Sophie's leaving!!

Yeah, SOPHIE'S leaving! Sad! I really love her a lot a lot and can't imagine the cell group without her. Yes, things will definitely change, but oh well what can I do but pray? She's really one person whom inspire me so much with just the aura she brings around her. That simple innocence yet mature feeling, bubbly and joyful yet wise; busy yet approachable; there's just something about her that draws people to her. and she's the only one who knows my EVERYTHING. sobz. But then again, she's really leaving and I will eventually let go; just that it's such a pity. Hao she bu de. The best I can do is to comtinue to keep her in prayer and that time will pass so quickly that she'll be back again rite. sophie sophie sophie.

This week has been great. Work is more than wonderful! It's so fun; with not only my mental being challenged but also my spirit and emotional being. And Auntie Vincy is more than inspiration. She asked, what makes people not pray, read the Word etc though they know that they should and God is good? Of course, first word that came was lazy, and taking it for granted. More than that, she said gratitude. It's like when you first knew God you thank Him so much, love Him so much. After that, you take Him for granted. For example, you pray for a baby and when you get it, you love the baby so much you forgot about God. Is it right? Yeah, prayer is power too. In everything you do, you can pray, even in the business sector. Auntie Vincy really taught me that other than the professional side of a job, there is also the spiritual realm and she really let me see how she can shine in the marketplace, simply because of her attitude and dependence on God. AMAZING.

Today we had singles' party; a lot of fun. Actually it's not really a singles' party, just sophie's farewell. =( it went on well, many people cried. But no one beats how cute pris is! haha. Pris, no worries, I love you. =) then Pauline was also very sad. Haiz. Video, especially the message from Zhenyi, seems so far, and Zhenyi, too, left. So it's super super sad. Soph, why must you leave? But i guess it's harder for you than for any of us too. COme to think of it, what will I feel if I go to US to study later in the year? Will I go? Can You guide my path?

Work has get me back to the routine of life. Not those in front of the computer, waiting and waiting, for no reason. Not those walking around the house aimlessly. However, it has also robbed me of my time for myself. Piano especially; and other activities. Still, for whatever amount I'm learning there, I would rather give everything I have and stay in office even if it means just surfing the net to read up some stuff. At least there's the discipline going. =)

I love people fervently, LOVE IS IN THE AIR! Woo~~

a few days.

things have been quite bad these 2 days. argh, no, just that i got very bad PMS and everyday i dont sleep properly, can't sleep. so it's bad, make PMS even more. rawr.

what's the point of gaining everything if you lose your own soul?

my face is peeling, and it's burning, thanks to Retin-A. Mom say i put too much. haha. remember last time i dont even apply the medicine after i go to the doctor, and now i'm putting too much. see how different I am? =)

2 days ago the share broker came and explained everything to me. luckily he's a nice guy, always teaching, if not i would have felt even stupid-er. who ask me to not know anything about it? hah. must learn from scratch. hey joce, thank God that you got the chance to play! =) auntie vincy has been very very nice about the internship too, way too nice already.

met dear dora yesterday. =)=)=)

after that had voice. man, how can Peter be SO good? argh, i just can't express myself, and what's singing without expression? i admit i was super conscious over myself and was very nervous. haha. another side of me, i dont have confidence. =( it can be scary why i am so scared. stupid right? yeah. and chinese songs are all about loving but not being able to have it -- broken-hearted -- yeah, i dont know how it feel. haha. and i dont want to try. i shall just try singing it out anyway, but not experiencing it. =)=) all the vocal expressions, the moaning sound, airy sound etc. argh!!! i just don't get it. but it's ok, he asked me to explore at home. haha. but it was a good come-back after 1/2 year anw. =)=)

talked to lou at night, and as usual, conversation can't get shorter than 1 hour, but yesterday we crossed the line of 2 hours! crazy, that's the result of missing out too much info from about aug? haha. but still, love ya loads dear. =)

Lord, why can't everything be stable? i know i am at a much greater advantage than many people in terms of conditions and surroundings, but at least i see them trying and i am not. and i am sick and tired of myself 'repenting' everytime. it just make me disgust myself even more. i have to love myself. i have to love myself. i have to love myself.

Fires of Revival

I realised I'm into blogging nowadays, which is good. =)=) maybe cos i got nth to do. haha.

Prayer meeting was more than fantastic yeasterday. Super-dee-duper refreshing in my spirit. Finally, after such a long time, that I felt His presence once more. I don't know if the holidays and being so comfortable has made my heart grown cold and that a wall is built, that as much as I want to touch Him again previously, it seems so hard. but anyway, eveyrthing was sorted out yesterday. A touch changes.. A touch from heaven melts away the ice, and breaks the walls down. yipee~ =)=) isn't it wonderful, that life with Christ gets better and better each day and here I am now, standing in front of 2007, ready to face it. Everything has been good. Quiet time, Spiritual life, and yesh! Relationship!! =)=) Ever so important -- with myself, with God and people around me. And I realise mostly that when relationship with God is good, it will be reflected in many other areas of life, especially relationship with people. Finally took a step and talked to dear dora. wah, miss her loads. haha. a few more in line. yes, i need to get it going.

a song hit me hard yesterday.

FIRES OF REVIVAL
I CAME TO THE GATHERING OF THE PEOPLE OF THE LORD
AND FOUND MY WAY AMONG THEM TO HIS THRONE
I NEEDED TO RETURN UNTO THE ALTAR OF MY GOD
TO RENEW AGAIN MY CONVENANT WITH HIM

AND THERE I BUILD AN ALTAR TO HIS NAME
AND REALIZED MY LIFE
COULD NEVER BE THE SAME
AND THEN THE FIRE OF REVIVAL
CAME SWEEPING THROUGH MY SOUL
AND I TOUCHED THE HOLY PRESENCE OF MY GOD

COME BUILD AN ALTAR UNTO THE LORD
RETURN TO WORSHIP AND HEAR HIS WORD
AND THEN THE FIRE OF REVIVAL
CAME SWEEPING THROUGH MY SOUL
AND I TOUCHED THE HOLY PRESENCE OF MY GOD

nganggur

sian. everyday is just the same, nothing much to do. waking up so late, sleeping late too. And I seem to complain that there's nothing to do while the things i'm supposed to do are not done. Joce, you weren't this slack last time. boo~ and when work starts i got even less time for myself. which is bad.

Listening to Colors of the wind over and over again because of vocal lesson on Fri. Scared kena scold by Peter. haha.

Relationships have never been worse. Other than the church people, I seem to be an anti-social being. Feeling especially bad to my Hwa Chong dearies. bleagh. But i know if it drags on longer it'll be even worse. I care, I feel bad but I feel so bad about being not contacting them that I am afraid to break it. What if they're angry with me? argh. help.

Searching where I dropped myself. Pick it up. =)=)

2007..

2007. a new year with new hope. Lord, my prayer for this new year is that I can get to know you better. i know this requires more than just patience in waiting for your presence, it also needs discipline, desire and i have to be careful of Distractions. So I simply lift myself up into Your hands, I thank you for being so evident in my life, but that's not enough. i know there can be something mroe to it. In this new year, please teach me how to yield myself more unto You, that I will and can seek FIRST the Kingdom of God, cos I know everything else will then fall into path. I don't want to waste my time Lord, for I know that time is short and that it also represents my life, so while I still can, I want to catch on to the dream, the opportunity and make the best out of it.

2007 has been fine for me, I guess. Nothing much to do, slacking around with DVDs, computer games, gameboy, playstation etc. rawr. this is so cannot. joce, you need to do something more worthwhile! yes i do have to. go read your bible!

i really thank God for the chance to have a good talk with Kiki last sunday. and I so love the people God has put into my life. =)

BAck!!

ok, havent been blogging since As finishes, cos i left on the last day and you know it, during hols you dont really sit down and do sth. =) activities after activities. heh.

First, HAPPY NEW YEAR! In this new year, there must be new hopes, new beginnings, new motivation, new grace and anointing. I mean 2006 was great but there are many not that good memories too, so all those stuff shall not pull me down. =) God, in this new year I pray that I will really grow in You, get more and more serious and have breakthrough in the area of my spirituality and wisdom, I admit that I need a lot of guidance and Lord may those guidance be from you and you only. In Jesus name, Amen.

Holiday was great!! Spent 4 weeks in Indo, a few highlights are Hillsong COncert in Jakarta, SUbmarine ride in Bali, SHopping in Bandung. Had great great fun, with my dear family.

After that was like to US n Canada. It's a diff type of holiday because it's really packed with activities and going with 30 ppl is no ease. and knowing me, even if I dont agree with sth I'll just go with them simply bcos they're elders. rahr. and that sometimes hurt. heh. anyway, Whistler was more than fantastic. It was like heavens!! The snow was like powder and my ski instructor was a super enthusiastic girl that she brought us up to top of the mountain and told us to ski all the way down. woo~~ started with a crash with Andy and it was so funny. like he couldnt really control, but thank God the snow was really soft. other than being cold and the getting up, it wasnt that bad. and we took about 2 hours skiing all the way down. super tired, cold and still having jet lag so first day skiing was bad, but very memorable. haha. next 2 days was great, really. =)=) love whistler, love skiing, love the snow. snowmobile was a good experience too. snowball fights, making snowman are just a few things we did. many stupid things happened too! hah. like we bought one whole trolley, those in hotels for luggage, of food from the supermarket! hah. FUN.

LAS VEGAS. Good shows. Good hotel. Everything free. haha. went to watch mamma mia, david copperfield, kelly chen with vaness as guest. very good. all so worth it. =) hotel was good, went to red canyon. beautiful rocks, fun people. met uncle weisiong and family too. =) i realised that it is truly with my family that I dont feel pressurised, and so much at ease. Really thank God for them. =)

LOS ANGELES. Disneyland hotel was a bit old, but when you're with the right people, it doesnt matter. =) made a drama for pek2 n pekmu 25th anniversary and it went on well. really put in a lot of effort into it so it was all worth it. =) disneyland was fun, but the same everywhere. what's more fun is the cutting queue! haha. oops. yes we do that all the time. haha. even in toilet queues. haha. pin trading craze, posing for camera in rollercoasters etc. goodness, how crazy can we get?? =)

Yeah with every holiday, we have to go back to our own lives, that's why it's called HOLIDAY. I miss my family loads. But hey Joce, they have to go back to school, work etc, unlike you. So let them go alright? and now I want to go Australia, who would go with me?

11 days more to go, HELP!

11 more days to go and I sort of feel that i'm not prepared. it's as if the more i do, the more muddle-headed i get. like dont know what i am doing. but still, I refuse to confess negatively no matter what.

and yes, LORD, PLEASE HELP ME! ok, I realised that it's not about whether He'll work in me but whether i'll let Him work in me. So please HELP me!!! I can't go on like this. Thank GOd for God really. haha. Cell group was super good, when once again I could feel the presence of God overwhelming my entire heart, that I can be here writing about it now. if not I wouldn't even be bothered to do anything. It's really not a mistake that I went for cell group then. =)

been doing loads of university applications and CV. I need refreshing in my Spirit, and Lord, only that you can do. =) So Lord, I pray that you'll be the one pushing me on because this is tough, very tough and I almost cannot go on well anymore, if You dont come in and help. So today I declare that I'm totally open to YOur works that anything You want to do in me, through me and with me I'll totally let You, that I can be totally open and vulnerable to YOu. I give you all that I am in exchange for all that YOu are. I know i have my weaknesses, but only YOU shine in them. So Lord, I simply pray that You'll push me on. that i'm going to give my best shot during this last lap. Lord, I also just lift up my friends into YOur Hands, as I am dried up, I believe most of them are, also because it's just so natural to be tired. but Lord, I pray You'll take away any fatigue in them and refresh them in the mind Lord, that they'll know that some being higher up there is working with them. and Lord, please help them along as well because i know for sure you love them no matter what. amen.

YOu guys taking A's there, I know it's tough, very tough. but then again, just walk on because we have to. and not for that only, if not it seems so unwilling and reluctant. ok, walk on because we want to not just walk but to walk on WELL. take care and GOd bless dears. love ya.

29 more days to go.

ask me why I am so moody. I hope it is PMS and not me. been super serious past few days, or maybe it is the exams that caused me to be like that. I hope it doesn't last long, really. I seem to lose all the joy and 'talk-non-stop' me but 'ok, study, joce study'. who asks me to be so ill-disciplined in my studying that even I am frustrated with my pace and attitude of studying. God, I need discipline!!

Prelims hasn't been too good. Fancy getting DEAD. Should I take it just like that? I hope it doesn't come to pass anyways. I know that words matters life and death, but I hope not this time.

Ok, buck up Joce. buck up. STUDY!! 29 more days to go....

post- prelim

a bit outdated but oh wells, better than never.
the reality of exams ending seem like a dream come true that i feel weird. it's weird that it's over, that i can see myself appearing in theresia's birthday party. hah. but it's not the quantity of time spent not studying but the quality of time. went to do so many things after that, like

baking with 3 wonderful darlings MING, TIFF, LINX! it was fun! haha. created many sinful temptations: 1) Hersheys' best brownies a lil' too chocolate-y
2) Chewy Peanut butter Kisses stupid me forgot to turn on
the oven & poor linx had to eat dough (yeah chewy dough)
which caused diaorrhea
3) Apricot Oatmeal Biscuits my favourite being not too
sweet.
But then again, it's not about the food but about the heart to heart connection we had after we finished baking. really drew so close to tiff when i totally understand how she feels about growing up. much like me huh.

Thursday was wonderful!! ADORA! =) really talked non-stop. first coffee bean and then pasta cafe and it seems as if we just dont get tired of talking, especially when it's about spiritual things. everything just seems to be wonderful in Him and simply love you more after the sharing. =) After that was Bible Study, yeah and wonderful mich pay told pastor the wrong chapter and we all had to prepare an offering message to preach. ok, but i learnt a lot a lot so no complains, simply thank God for the chance and yes, MICH PAY!

Was already so tired of going out. What more school on tuesday, and GP!! but monday was still good. went to joy's chalet and really missed wate a lot so it was good. praise God. =)=)

Everything is good. Praise the Lord but results have only shown that it's no longer time to play. I have to buck up buck up buck up. actually I don't know what's wrong, I seem to know my stuff but can't do well for exams. WHY? is it that i over-study that eveyrhting becomes muddle-headed and i'm no longer clear? it seems as if I can't think and evaluate anymore. =( WHO CAN TELL?

Thank God for encouragements that is at least different, telling me that now is the critical period and it makes heaven loads of difference about what I do now. ok, so for now i'm going to study even harder. and thank GOd or friends to encourage cos I realised it's even better listening to my own words than others. when i encourage, i'm surprised at my words and will be encouraged too. anyway if i genuinely want my friends to be encouraged at my words, i have to be convinced by it and put it into action too. joce, remember, you can be disappointed for prelims but dont even be discouraged. the most important is that you can say, no regrets, even after results come out; rather than "I should have done this, done that...."

"Lord, I life up all my results into Your Hands, I wont deny that I am thankful for some, disappointed with the others, but still no matter what I will lift them up to YOu, for You are the only one who can deal in me and make me do things heartily. So for the next two months or so, it'll just be in my prayers that I can continue to press in and walk to strongly in You, that when i sidetrack You put me back on track and that when I find no motivation, You motivate me. Lord I pray that this exams I am going to shine for You like never before, that I can study in the Spirit and be so Spirit oriented in everything, because YOu are the CREATOR of all knowledge, of heaven and earth and though no one knows what questions are coming out, YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF A LEVELS and You will simply guide me into it. I also pray for all my friends around me who are going through the same thing, that YOu be the guide and comforter, from those who know you to those who don't, i thank You that YOu love every single one of them. I pray You'll hold their hands and keep them on: Lou, Bel, Sarah, Bev, Qi, Dixon, Sharon, Pris, Adora, Linx, Shao, Ben, Edmund, Mingtse, Tiffy, Sean, Huixuan, Jiayin, Pam, Kaiqian, Charlene, Jielong, Shiru, Chelly, Xuanyi....." In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

I'm going to lift it all up to Him, yes, only HIm. even if I dont know how and seem to not be able to do so, I will force myself to do so. Please guide me.

FINALLY!

Prelims is finally finally over. phew. i can't imagine one month has just zoomed by. and if this 1 month is so fast, the next 1 month will too. prelims, oh well, when is internal exam easy but i have decided to pray my way through, like what i've always done.

Lord, I know that everything now is in Your hands as I let you hold it up. I simply pray that I can shine for You this time again, the last internal exam in HwaChong. Lord, I know with this faith and Your grace, ALL is in Your Hands. I thank You before hand. Amen.

FIRST

I LOVE, BECAUSE YOU FIRST LOVED ME
I LIVE, BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU GAVE
YOU DIED, SHOWED ME HOW TO LIVE
YOUR MERCY TAUGHT ME TO FORGIVE

YOU CAME AND POURED YOURSELF SO FREE
YOUR BLOOD WASHED AWAY MY SHAME
AND NOW I CAN LIVE AGAIN
I'M MORE OF YOU AND LESS OF ME

MY FIRST LOVE
FOREVER YOU WILL BE
MY FIRST BREATH
YOU'RE THE LIFE IN ME
MY FIRST JOY
THE WORLD CAN NEVER TAKE FROM ME
MY COVENANT WITH YOU
JESUS

YOUR LOVE FALLS DOWN
YOUR LOVE FALLS DOWN
YOUR LOVE FALLS DOWN
OVER ME

happenings

i dont know why but i suddenly feel like blogging. haha. must be so weird but oh wells this feeling is like so rare then must as well blog. i dont know what's wrong with me this week. last week was great. and i am saying all these is about internal gan jue. outside i'm still alright. even inside is alright but i dont want it to be just alright. i want it to be good. maybe others would not understand what i'm talking about, but it's just this thing inside that you dont feel so rooted to your purpose, though not totally out. so i really must get down to my knees and pull myself closer to Him once again i guess. i still look forward to meeting God but the passion has drawn back a little weeny bit. and i dont like it. simply cant stand it. argh. but it all lies with me i guess. =)

like just now service said, prosperity does not mean only financially but in every aspect: spirit, soul, body, finances, relationships, etc. and the crucial factor is the soul- the way you think. we need to have our mind renewed to start looking at things in a different perspectives cos only then that we can truly change our life. i think it's very true. haha. so i shall try to apply it yea?

choir concert is coming up in 2 weeks time!! so exciting! but also our last project together and these few weeks we have really gone through it together. i knew a day like wednesday will surely come, and truly it did. hmm. but i guess we really deserve it la. no sense of urgency at all, discipline not too good. =(=( but we will buck up for sure. too bad this week i wont be around to sing with the choir and to struggle together to make this concert a successful one, for the sake of the school, the choir, Ms Lim, ourselves and most importantly our love. without it we would really be dead. no love = no music = no hwa chong. =(

i'm going to melbourne tomorrow. i know it's super inapt that i'm going in the middle of school term. what to do? dad got wedding dinner in mel and since this week got election day hol on mon, sports day on thu and vesak day on fri, he ask us to go over too. at the same time also can go and look at the universities. going to mel u, monash, u syd, unsw. haha. but a bit waste money hor~!! aiya, nvm. ticket and hotel all book le. looking forward to it! =)

nest thing up would be australia, concert, emerge, study study study. but EMERGE!!! argh!! I want to emerge to a different person, up a notch spiritually after EMERGE!! muahahaha. i shall EMERGE!!! =)

take care and God blesss. =))

agape.

EASTER!!

CSI: Singapore

Date of Event: Easter Sunday
Venue: East Coast Park – Marine Parade Areas
Expected duration: 2pm – 6pm

Objective of the Game:
A crime has been committed; the objective of each team is to solve the mystery by tracing evidence found at the scene of the crime.

Synopsis:
Mr Andrew Tan, his wife and his son have been found murdered in the living room of their East Coast home. The door was found to be ajar and the three victims were facing the door, lying in 3 separate pools of blood. There are no signs of break-in. However, several antique porcelain vases are noticed to be missing from the family vault. Burglary is suspected. However, there is little evidence pointing to who might be the killer(s). Upon investigation, it is found to that Mr Tan has a younger daughter about 9 years of age. She is not found at the scene and is largely suspected to have been kidnapped. A note is found on her bed, demanding a ransom giving the CSI a small hint as to how they may find her before her time runs out.

Each team in the game represents a team of CSI (Crime Scene Investigators) whose job is to gather evidence from the scene of the crime, process it and make logical deductions as to who the killers might be based on the results of their analysis. Half of the CSI teams will be delegated to tracking down Mr Tan’s daughter, racing against time to find her before she gets killed.

Each team in charge of finding out the killers will be given a package the following:
Badges identifying each member of the team as a CSI. They will need this to gain access to various stations in the game.
Prints of fingerprints found at the scene of the crime. Details such as location of print will be given.
Blood samples taken from the scene of the crime. Again, details such as colour and location will be attached.
Hair samples (ditto)
Shoeprints (ditto)
Clothes Fibres (ditto)
The order in which they have to approach their stations.

Each team in charge of tracking down Alisa (Mr Tan’s Daughter) will be given a package containing the following:

Badges identifying each member of the team as a CSI. They will need this to gain access to various stations in the game.
A notebook and pencil to figure out the puzzles and clues the kidnappers have left for them.
The ransom note.
A stack of dollar notes as ransom for Alisa.
Fingerprints lifted from the ransom note.
The order in which they will have to approach their stations.


Each sample given to the teams will mean they have to go to a certain location to get their evidence processed. For example, to get your fingerprints identified, you will have to go to CSI Lab 1 which will be located at East Coast Park BBQ Pit 1, to get your blood sample results, teams will have to head down to CSI Lab 2 located at East Coast Park Macdonald’s. etc.

They will have to complete a related task at each station in order to get their results. The results of their samples will give them clues to solve the mystery. Teams that fail the tasks will not be given the clues. Instead, they have to head to their next destination and can only come back to the station to try again if they have time.

Teams in charge of tracking down Alisa will be given puzzles leading them to Alisa.

The first team to find Alisa and the first team to solve the mystery correctly will win the prizes.

isn't it cool? it's a game for this easter to just have fun and celebrate easter. ok, been 2 months since i last posted on 18th feb. these 2 months many things have happened. both unhappy and happy ones but well, i'm still here in form, still on track. yes, and i'm still considering my future options. haha. block test was just over and i got BABE. cool. haha. not fantastic though. but it's ok!! still thank God for it cos at least i wasnt tt stressed out while studying for it. =) and today just got back PW results. so many people in my class got band 1! yes, my whole group got band 1 too! haha. some got band 2 but it's ok right? band 2 is not bad either. so cheer up!!

life has been just fantastic. and i dont dread going to school that much. haha. but i wont say i look forward to it either. hmm. too many things to write at one go that i dont know what to. anyway, cheerios!! it's a happy happy life!! haha. take care ang God bless!! =)

class outing

so sad!! i cant make it for JTS again!! i mean the last one was stj, on 21st jan-caleb's bdae. now it's 18th feb, daddy's bdae!! i really really wanted to go but cos biomed ended late so cant go for lunch, have to go for dinner. am feeling super super bad to the class. =( bleagh.

ok, anyway, this week is a super exciting week for me cos i managed to do quite a lot of things, talk to a lot of people. i dont know why but woo~~ I'm just so high! haha. get high on the RIGHT SPIRIT!!!! which kind of spirit must it be then? hehe. man, many things happened. V day was great. i mean it's the first time hwa chong came to life. it was like a bazaar? with baloons n stuff. haha. cool.

yes, i'm here O Lord, to just genuinely want to make friends with my friends, to know them even more and just to fellowship with them and meet their needs. Lord, I just pray that you'll come and guide me in every single step i take, that your love can really pour out of me. so that i can shower others with love too. help me to be so accepting of others and lay down my life for them. love You o Lord, do all these for You. Please guide me.

My life rocks because of you. =) take care and God bless!!

PAIN!! =(

my throat is very very painful!! everything started yesterday actually when i felt very cold suddenly and all my muscles seem to ache. then my throat became very pain, didnt sing for choir. after i came home, measured my temperature and it's 38.7.. didnt even go for bs. couldnt stand it. head throbbing like mad, cant move at all. *bleagh* then had to soak ice water lo.

today morning is much better le. fever went down to 38.2. but still feeling cold. went to ENT and it was so scary!! there's no clinic, only a room called procedure room. when i saw, i was like what procedure??!! so scary. then inside is this chair, with all the equipment, something like dentist clinic. so scary. he sprayed some stuff into my nose that's bitter, and it went down. then my nose became numb. =( after that he put in this long thin thing, with a camera and showed me the passageway through my nose. it's quite disgusting cos it's full of pus, swell and red. ewww.. the thing went down my nose to my throat and voice box. he said that other than my tonsils, my adenoid and voice box is also swollen. that means i cant sing or talk too much for the next 2 weeks?? what a bad news!! argh!! so pain! cant even drink water. and i'm so hungry but i cant eat anything. that's so sad. =(

he said it started out being a viral infection but as time goes, it became bacterial infection. and he said it's all related to gastric cos at night when i sleep, i'm sucking out acid rather than air, tiredness cos my tonsils're constantly fighting and some other stuff. suggested to operate it out. just get it done once and for all. how? should i go for the operation?? =(

the doctor gave me this "Anti-reflux treatment:

- No big meals especially at night
- No mango, onion and peppermint
- Reduce oil, fatty foods, alcohol, chocolate, smoking, spicy food
- No aerated drinks like coke etc
- Rest at least 3 hours after meals before sleeping
- To sit straight up for 3 hours post meal - on a stool
- Sleep head elevated
- No tight clothing
- No coffee or tea
- Frequent sips of water
- NO SUPPERS!!"

Well, I hope this break will get me back on track on some stuff but i dont want this pain!! God, help me go through it all.

Many stuff.

ok, havent been blogging for so so long even if i want to. so i resorted to writing my thoughts down in my note book. but couldnt stand it anymore so here i am!! =)
I'm still having remnants of CNY fun. I mean come to think of it, i dont really have another long break that there's no exam during the first day of school. like march holidays BT1, june hols BT2, end august prelims and november is alr A levels.

for no good reason this year has been very very good for me. as in I am so so high in school. and i dont know why also. weird. haha. i mean it's like so totally different from last year when i just go to school and stone. not that i'm enthu about school but i'll get high. haha. weird, really.

CNY was superb for me. I love it to bits. we did a lot a lot of things together and i actually realise that my family has only two traits: EAT and LAUGH. But i guess that's why i love them so much. It's in front of them that i can really be who i am, sometimes though silly and lame but they accept me for who i am, and though we can laugh at each other and at ourselves, we still respect each other a lot. and we can laugh at something so simple till it seems so funny. and we can argue about which type of orange is the nicest till it's so serious but yet no negative feeling after that. it's that kind of bond that the whole family have to sit all at one table which my mom specially ordered on top on the normal one so that 16 ppl can sit together that only then we can enjoy ourself. and it's a family that everyone makes a difference, no matter how quiet you are, they'll still be sad if you're not around. i mean treasuring one another and the relationship, and it's the joy and love for one another. it's that kind of relationship where we can just sit on the table from 11am in the morning till 9pm at night eating and chatting, one round of food after another. =) wah, love them just love them.

CNY was great cos everyone came back and we just talked, joked, ate. and i got to watch my long anticipated WHITE NOISE! i mean i was quite scared but i tot that it might be interesting, cos stupid me tot it was real. but luckily we watched it in the bedroom, not the karaoke room, or i'll just die. =) then after that andy and i watched the myth. i tot that it was quite good, as in lame, but entertaining la. then on monday we went to watch fearless. i shall not reveal too much about the storyline for the sake of those who havent watched but are planning to watch. i can only say that it's superb!! I mean there was enough action kung fu, sadness, happiness and determination. It just made me realise that life is always such that you only realise certain things after you pay the price and you will never know that it's so high a price till you paid it. sad right? But thank God, I have the Holy Spirit to guide me alongso that i dont make such big mistakes that i cant afford. =)

I also went driving during the CNY break. I want to play golf la!! want to find a pro to teach me so that i can have the basic right and at least can play. still tend to forget many things. =( about posture and not looking at result. =( then i really want to faster be able to play well. there are so many things i want to do, but so little time.

These few days i've been quite troubled over career choices and what i want to pursue in life. i've been thinking about it after the CNY cos of the family shareholders' meeting and after talking to Andy yesterday. We talked about so many many stuff, had a very good talk yst. i mean it's so difficult to get into that kind of talk naturally, even with the closest of friends. =) the thing is that i really want to do something inter-personal. not that i hate finance or banking, i dont mind them but they are not really of my passion. i want to do something related with people, how they think and how to improve their lives. i dont mean medicine only or prolonging life but helping them to maximise their lives. the quality of life, not quantity of days lived.

so i was contemplating psychiatry cos i want to be the one analysing people and can even give medicine to further help me in trying to help them. psychology is not what i wanna major in cos i still need to work under a psychiatrist and write reports back. then we both will discuss abt the patients but the decision and analysis still lies with the psychiatrist. so sad right. so i wanna be a psychiatrist. but i was searching online for it. ok, i realised that i have to take 4 yrs of medicine, housemanship for a few years. then maybe i pursue my masters for let's say 2 years? work for singapore govt for 6 years!!!! before i can pursue my pHd in psychiatry. another 4 yrs to study. that means it'll be about 20 years till i do what i want to do. i then started to think if it's worth it to spend half of my career time just studying for the other half?? HALF eh!! i mean if i go other profession in 20 years time i would have climbed the ladder and be an expert in my job. another is that medicine is apparently very tough and i really have to have a strong passion to heal and help others to motivate me. for 20 years? is it worth it actually to compete and compete just for psychiatry which doesnt need those in-depth study and dissection of the organs?? !!! how?? God, can You lead me and guide me??

then dad was suggesting human resource, business management and psychology. actually i dont mind marketing too. arh, have to find out more about HRM. =) so excited about my life!! wohoo~~!! Love myself, Love life, Love the God of my Life.

Take care and GOd bless

God is so good

"God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, is so good to me."
yes, GOd is so good He never leave me just there, not even one day and i'm feeling so blessed and loved by Him since the beginning of the year than ever. I thank God for a new year!! a new life, another chance where I can shine for the Lord!!

Jesus

"In our Lord Jesus Christ, there was:

meekness without weakness;
tenderness without feebleness;
firmness without coarseness;
love without sentimentality;
holiness without self-righteousness;
lowliness without lowness;
truth without error;
enthusiasm without fanaticism;
passion without prejudice;
carefreness without carelessness;
service without servility;
confidence without egoism;
judgement without harshness;
seriousness without gloominess;
mercy without softness."

new skin

hey!!! happy new year! how do you like my new skin?? finally got the blog done cos i dont really like the previous one. too plain for my taste. so haha. didnt update. =) this one just lack audio. will work on it. =)
ok, i feel fat, look fat and AM fat!! that's like so sad case. =( could feel fats wobbling every action i do!! =( I want to jian fei!!

europe

woo!! just came back from a 15 days trip to europe and one word --amazing--. thank God for the people in the tour, for every 'coincidence' there is, that a romance tour ended up to be a youthful one, with wonderfully open people around. haha. well, i'm so so tired i think i might just blog about it again next week cos i'll be off to korea again TONIGHT!!! =)
take care and God bless peeps!!