. pose? but we did TRY to get the ball k? though we didnt get. but we still had fun. haha. first match was basically one man's show- Boon kiat. i think if he didn't play for us, haha. none of us know how to start hitting the ball! haha. the second match was basically melanie and boy-boy playing. haha. but it's ok! we had fun looking. ;)

then after that went to taka to buy fathers' day present. been so so loong since i last went out- to shop!!! though not to buy anything for myself, it's really been a break! after today i must buck up le. jia you jia you jia you!! so sad this sat and sun cant go to cell and church. tomorrow going back indo. :( God, I really really want YOu!! come and take me away! (no, I don't wanna die) take my heart and soul away, back to YOu, that i can have the same heart and mind with You!! argh!!

back to mugging time~!! starting to lurve it~! haha. off i go to medan!!

My HappeNingZ--

2005-06-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

hey peeps! such a looooong time since i last blogged. let me see, 1 week before? i guess i'm really just so into mugging. haha. can feel the urgency of Block test starting to crawl inside me. hehe. but GOd, I DON"T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO STUDY!! Why must the feeling come only now? I've wasted so much time slacking, and now i'm starting to regret wasting just a few days of my holidays away. to think that this is a holiday...

well, emerge ended on last thurs, and i had a day to rest on friday. of course, i just studied! haha. and then on saturday i went for choir practice in the morning, followed by my dearest 4Legendary/Legacy class outing. choir prac wasn't really a prac, it's just the handover and everything. haha. totally freaked out/ screwed up my SL 'trial'. but it's ok, at least it's an experience. anyway i do love shao and linx more than i love myself. and i'll always give them my full support. hahaha. knowing how bad my music/rythm can be. haha.

the class outing went on quite well, just that i received a slab of cake and cream on my head though it's not my birthdya. life isn't always fair huh? haha. just kidding. just that choir ended a bit late so i only got to meet Amelia at 2 to get Ms ow's prezzie when the class meeting at 3 at harbourfront. haha. then at harbourfront mall, Grace, Amelia and me went to get cake, chips, etc. haha. and we know we're super late. to add on to our anxiety, the bus terminal in Sentosa was just so super packed with people that we got fed up and decided to walk to Siloso beach, which is at the extreme end. well, so of course, without complains, we walked there. ha. blow candles, cut cake, take photos, isn't that what we'll do? but i miss them so so much that i really cant say anything. when i see them, i just feel like hugging them, one by one. that's so sad! yep, got cake on my head and when i came back, ARGH!! they're gonna leave. not everyone, but Janice, victoria, zhenli and MS OW!! i havent even talked to them. ;( after they went, we played dodgeball. haha. WE! and basically i just got hit before i even touched the ball. or basically, my team always lose. hahaha. what matters is the fun. it's very fun la. haha. just cant stop laughing when i think of it? after that we just sat there and talked. a thing that i'll treasure most. time sure flies when you're enjoying yourself? i do agree fully!!

next day was service. ming tse went with me, and to my surprise, maybe hers too, that she actually talks to people there! i thought that she talks even more than she does normally in school! hahah. hey girl, if you ever happen to read this, just wanna say that i love you, our big Daddy up there loves you even more and He wants a relationship with you. ;) glad that you're so open about it. take care k? keep shinin'!
after that i went for photohunt at west coast park. ok, it's very fun, i did enjoy myself but it was so tiring! haha. or maybe cos i ran. the next day i woke up with muscleaches all over? it's ok, i did enjoy it. hehe.

monday and tuesday was just studying, studying and studying. today's qi's bdae, went to celebrate but had to leave early. and then tomorrow i'm going to sentosa for volleyball match, then afternoon to buy fathers' day present. oh, I WANT TIME!! after emerge, i really got so inspired to study for God that i just wanna studya nd study!! arh! and also my piano exam like coming and i'm still playing. GOD,can You help me get serious about it? have control over my fingers and my mind, that I can have the discipline to play. help! TIME! to study, to fellowship and commune with Him, to talk to new friends!! GOd, since everyone has only 24 hours, i just pray You'll maximise my capacity to do mroe things and help improve my concentration! Thanks. ;) Love You!

EmerGez!! #3!!

2005-06-10T14:57:00.000+08:00

Once I have turned my face from Thee
Yet You sought me
You cleansed me,
made me whole again
Jesus, my saviour,
my beloved and friend
Your praises I bring,
from my heart I sing

O draw me, o draw me away
Messiah today
to Your presence to stay.
Lord Jesus now change me,
and mould me
that I can be,
evermore true to Thee

YOU ARE THE SHEPHERD OF MY HEART
YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME TO YOUR CHAMBER
MY MASTER AND KING
YOU LIGHT UP MY DARKNESS
AND GAVE ME YOUR WORD
THAT YOU'LL NEVER FORSAKE ME
NOR NO EVER WILL LEAVE ME

another beautiful song? written by pastor kong. this song is just so anointed. it really pulls down the presence. Lord, this is really the cry of my heart, that even if everyone around me has backslid, I will never backslide oh Lord.

Today's service felt so short. in fact, it's the longest service but i FELT short. we started at 6.45 and ended at 11.30! we just worshipped and worshipped Him and just enjoy being in His presence, that by 9.30 sermon hasn't even start. But it felt good. even when he preached, tears just flow. can you imagine, crying for about 5 hours? no wonder my eyes are so sore and red. haha. but it still felt good, makes you want more, more and more.

the sermon was about the Holy Spirit, how He's a person, He carries a presence and power. His power is called the anointing, which can be likened to oil. Just like oil, which lubricates, burns to light up, moisturizes, the power does that. However, the oil in the oil tank can become stale, spoilt, contaminated. so we have to make an oil check regularly, to check if the anointing is still full to its brim. What we need to do so that the Holy Spirit can come: we need to get spritually hungry and thirsty. the Holy Spirit does not quench our thirst, but He makes you long for more and more. so let's have an encounter with God every single day!! We must start opening up to GOd- make room for Him in everything that we do, don't set pre-conditions. We also should surrender our life 100%. remove the axle 'I' and change it to 'God', so that it's He who lives in us. it's He who speaks, thinks, do, act, walk, talk. The service was just just so heart warming.we sang our famous love song, 'we're family that loves, loves, loves, loves one another. we're family that care, cares, cares, for sisters and brothers. through sunshine or rain, we will wtill be the same. we're a family that loves, loves, loves, loves one another.' and the last song to wrap everything up goes 'keep shining, keep smiling, knowing you can always count on me, for sure. that's what friends are for...' and it just lingers in the heart, with the presence. hoo~ how i long for more of You. it's really a place where the unwanted feels Your love.

it was really a day for me. like i got phone calls to tell me to go down to school for interview for choir ex co. i didnt run, guess someone nominated me. and i didnt receive any prior notice. i guessed they forgot or just that the sms doesnt reach australia. haha. but it's ok. don't worry guys! I was so in a mess- I didn't know what to run for, whether it's God's will for me to run- I just know that i want to run for it. I want to, but I can't, i Guess. So i rejected it. I can't because I'm holding on to church and studies right now. I'm not sure if I can cope with my studies, church and choir. and it'll be so irresponsible if I run for a post, take it up and don't do my best for it when I can't cope. the worst thing is that if I can't cope, I'll be forced to let go of church, I guess. Cos studies is of course a must, choir is sth that once i take up, I can't just throw it away. But for church, it is the only option that concerns my decision. and it's so not going to be worth it to let go of God. not only the time, but energy? motivation, strength? to reach out so that i can do greater and greater things for Him. Seriously, I rather serve God. well, I hope I won't regret the decision I made.

I was so inspired by all the testimonies, and stories, that I pledged that I'll never live a day without being in His presence. That's the only way that I don't dry up, so that the fire keeps on burning. The conference is over, but it's the beginning of the great works that we're gonna do, revival in schools, fulfilment of dreams and visions. Don't die for Him, but lives for Him, for it's even more difficult to live than to die for Him. gambatte!! shine for the Lord!
Lord, I give You all of me, in exchange for all of You. come Lord, and touch me!! ^.^

EmerGez!! #2!!

2005-06-09T14:58:00.000+08:00

Bila kubuka mataku If I open my eyes
dan lihat wajahMu And look at Your face
Kuterkagum I'm amazed

Bila kulihat hidupku If I look at my life
dan karya tangan-Mu and all that you've done
kutersanjung I'm in awe
kar'na semua yang baik For everything that is good
didalam hidupku In my life
itulah karyaMu is what Your hands have done
Kau b'ri k'sempatan yang baru You gave me a new chance

DAn kuingin mengenalMu Tuhan And I want to know you Lord
Lebih dalam dari s'mua yand kukenal Deeper than anything else that I know
Tiada kasih yang melebihi-Mu There's no love more than Yours
Ku ada untuk menjadi menyembahMu I exist to be Your worshipper

Beautiful song, isn't it? It just keep on ringing in my head. and also, "So I look to You, So I look to YOu. No one else will do, no one else will do (x2)"
Lord oh Lord, how can i ever express how much You mean to me? without You, I'll never be able to come that far. Lord oh Lord, how much I long for more of You, more of Your touch. So Lord, right now come oh Lord, and give me new visions and dreams, to do things for your Kingdom. Oh Lord, I love You. You're prince of peace, amazing, wonderful, merciful, holy, anointed, everlasting, patient, faithful, etc. Lord, how can I ever repay You with my life? You've done so much for me, that nothing I do can ever repay it, Lord. I'm coming back to the heart of worship.

Today has been another wonderful day. the conference rawks! more because of the presence of God so strongly felt there. We spent more than one hour each service justpaise and worshipping the Lord and at every service, the people will just kneel down, come before the Lord and cry out to Him and I believe that lives are changed, hearts are renewed, fire is rekindled and everything that there is, it helps you move on to the next level.

The morning session was about making room for God, how in a room there must be a bed, table, chair and lampstand. He moves only when he finds room in the place. Bed means a bed of faith, that without faith it is impossible to please God. Faith is a decision and it will not limit God. Similarly, God will not limit faith. Faith is the element that will attract Him. Table means a place of fellowship. That we must spend time fellowshipping, communing with Him. and not rush through the time but just let it flow. The Holy Spirit wants to come and give us a greater adventure, if only we can make room for Him. Chair- throne. God is enthroned! so we must come back to the heart worship, to have a heart of worship. Our mind might move quickly, but we have to pull it down to pulsate with oour heart and our heart click with GOd's heart and boom-we'll go to the next level, there'll be breakthroughs. lampstand means light. Our key to sustain revival is the Bible. It is a book which is lives on the Earth. No one can take out anything or add anything to the things inside. It is the sword that helps us overcome giants. At the service, I was so challenged to start to make room for God in my studies, quiet time, and everything that I do, so that everywhere I go, the power and presence will be with me. Till now, it is still the cry of my heart.

The night was another phenomenal one. It was a short sermon, about the tribes that judge Deborah sent invitation to, to kill the enemy. I'll always be Zebulun and Naphtali, who are willing to put down what they're doing to come, lay down everything before GOd, and finally they won!! Lord, it'll be so so sad if one day when we die, we're separated. really don't want that to happen. I think that the accummulative presence these 2 days have really impacted me and changed my life. I pledge that I'll become more on fire and never to dry up again. Lord, I simply want to wait and wait on You.

EXTRAordinary, way beyong the ordinary, EXTRAordinary. My God is...

EmerGez!! #1!!

2005-06-08T16:00:00.000+08:00

spent 14 hours in church todae!! but it was all all worth it. hoo~ i'm just so fired up now. haha. today marks the beginning of the three-days life changing experience, and it's already so so good. wonder how it will be in the next two days! the first session was on why reaching out to youths is so important. can you imagine: 1 in 4 people in Taiwan and China, 1 in 3 people in Malaysia and Indonesia, 1 in 2 people in India are teenagers! And if we go and change the youth of today, we're not just going to influence the society but also the future! they're gonna be future leaders right. and the place where they are concentrated is like in schools campuses. 99% of the leaders of the world today are educated, and their values they implace are actually gave onto them, stuck to them in their youth? so our youth is super super important and I'm so not going to waste it away. Yes, Lord, I'm gonna commit all that I am to You and just lay down my life for You, to go all out to click with Your dreams and visions. I love You- more than anything in life. I'm so gonna do things for Your Kingdom! Yea, You never let me go and I just pray that no matter what happens, I'll cling on to You and never grow dry.

After that was talentime! they had the decibels reading to measure the audience's response to the performances to determine the best performance award!! It's like so cool. but yea, this year not a lot of people from cell got in. ;( It's ok! The people up there are also my dear bro and sis in Christ and the best thing is that they're are performing for the glory of the Lord! yea~ Jia you guys!

Went to queue for the 7.30pm session at the staircase. haha. it sure does kill you. If you all know me well enough, you know that I don't really sweat even after I finish my 2.4km run? but just now, my sweat just trickles down and I'm like super sticky and wet. I shine! haha. it's really like being in the steam room. can you imagine? A long staircase from B4 to lvl 1, without any door or window? but with spotlight? and with hundreds of people packing in there? ha. when we were going down, the floor is wet! with all the sweat. the wall, even ceiling got water dew. hahaha. must be mad right. but it's all worth it when you get into the hall.

The 7.30pm session was more than marvellous, wonderful, whatever you can describe it. The presence was so there even during worship and I do agree with Pastor that we should not rush everything but spend more time worshipping cos it's the time where the presence comes and touch, transform, convict hearts. so just now, during worship, everyone just knelt down, including Pastor Kong and Sun, BVs, etc. everyone was weeping! you can just feel the touch, flowing from every corner- even the people in the overflow rooms are weeping. God, we love You. We want more of You. the message was short-30min- but impactful. It's about spiritual hunger and thirst. It makes me realise how much I've missed these months and how dry I have become. and of course, I wept like mad. didnt even bother taking out tissue. Now I just want to be more and more hungry and thirsty after the Lord, His Kingdom, His Word, His presence, His heart, His will, visions and dreams. I'll be more and more hungry each day!! Love you so much.

as you can see, the day has been full of hmm.. memories? going mad, shouting, screaming, jumping, dancing during praise, weeping, crying out, kneeling during worship, talentime, queueing, etc. haha. well, I'm sure the next two days will be an even more bombastic meetings. Anw, you guys out there, CHC is the soolest place in town!! we dye our hair, do hair extension, do everything we can, to be IN, to shine and get into the world out there. We are ordinary bunch of people doing eXtraOrdinary things for God and with GOd. We are cool, minus the drug, sexual immorality, and plus the power, anointing, blessings, grace and finally, and open heaven. GOd I LOVE YOU!! :) so lookin forward to later!

AuStRaLiAn ExPeRiEnCe

2005-06-06T14:08:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Queensland-Australia, so here i am to pin down my thoughts!! overall, the trip was super fun, tiring but the time was A Time To Cherish, definitely. Firstly, maybe that's because I was quite exhausted and sick of school routines and the things I do. Secondly, I guess through this week my family really got closer by a lot. Josephine is still that book-worm, but we've talked really a lot and I realised that she's no longer the small sister I used to have. she's Primary 2! And apparrently she acts, talks, eats, more like Dad, Mum, Jac and me-as compared to Jess and Joanne. And she's been a big sister to the 2 smaller ones, just that she can be a bit unreasonable and stubborn. Jess talks less nonsense and after this week, it's been a sure change of her attitude. As in, she talks more and everything- sometimes she makes us laugh at her innocence. We've also payed lots of attention to the way Joanne talks, since she's the youngest and she's very pampered, but she's indeed very very smart.

Day1 (Sun-29/5/05)
Off we went to Brisbane. Still suffered from post-concert excitement, thus my eyes was red on my way there. like who sleeps on the plane? upon reaching Brisbane, the first breathe was overwhelming. Finally, finally- I've come out from the humid, sticky and torturous weather in Singapore. so off I went to Gold Coast, which is about 1 hour drive from Brisbane. The hotel reminds me of Mohegan Sun- where it was very very colourful and undoubtedly fun. after we checked in, we just went to ZEN- the chinese restaurant to have our dinner and turned in since everyone is excited about the next day.

Day 2 (Mon-30/5/05)
We walked down to the nearest McD to have our breakfast while Mom and Dad went to fetch the car we rented. Theme parks open at 10am, and we were actually ready by 10.30 but the car took so long to come. everyone was so fed up. after hours of waiting, it finally came asat 12.15.. grr.. super angry. that day we went to the currumbin wildlife sanctuary and looked at the wildlife in Australia- Koalas, Kangaroos, Wombat, Tasmanian Devils, Dinghos, Echidnas, etc. the funniest thing is that the maid and Joanne went to feed one of the birds and after that all the birds, ducks, geese, etc started coming towards them, one by one. haha. i should have captured their scared faces man. super funny. haha. we went to feed the kangaroos, and Phine, Joanne and Dad took a picture holding a baby crocodile. haha. Joanne was so scared! her face was green.

Day 3 (Tue- 31/5/05)
Farmstay~! the journey took 2 hours+ and when we reached there, we literally did nothing for the day. except for feeding the horses with one whole bag of carrots, went to do some shopping for groceries, helped out in cooking dinner, do maths tys (a teeny weeny bit) and sleep!

Day 4(Wed-1/6/05)
Woke up early for the acticities planned by the farmers. first, we went to press for cow's milk. it felt a bit disgusting, but yeah, experience. after that we went to feed the calves with super big milk bottles. they're just so adorable. the next one is the duck, sheep, chicken. we went to collect chicken eggs, a ride on the four wheeler motorbike on the farm, horse ride. there are just so many things to do and write, that I cant really say how i feel, but definitely things that are pleasant. ;) we then went to the custard apple plantation.

Day 5 ( Thurs-2/6/05)
We're on our way back to Gold Coast! the farmstay was indeed a remarkable one- with the environment, peace, just simple everything! we went to the woolshed on the way and looked at how they shed the wool of the sheep. really pity the sheep, geeting shaved in winter. after it's being shaved, it was imbalance and hence could hardly walk. i went to shave it too, and the person gave me a bunch of wool for souvenir. like it a lot but it's so smelly. hehe. but i brought it back anyway. went to Dreamworld. took a picture with spongebob and patrick! haha. went to ride wipeout. it makes me so giddy. it just turns and turns but it turns slowly so you can feel you head low and legs high up. also went to ride roller coaster and the flume ride. haha. Joanne was so happy she keeps on laughing. so many more rides, but i guess it's just normal theme parks. had a super long and exhausting day. happy birthday Pastor SUn!!

Day 6 (Fri-3/6/05)
Happy Brithday ah so!! ;)
we went ot movie world today and the Spooky scooby-doo ride is the first one we took. it was a deceiving roller coaster. maybe because it's scooby-doo, everyone thought it wasnt scary. haha. but it was. but still fun. guess Jess scared her guts out and so she refused to take any other rides except for those kiddy ones. hhaa. the ride stopped halfway and Jac and I were wondering is it because of Mom? haha. but turned out to be not, an elderly had fainted! but otherwise, it was just another theme park. sounds like i'm bored? nah, nothing of that sort but i was sick of theme parks. haha.

Day 7 (Sat-4/6/05)
Our last day there. so sad. today we didnt go to sea world. all because of me. it's just that i don't think our last day there should be in another theme park. so that day, we went to eat lobster, then went ot the beach and played the waves. it was so much fun. haha. expecially with the three younger sister. they were enjoying themselves so much. haha. the beach was so beautiful- the water is clean and clear, the sand is white and clean, and when the sun shines down, it just glimmers. when you reach there you'll really feel how great God is, to create such a beautiful earth. can you imagine heaven? it is indeed GOLD coast. =P at night, finally i got the chance to shop. but we didnt go to oulets so the stuff is still very ex. like a shirt costs AUD$40, which is S$56, given the exchange rate of 1.4.. hhaa. so ended up buying nothing.

Day 8 (Sun-5/6/05)
came back to Singapore and still struggling to survive given the weather. hahaha.

this trip was indeed, undoubtedly enjoyable. time to come back to reality!! study for block test!! jia you!!
WOHOO~~ tomorrow is the long waited emerge conference!! i wanna be extraordinary and emerge!! yay!! looking forward to it so so much. ;) hehe. but i must construct my timet able for studying again. way too far from it le. ;)

MyRiAd! A success!!

2005-05-29T14:25:00.000+08:00

woohoo~ super duper high now. choir rocks man!! we just had our concert and it so totally rocks!! I still remember myself stressing over the miserable ticket sales. just imagine, last friday it was 100 out of 800, on wed was 300, and thurs suddenly become 600!! on Friday, Woon sms-ed and said we got FULL HOUSE! wow. haha. praise the Lord!! miracle happened?

went to meet dear linx at 11 at city hall, then the sops at 12 for lunch. thank God we were not late. went to cafe cartel, and our food came only like at 1pm and we finished eating by 1.20pm. Think we just gobbled everything down. went to VCH straight and then got changed. hoo, the lift is so scary. the lights will flicker and it will jerk. and shao was like telling me all the ghost stories in VCH. haha. then had a tech run once, and after that the J1s we up on stage singing. man, we sang super lousily! Miss Lim was like so super angry and of course, we were super demoralised. everyone just had a common goal- to sing well and just sing well. after we warmed up, everything was ok, although we werent fantastic yet. everything was just so fast. dinner, make up, hair, etc.

and so there it was, at 7.30, our first item. woo~ i forgot to sing one part and everything was just fine, we did our best and i think it's the best we've ever sung so far. kaung'a was erm, ok. after the drums come in, a bit CMI but over all ok. the J2s were good. Well done seniors! you guys totally rock! let's move on to the college songs! i feel that sleep is ok, with the fact that we only combined like 3 or 5 times. not that bad. hehe. and night was phew~ the sops. wow. my dad say got people say that the whole choir is up tothe international standard. haha. hmm~ bin-nam-ma, was impressive overall, to those who heard it for the first time.the impact was so so great! haha. anyway, well done choir! next up will be the malaysian trip and SYF presentation. haiz, then cant go cell again. ;(

tomorrow off i go to australia! and I think i'll be enjoying myself! haha. better pack my stuff now. i love choir!!!!!

EEP is over! I want more.

2005-05-28T09:38:00.001+08:00

today is the end of the term, which means that the june holidays are here! Anyway, this week has been a very relaxed week for me so I thought that it made no difference. I loved my past 3 days! in these 3 days, my whole life was just revolved around music. Song composition in the morning to the afternoon, after that is choir practice. the song composition guy is so cool la. he can just listen to a song, then play the chord and melody on the keyboard straight away. come up with a new melody straight on the spot. to think that he has grade 0 on theory and piano, like wow. haha. he's just amazing. not bad. hmm.

Throughout the course, I learnt quite a bit of stuff. like how to not just listent o a song but more of analyzing it, where's the hook, what instruments are involved, and the proxidy of the lyrics and the melody. and also the process of a song being written to how it's up to the public. man, everything is done so quickly through computer. i wonder why some producer or song writer can still have perfect eyesight after staring at the computer for more than 10 hours without stop. well, i guess there's no such person, maybe? in these 3 days, i've written a few bars of melody in the group, not bad at all. hehe. i'm determined to continue writing so that nothing from this course goes to waste. hehe. i also learnt the typical structure of chinese ballads and after then that i realised that every song is so the same.

I'm so irritated by PW. our GPP is still rejected after 3 drafts. tomorrow still must go school and meet him to discuss our project, when i have to prepare the concert at like 12+. argh!! why must he spoil my day everytime? hmm.. I've been quite slack these few days, hasnt been meeting my study plan. so sad, feel so super shi bai. but why am i so lazy? i cant understand myself. i can just sit on the bed for hours stoning!! that's very bad. how? who can help me?? I want to stop stoning!!!!!!!!! I want to study!! I want to get rid of this shi bai feeling! I want to write beautiful melodies!! I want to play chords! Help!! I want to sing and perform well for the concert tomorrow!!!!! argh!!

2005-05-21T14:00:00.000+08:00

i had chem test today, and i think i'm going to do so badly. oh no, how arh? i'm like failing all my test!! help! except for maths. but still, that's like so lousy. haiz, how? not that i didnt study. i think i'm not very very sure of my concepts, that's why doubts arise when I was doing the test.

Today was the basketball's finals, A boys and girls. Girls is between Hwa Chong and Victoria and Boys between Hwa CHong and Temasek. our girls won! 68-34. but our guys lost-- 73-65. anyway, it's ok. it's not that much behind anyway, only 8 points. hee, so it's ok la. but I didnt really get the chance to watch properly. School releases us at 12.40 to go but Dr siva insisted on us staying for his PW lesson. and wat? he starts at 1.30 to 1.50! and because of that we can only take the 2.45 bus. so irritating. hmm. and i have to leave the sports hall at 3.15 for choir practice. so i practically go there to talk to Lou. haha. reached there, talked to her, and when i went back to the HC side, the first match ended! oh ya, wtfk, if anyone of you happen to read, so sorry that you all cant come to my house on sun. my mom say better not, cos i need to pei my dad. haha. sorry yep? and thanks so much for understanding. you all are the best guys ever! love you all loads la. even in HC or NJ, I couldnt find anyone as fantastic, understanding, selfless, caring as you guys. thanks yea? i miss you all loads loads. everyone is saying that they miss AH life and frens, and I don't differ. ;)

Concert is next sat, 28th May, VCH, 7.30pm and tickets are sold at $12. anyone would care to go? ;) you can contact me if you want to go. thanks! as i said, concert is coming. and obviously, we're practising like mad. we just had practice from 4 to 8 today, and 9 to 4 tomorrow, 12 to 3 on mon, and also the whole of next week. yea man, we can do it!! sure can pull thru and shine!! esp the sops. jia you peeps! ;)

i did my block test studying plan a few days ago, and the first studying day is supposed to be today. haiz, must have discipline right. yeah, let's do it! Here I go to finish my work and remember kaung'a yachee and sigulempong. haha. got actions some more. :p

Is it me?

2005-05-18T14:54:00.000+08:00

Well, I got back 2 tests today. I got 32% for my econs essay test and 36% for my bio test. Super discouraged and demoralised. Am I really that stupid? Or I think I wasnt really prepared enough. And for the essay test, I went in with complete ignorance of the essay writing skills. hmm, is it possible for me to improve? God, I really need your strength and encouragement. I know people has been telling me that it'll be ok and everything but yet, I hate to admit that I am doubtful of my own ability. So I think I really need GOd's wisdom and strength ba. This fri I'll be having a chem test. I tell myself, I cannot not do well for this test. I believe that GOd's purpose for me right here is not to fail and do badly. but it's to shine for Him. I guess this will be a lesson for me- I've never scored such grades before- that no matter what happens, I should still turn back to Him and tap for His eternal source of strength. So i really really must Jia you for the upsoming block test la. Thanks to all your guys who've talkked to me and encouraged me. Especially to Zhenyi, thanks so so much yea? From yesterday, I've been bothering you when you're having a test. I didnt know. sorry. but thanks for all the advice, guidance, encouragement, everything! You're just simply a gem. :)

finding time and energy in the midst of 'no time'

2005-05-11T15:18:00.000+08:00

hoohoo. this week is a super hectic week for me. with bio test on tue, GP essay test on thurs, chem SPA and maths lect test on fri. boohoo.. God, I really need Your strength to go on and endure through, and yea, I'm gonna shine for Ya!! =)

I think I gained 10 kg over the weekend! feel so fat now. haha. Wonder how a Mothers' Day can do this. hmm, firstly, on fri went to Amara Hotel and ate buffet. Man, the chocolate cake is nice. Then the next day I'm supposed to go for Sports' Day and I pon! haha. At night went to Turf City and ate the seafood restaurant. I think it's super rich in everything! haha. like lobster, clam, fish, crab, etc. That's not it! On sunday night, we ate steamboat and cut cake at night, 9pm. Yea, so I think you guys understand how fat i grow after this weekend. haha.

today I went to paint banner for the annual choir concert, Myriad, and got paint all over my hands. The worst thing is that the paint is enamel paint, so it's like stuck on my hands, and there are blots on my skirt! Well, I just bought my skirt 1 month ago. BLue and white on brown uniform is not nice. and my dear friend spilled the tin of aluminium. On himself, apparently and it got stuck to his hair, specs, hands, everything! some got to my hair too. trying all ways not to cut it out though. I'll cry!

After that went to church for the conference with Rev. Phil Pringle. Wah, his son and the girl singer, Nikki Fletcher, if I'm not wrong, are super cute la. She's so chio and he's quite ok, not bad. pei each other. haha. and the presence of God was super super strong at the last part. How i wish I can stay there forever. It's really something that is so undescribable and once you enter, you never wanna leave and can live there forever. My eyes are super pain now, must be from all the crying. haha. but it was very good. He said that we, as believers, have 4 faces in us: of course, the humanity, where we ARE humans. face of lion, which represents leadership, that we reign over all devils; oxen, with a spirit to serve and eagle, which means our spiritual side- praying, worshipping, praising. But the whole sermon also dwells a lot on visions and destiny. haha. so refreshed now. I'm sure I can pull through the week.

YAY!! Tomorrow Ms Lim coming for choir prac! Then we'll know what the judges think of us. haha. and of course, sectionals! to learn new fun songs (finally) for the concert. haha. i better go and do my work now!! ;) take care and God bless you guys.. -AgApE

SYF! Finally... all the way! =D

2005-05-05T12:08:00.000+08:00

haha. SYF is over! though i've not joined the choir like most of the J1s, I've put in my effort, learnt the songs in 4 weeks, have not given up. and here we are, gaining ourselves Gold With Honours and invitation to SYF opening ceremony on 25th July @ the Esplanade. haha. i could still remember the scene very clearly, walking to the tuning room with the serenity prayer in my heart all the time, even on stage. well, i totally believe that if it wasn't for the peace and strength from GOd, i would probably have shivered like mad on stage. really just thank GOd, not for the award but the strength and the concentration. it was really the first time after I joined the choir that i wasn't afraid of singing in front of other schools. and i didnt miss any 'chicken's for Bin-nam-ma! haha..

choir for the last three practices hasn't been that fantastic, yesterday was bad. Ms Lim used words like 'sai', 'shit', 'sickening', 'crap', etc. It was so super demoralising. I just felt like giving up, that i dreamt that the Soprano screwed up the whole SYF and couldn't fall asleep again. yeah, but thank God, we made it.

On stage, we just sang like normal, though we went sharp and rushed a bit for Bin-nam-ma. anyway, all the choirs went sharp today! haha. so it's ok. but at least the gan jue was sort of there. not really, but better than any practices, since HC is well known for being si ban. haha. and people tell us that we're the liveliest choir just now. like 'huh?' the teacher went around the hall and asked people what they think about us and they just simply say 'engaging'. haha. guess it's all the actions ba. anyway, don say le. cos the only word that can be used to describe this whole thing is 'undescribable'.

When it was time for the results to be announced, I was like super nervous, cos the scene for 2003 SYF kept coming back. "Anglican High Schools-- a pause-- Silver-- another pause-- sniffing, clapping".. and so here it was, this year's competition results. 'National Junior College'- Gold. I was still telling my fren, if Nj got GWH, we have to scream for them. but yea, i guess it's not their fault. they sang in between 2 GOOD choirs- AC, the choir of the yearS and VJ, one of the most interesting choirs of Mr. NElson Kwei. they sang their best, and they know that it's unlikely that the judges will give 3 GWH in a row. so yeah, well done NJChoir! you all are already a choir with GWH!! continue to JIA YOU! ;) RJ was before us and before they announced the result, i was like Gold or GWH? as in the judges won't give 2 Gold with honours in a row either.

On the way back to school on the bus, we just kept on singing songs- it was so heartwarming! all the hwa chu songs. what can I say except to thank God again? for everything. that thru this whole SYF i really integrated into the choir. and for the strength He gave me to endure everything through. the next aim will be the Myraid concert on 28th May. we shall all work towards the better!! yeah!

now that the whole syf is over, time to focus back on my schoolwork, time to catch up with everything. Jia you jia you jia you!!

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." -2 Timothy 4:7

Finally.... passion once again..

2005-05-03T09:56:00.000+08:00

phew, finally. a holiday. although it's only one day, I still thank God for it. at least i got one full day to get back the energy and motivation and oomph. here i go again. well, did practically nothing except for GPP and choir prac today. haha. and of cos to create this thing here. SYF is like 2 days away, and yet my throat is still not in its full strength. =( tried all means to get it back, pi pa gao, lime water, redoxon, etc. haha. today i went for choir prac- gan jue just not there. we're like cold-blooded animals! and we never seem to be able to sing well in front of people. NJ came and listened. we've never sang well in front of them anyways. so sad. looking forward to wed, when all our hard work will bring us the results. no matter what it is, i'm sure i can thank God for it cos it really doesnt matter wat we have- at least we've put in our best these months. well, all i know is that it helped me integrate into the choir much better. i miss my days in NJ choir man. not that i'm not enjoying myself here, but i miss all the people there. recently, everytime i see them, time seems to only allow us to say 'hi'. :(

Enough about all the choir stuff. haha. well, just now one of my frens cried! I was so touched by her. She really encouraged me by her passion for her friends and loved ones. and it really reminded me of myself last year. how i wish i can get back that gan-jue. something that really motivates you to live on and caring for one another. I don't care. I must get it back today!!

I am looking forward so so much to EMERGE!! it's really a time where i can emerge! haha. still got 1 months +. :( but i don't know if i can join the activities. ;( my family asking me to avail myself for holidays, about 1 week. but if i go after emerge, then no time to study for block test le. if i go before, my POS how??!! God, please give me the wisdom to sort out my time.

Anyway, it's getting quite late le. I don't often go online cos of the heavy workload. or otherwise, i actually prefer spending time in my room, reading magazines, books or Bible. haha. i got to take my dinner now.