Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Thursday, March 29, 2007
:(
Stepping on the new weighing machine that I bought, I got a shock. I don't know how, I gained 2kgs in a day, though I consumed only a cheese stick in the morning, a bread for lunch and a proper dinner. How?! And I have checked again and again, there's nothing wrong with the machine. Must be the shit inside me again, literally I mean shit.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Just...
Things have never been better. Everything seems to be going on well, my work, relationship with friends, family, etc. Just ONE thing lacking. My discipline. Lacking of discipline to do what I am supposed to do; which is the most important thing in my life right now. And sometimes I do hate myself for that. It is so sickening to come to God every single time wanting to repent and when things go on, things go on. ok, I'm not making sense. Haha. Aiya, just me la. Everything lies with me and my laziness.
I feel the excitement in the spiritual realm. With Emerge 2007, Benny Hinn, Missions all coming together. Spiritual warfare too. Lord, I really need to pick myself up.
Joce, go. God has always been there, and will always be there. Everything lies with you now.
Education wise, overseas or stay? seriously, I prefer going overseas, for the exposure and experience. But then again, what do You want me to do? Cos I really don't want to miss out on anything that You have called me to do. So what if I get into the best university if it is not Your plan for me? Frankly speaking, I feel so good whenever I meet God here in church. Argh, direction Lord, direction.
And again, it lies with me. JOCE!!!
I feel the excitement in the spiritual realm. With Emerge 2007, Benny Hinn, Missions all coming together. Spiritual warfare too. Lord, I really need to pick myself up.
Joce, go. God has always been there, and will always be there. Everything lies with you now.
Education wise, overseas or stay? seriously, I prefer going overseas, for the exposure and experience. But then again, what do You want me to do? Cos I really don't want to miss out on anything that You have called me to do. So what if I get into the best university if it is not Your plan for me? Frankly speaking, I feel so good whenever I meet God here in church. Argh, direction Lord, direction.
And again, it lies with me. JOCE!!!
Saturday, January 20, 2007
a few days.
things have been quite bad these 2 days. argh, no, just that i got very bad PMS and everyday i dont sleep properly, can't sleep. so it's bad, make PMS even more. rawr.
what's the point of gaining everything if you lose your own soul?
my face is peeling, and it's burning, thanks to Retin-A. Mom say i put too much. haha. remember last time i dont even apply the medicine after i go to the doctor, and now i'm putting too much. see how different I am? =)
2 days ago the share broker came and explained everything to me. luckily he's a nice guy, always teaching, if not i would have felt even stupid-er. who ask me to not know anything about it? hah. must learn from scratch. hey joce, thank God that you got the chance to play! =) auntie vincy has been very very nice about the internship too, way too nice already.
met dear dora yesterday. =)=)=)
after that had voice. man, how can Peter be SO good? argh, i just can't express myself, and what's singing without expression? i admit i was super conscious over myself and was very nervous. haha. another side of me, i dont have confidence. =( it can be scary why i am so scared. stupid right? yeah. and chinese songs are all about loving but not being able to have it -- broken-hearted -- yeah, i dont know how it feel. haha. and i dont want to try. i shall just try singing it out anyway, but not experiencing it. =)=) all the vocal expressions, the moaning sound, airy sound etc. argh!!! i just don't get it. but it's ok, he asked me to explore at home. haha. but it was a good come-back after 1/2 year anw. =)=)
talked to lou at night, and as usual, conversation can't get shorter than 1 hour, but yesterday we crossed the line of 2 hours! crazy, that's the result of missing out too much info from about aug? haha. but still, love ya loads dear. =)
Lord, why can't everything be stable? i know i am at a much greater advantage than many people in terms of conditions and surroundings, but at least i see them trying and i am not. and i am sick and tired of myself 'repenting' everytime. it just make me disgust myself even more. i have to love myself. i have to love myself. i have to love myself.
what's the point of gaining everything if you lose your own soul?
my face is peeling, and it's burning, thanks to Retin-A. Mom say i put too much. haha. remember last time i dont even apply the medicine after i go to the doctor, and now i'm putting too much. see how different I am? =)
2 days ago the share broker came and explained everything to me. luckily he's a nice guy, always teaching, if not i would have felt even stupid-er. who ask me to not know anything about it? hah. must learn from scratch. hey joce, thank God that you got the chance to play! =) auntie vincy has been very very nice about the internship too, way too nice already.
met dear dora yesterday. =)=)=)
after that had voice. man, how can Peter be SO good? argh, i just can't express myself, and what's singing without expression? i admit i was super conscious over myself and was very nervous. haha. another side of me, i dont have confidence. =( it can be scary why i am so scared. stupid right? yeah. and chinese songs are all about loving but not being able to have it -- broken-hearted -- yeah, i dont know how it feel. haha. and i dont want to try. i shall just try singing it out anyway, but not experiencing it. =)=) all the vocal expressions, the moaning sound, airy sound etc. argh!!! i just don't get it. but it's ok, he asked me to explore at home. haha. but it was a good come-back after 1/2 year anw. =)=)
talked to lou at night, and as usual, conversation can't get shorter than 1 hour, but yesterday we crossed the line of 2 hours! crazy, that's the result of missing out too much info from about aug? haha. but still, love ya loads dear. =)
Lord, why can't everything be stable? i know i am at a much greater advantage than many people in terms of conditions and surroundings, but at least i see them trying and i am not. and i am sick and tired of myself 'repenting' everytime. it just make me disgust myself even more. i have to love myself. i have to love myself. i have to love myself.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
nganggur
sian. everyday is just the same, nothing much to do. waking up so late, sleeping late too. And I seem to complain that there's nothing to do while the things i'm supposed to do are not done. Joce, you weren't this slack last time. boo~ and when work starts i got even less time for myself. which is bad.
Listening to Colors of the wind over and over again because of vocal lesson on Fri. Scared kena scold by Peter. haha.
Relationships have never been worse. Other than the church people, I seem to be an anti-social being. Feeling especially bad to my Hwa Chong dearies. bleagh. But i know if it drags on longer it'll be even worse. I care, I feel bad but I feel so bad about being not contacting them that I am afraid to break it. What if they're angry with me? argh. help.
Searching where I dropped myself. Pick it up. =)=)
Listening to Colors of the wind over and over again because of vocal lesson on Fri. Scared kena scold by Peter. haha.
Relationships have never been worse. Other than the church people, I seem to be an anti-social being. Feeling especially bad to my Hwa Chong dearies. bleagh. But i know if it drags on longer it'll be even worse. I care, I feel bad but I feel so bad about being not contacting them that I am afraid to break it. What if they're angry with me? argh. help.
Searching where I dropped myself. Pick it up. =)=)
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