To Andy.

Ok, back from HK. Never spent sooo much in my whole life before, bought Canon 400D, Sony viao 370p, and many accessories, bags, and clothings. bleagh.. feel bad and guilty about it. Nevertheless, I had loads of fun.

Thanks, for going. Really really enjoyed my time with you. =) Like what you said, it was much better than expected. All the laughter, fun and jokes we had were memorable, as well as the special moments where things happened (like your SPA experience!) haha. Good good. But more than just the fun, we had much time to chat, open up and share, which is good. Despite all the 'silliness', I know I have someone to turn to. =) Thanks. Really grateful for you.

Yes, the supposedly 2 days trip turned out to be one week, as usual. when there's me, holidays are always extended. So 2 things you have to do: leave your return ticket open and leave your days after the holiday free! Haha, it happened in US, and this time again. Andy said it was my fault I didn't tell him that I want to extend or persuade him not to take honours, if not we would be going to an around the world tour together. Yes, everything is my fault, sorry sorry ok? *winks* In the end you still extended what, and it was worthed, so it's good rite? =)

SPA (both the fish and Shenzhen ^.^ one), where you got molested, PP, SHui Jiao, random questions and jokes, shopping (miss sixty & Levi's eh.) and having fun looking at things, taking photos, calculating how much we spent and how long we've walked together, convincing me to get your favourite brand - sony, and SLR, etc. Many more! Haha. Simple enjoyed my time with you. Gosh! and I love you 10 Dollars! that was hilarious. haha! =)

Haha. Ok la, still missing the trip, missing you. But then again, life goes on right. Although I am not totally back to reality (neither are you), I will try my best to think about Atlanta, so please don't assume that I am going. =) I know your honours is really tough, but please don't get discouraged and continue to push on ok? =) Two months is really short, and I will see you in June again anw. =) Meanwhile, really spend time working on your thesis, reading your journals, data, information etc. It's not easy but just hang on there! I will support you through prayers over here and simply being here. =) Please sleep well, have a clear mind, cos that's the least you can do to do well. Everything happens in a cycle remember? =) so please don't let yourself get caught in a vicious cycle where bad thinkings cause you fall. You want to prove to yourself and others, just like any other people, hence you need to stand strong in your thinking. And may the peace of God be with you so you can sleep well, it's tough having too fast a brain eh? Can't stop one. Haha! =)

All your worries, concerns as well as plans for your family, let's keep it strong ok? Maybe sometimes they don't seem to be as 'supportive' or what, but know that deep down, they will LOVE it if we do it for them. =) So don't be shaken by their reaction, nor be discouraged. =)

Ok, we have to keep our deal ok? To repay this family by working hard, treasuring every single moment that we have, really being obedient to them, showing them care and concern like no other people can, and keeping on the strong bond together. =) =)

Take care and God bless. Looking forward to seeing you again. =) Thanks for being there.

With love,
joce

China - Day 1

I am seriously very very tired now. Yesterday was another emotional one for me. Last day of work, I thought I would be happy, but once I stepped into the office, I wasn't. I was quite sad. =( Had a nice 'farewell' lunch with Auntie Vincy, Anishia and Rebecca. Then Boni, Raymond and Amy brought me to Ben & Jerry's. =)

Ok, I'm more into today stuff. Long day.. Woke up at 3.30am cos I couldn't fall asleep and my flight was 7.15am. Tossed and turned, till I could no longer stand it when I got out of bed at 5am. Tired.

Plane ride was fun. =) Had a good good chat with Andy, Mum and Dad. Talked about many things, from his thesis, SUMO, problems, dilemmas, etc. =) Very glad that I got the chance to listen and share with people. Haha. My parents teared many times as they talked to me. =( But that's cos they love me and I know it.

Upon reaching China, everything was fine, weather was good, etc. Lunch was WEIRD. Nice place, loads of privacy, nature etc. Good food, except for the first dish where they served this weird looking jelly like thing. Supposedly very good and expensive, and since I can eat every food on earth, my dad gave me. It's like a piece of transparent jelly with some wormy- or herb- looking like thing. The more I looked at it, the more I got turned off. Then I decided not to even try, I tried to try, but just couldn't. eeeewww. gross. They treated us real nice, and when I mentioned I want to look at laptops, they brought me to the Electric City. Everything was fine, indeed good.

Dad and the rest of the uncles went to look at factory; while we were looking at electronics. Until we got a call from Dad, he got allergy reaction. And the medicine was with us. Knowing my dad, it must be real difficult on him before he would say anything, or even call urgently. We rushed down to the hotel which is at the Valley outside the city. The only thing I could do was PRAY. PRAY PRAY PRAY.

When we reached the hotel room, he was on the bed, gasping for air. He was all purple, had an oxygen tank beside him. Doctors checking on him, he was swollen. Gosh, I could only pray even more. Now I know why God made me go for this trip. Everything was chaotic, there was difficulty in explaining Clarityne and some other medicines. Gan Ma in Medan was uncontactable, in salon. everyone was having holiday! Then things start to settle down, when the medicine started working. =) But still went to hospital to do blood test and check overall. And thank God, you know what? Gan Ma talked to the doctor there and they gave him medicine. When we checked, it was exactly the same medicine he brought from Indo. Clarytine and one more. How stupid is that? Haha. Well, I think its really God's will for me to 'miss Easter' and be there.

After that we went for SPA. It's sooo cool! Cos they have pools with different aromas. From Chinese Herbs to Lemon to Coconut and Coffee, my favourite is still the rice wine pool (my mom said I'm jiu gui -alcoholic freak-) haha! I also liked the experience of fish spa where there's fish in the pool, thousands of them, and they start biting you, eating the dead callous on the skin. It was real disgusting to see thousands of fish eating you. www.riyuegu.com take a look at the hotel I'm staying in, with the spa. Real nice. =)

A long and tiring day, but I still thank God for everything. Probably tml there's a change of plan, I might be going HK and Shenzhen, do some shopping. Want anything, sms me. haha. =)

Will blog on my feelings when I'm more awake. But today, a scary thing happened. Probably I'll think about it some time soon. =))

Saturday - 31/3/07

"Don't know la, get in first then say. Never get don't even need to think or discuss", you might often hear me saying this previously. Now, you would hear me saying, "how?!" -

Saturday was eventful. Starting a Saturday at 6.30am with the excuse that I need to think about interview Q&A, I prayed. Interview was alright- it's more of a business discussion, about the issue of Starbucks opening in Forbidden City. I would say that I was relatively lucky with a topic that I sort of knew about, hence it became more like a GP class. The professor was wearing singlet, sunglasses and cap, and he was muscular. A Korean guy, the last profession I would think of would be professor. Wrote an essay on Materialism. I thank God, for everything. That it went off alright. Not that it's fantastic, but it was still a relief that it's over. One by one, His face shows, as long as we continue to keep Him close.

After that, I fed my soul with very interesting cases Uncle John and Dr.Ang have met so far. The purpose of us going was Jessica's consultation. I learnt the importance of being curious and more than that, the structure of the brain at a glance. How limbic system affects the way you feel, and then the way you think, and in turn how you feel again. So we 'ruminate' in that vicious cycle. We can stop it actually. =) Too many cases to be written here, but it was good. I felt so connected and satisfied in my soul once again. Had a nice lunch on top of that too. =)

Later that night, I checked the admission decision for Emory. Previously, Dad was showing me the recent BusinessWeek on S-1 Business Programme, and Emory was ranked 4th. Not that it matters greatly, but the word simply kept on popping out these few days. When I opened the newspaper on Sunday and looked at the SMU advert, the President of Law School used to teach in Emory. Emory again, I thought it was a school no one knows.

Dear Jocelin,
Congratulations on your acceptance to Emory College! The standardized tests, the paperwork, and the waiting are all at an end, and you have arrived at an important beginning. It gives me great pleasure to invite you to join the Emory University community as a member of our entering class. Your academic record is an impressive match for our challenging learning environment.

And it goes on....

Now is the time for me to think through it, go, or stay? I have learnt to shut out all voices around me, but retreat and isolate myself in the silence of God. For in the natural realm, it's more than obvious that I want to go. However, I really want to know God's will for me and I don't want to miss out on what He wants me to do. I dont want to be at the wrong place and the wrong time with the wrong people doing the wrong things. As long as one aspect is 'wrong', I won't want it anymore. Lord, can you guide me? Please?

2 worries: 1. Let go of everything here
2. Lead a new life there.

However, it seems as if the 2nd worry is already diminished with Mimi I-i and WeiSiong Su2 there. Is this part of God's plan too?

I don't know. And for now, I can only pray.......

After the news, I went for BBQ, had loads of fun. Is that a day or a day? :) And Joce is a happy girl, other than the fact she has to choose.

Pretty crazy babe.

This post is dedicated to my new found laming buddy, as requested. Though I have already wanted to write abt her. =)

w345 had b-wheeled & BBQ in an attempt to fellowship at a much higher level <- organised by Michelle. or rather, it's an attempt to see me fall and take photos of that, which she claimed to be the highlight of the day, due to my totally absent skill on wheels. Or maybe she was trying to change my cell group from being tai-tai to sporty. Oh well, in the end she was the one who was influenced and became a tai-tai. But it was more than a success afterall. =))

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle. In AH, I had friends who had a crush on her, especially when she was on court. haha! After I got to know her, I understood what is having a Christ-like attitude, meekness and having a heart after God's own. She struck me as one who is very determined, and the joy of the Lord overflows from her to others, that makes her soo lovable and well-liked. Thank God for her. =)

BBQ was VERY fun! With her around, of course. She was the one who suan me, tried to push me to the pool (trying can only go that far! haha), and spread the chocolate war (I started, she spread). =D 'rip your shirt' like how she ripped her chicken wings; and realised that there is blood and whining to Lengkian and Hengyi that her chicken got blood (come on, if u hear her, you'll be thinking is that tai-tai or tai-tai?) Jokes after jokes, teasing after teasing; she was also one who makes me have nothing to say, she's just so proficient in suan-ning me that I can't rebut. haha! That's what Michelle DOES.

However, to me, it's not about what she DOES, but who she really IS. And I love her. And with her around, I'm always high. (But I don't want to have the Holy Laughter when she gives altar call. >.<) I have promised her not to tease her and disturb her everytime I see her, and I won't - because I love her. =)

:(

Stepping on the new weighing machine that I bought, I got a shock. I don't know how, I gained 2kgs in a day, though I consumed only a cheese stick in the morning, a bread for lunch and a proper dinner. How?! And I have checked again and again, there's nothing wrong with the machine. Must be the shit inside me again, literally I mean shit.

Thank You

God, You spoke. Today. Again. And I thank You more than anything else for that. Like what I told Lou and Chris, one thing that I can't let go is really my relationship with You. Even if all else dies off, one thing that I won't let go, or rather, I won't let myself let go, is You.

Lord, I know I am stubborn. Somehow, I yearn and yearn and the desire doesn't get me anywhere. Probably I am way too comfy at where I am. I need to MOVE! move on, progress. come on, Joce. Argh. I thank You for speaking, but thank You even more for the promise. Promise that You will make me like Simon Peter, from one who's as unstable as lalang to a rock. And I choose to believe in it. Cos it doesn't feel good being a lalang. bleagh..

FIRST LOVE; PASSION; FIRE; HUNGER; THIRST. GOD!!!

Reading Jingxuan's blog on nostalgia. People leaving. Yesh, what she said was true. Too many people left; too many restructuring; too many changes; tooo many..... That brought me to thinking, people move on. From one level to another, Jingxuan from UM ministry which she held so dear to CG ministry; Hil in US who is studying sooo hard; Pris in China who starts to miss a strong local church; and many many more. I guess this is simply part of life. For me, I have to move on too, can't be so childish and immature.

I am still, longing for myself to shine so brightly for You. And I chose to stand on the promise You made, on the vision You gave. The assurances You give again and again, the faith and peace, and most of all, the burden You placed in me hurts. Oh, how I long for it to come to pass, but like what You said, I need to make room, and let go. Let go, not of other things, but letting go of myself. I cry. Cry at the thought that You have so much in store for me, and You're there, looking, waiting for me to come. But somehow, I am still like a rubber band, stretching towards and away.

It has been with me for sooo long. And now I am starting to detest it. Sometimes I detest myself - but then again, I know You love me for who I am. As much as I tell people to love himself, I am learning too. Still praying that the spirit of self condemnation can get out. Rawr. Can't stand it..

Oh well, come to think of it, God, thank You for Your love. I am still praying, still trying, to throw everything away and follow You, even giving myself unto You. Time, effort, will, thoughts, words, EVERYTHING. simply for You. And thank You for always being there.

let the music in your heart sound.

To Jac.

Thanks! Haha.

Well, how picky can we get, especially when it comes to cars? Come on, thank God I'll know how to drive soon. See who can beat us! Muahaha!! *top secret* =)

<3

Just...

Things have never been better. Everything seems to be going on well, my work, relationship with friends, family, etc. Just ONE thing lacking. My discipline. Lacking of discipline to do what I am supposed to do; which is the most important thing in my life right now. And sometimes I do hate myself for that. It is so sickening to come to God every single time wanting to repent and when things go on, things go on. ok, I'm not making sense. Haha. Aiya, just me la. Everything lies with me and my laziness.

I feel the excitement in the spiritual realm. With Emerge 2007, Benny Hinn, Missions all coming together. Spiritual warfare too. Lord, I really need to pick myself up.

Joce, go. God has always been there, and will always be there. Everything lies with you now.

Education wise, overseas or stay? seriously, I prefer going overseas, for the exposure and experience. But then again, what do You want me to do? Cos I really don't want to miss out on anything that You have called me to do. So what if I get into the best university if it is not Your plan for me? Frankly speaking, I feel so good whenever I meet God here in church. Argh, direction Lord, direction.

And again, it lies with me. JOCE!!!

A Level Results!

The long awaited A Level results are finally out! 'Can you check your particulars? Cos you got 4 distinctions or more, so they might send you invitation for prize giving.' my heart jumped; my limbs stopped shivering; i stopped breathing. Praise God!!

Thinking back, it was really by God's grace. Last year studying period wasn't fantastic at all, moodswings up and down; emotions; self-esteem; motivation. I thank God for simply being there, for darlings to be around me, giving me a surprise one day before exam - Sophie, Steph, Yunxi, Sam, Nianying, Susan; for angels to study with me who always push me on when it gets sooo dry- Tiff, Dora, Sean, Ming, Huixuan, Jiayin; for family who are always there to accomodate; and simply, Father in Heaven for sending all these people and lifting up my troubles everytime I come to Him.

Thank God, and thank you all for all the concern, prayers, encouragement and love. Especially to all the uncles and aunties out there, real touched that you guys cared so much. LOVE.

Now that everything is over, I just pray that God continue to guide me in His ways, that I will know what I should do next. stay? or go? if go, go where? if stay, stay where? Lord, I can't do this without You because I don't wanna run from the path You've prepared for me. Lifting myself up to You......

God is good.

Chinese New Year 07

Yeah, thank God for another wonderfully enjoyable Chinese New Year. My family, me and my dearest extended family. Again, it was good. Laughing, chatting, crapping, EATING. GOSH, yeah, we ate a lot. I gained 2kgs in 2 days. great. But then again, this year, I felt a tinge of sadness. Nowadays, every single time we gather, I feel something weird. A feeling I am so unfamiliar with I want to cry. I think it's the fear of losing whatever I have now. A great family, who is more than just there but one in which every single member truly cares for. sheesh, I start to wonder, how long more are we going to stay like that? before each of us get so caught up with our own lives. School, work, friends, girlfriend/boyfriend etc. Things will never be the same again. 3 years? 5? or 10?

Even now, you can already see the groups. The young adults - jac, andy, me, vince; the in-betweens - kiki, titi, anton, clifton, sharon; the growing up kids - osbert, chris, ford, josephine; those still caught in a world of their own - jessica, joanne and probably caleb. The guys turning my computer room into a LAN gaming centre, with 5 laptops all at one go, playing CS or Dota. Some of us watching movies away, singing karaoke, etc. How long will all these last? =( Everyone seem to be more decisive about what they want and not, and arranging them alone is already so difficult. But i guess this is the process of growing up isn't it? Topics change every year. I am afraid, of losing the common interest that we have simply because we are all growing up. Am I afraid of growing up? I guess YES.

Even for myself, how long more can I last being who I am, caring and loving people around me to an extent I myself am afraid of? i don't know. How long more before I start working, having my family, that I no longer have the same amount of time and energy for this wonderful family? I don't know, I really don't.

Now there are 27 of us. When we all settle down one by one, will this still be possible?

Time flies, life goes on. Yes, I know. And I am thankful for it. Memories last. Thank God for a wonderful Chinese New Year.

Thanks all, for the great time, company, support, advice, love, and simply, just being a part of my family.

Sophie's leaving!!

Yeah, SOPHIE'S leaving! Sad! I really love her a lot a lot and can't imagine the cell group without her. Yes, things will definitely change, but oh well what can I do but pray? She's really one person whom inspire me so much with just the aura she brings around her. That simple innocence yet mature feeling, bubbly and joyful yet wise; busy yet approachable; there's just something about her that draws people to her. and she's the only one who knows my EVERYTHING. sobz. But then again, she's really leaving and I will eventually let go; just that it's such a pity. Hao she bu de. The best I can do is to comtinue to keep her in prayer and that time will pass so quickly that she'll be back again rite. sophie sophie sophie.

This week has been great. Work is more than wonderful! It's so fun; with not only my mental being challenged but also my spirit and emotional being. And Auntie Vincy is more than inspiration. She asked, what makes people not pray, read the Word etc though they know that they should and God is good? Of course, first word that came was lazy, and taking it for granted. More than that, she said gratitude. It's like when you first knew God you thank Him so much, love Him so much. After that, you take Him for granted. For example, you pray for a baby and when you get it, you love the baby so much you forgot about God. Is it right? Yeah, prayer is power too. In everything you do, you can pray, even in the business sector. Auntie Vincy really taught me that other than the professional side of a job, there is also the spiritual realm and she really let me see how she can shine in the marketplace, simply because of her attitude and dependence on God. AMAZING.

Today we had singles' party; a lot of fun. Actually it's not really a singles' party, just sophie's farewell. =( it went on well, many people cried. But no one beats how cute pris is! haha. Pris, no worries, I love you. =) then Pauline was also very sad. Haiz. Video, especially the message from Zhenyi, seems so far, and Zhenyi, too, left. So it's super super sad. Soph, why must you leave? But i guess it's harder for you than for any of us too. COme to think of it, what will I feel if I go to US to study later in the year? Will I go? Can You guide my path?

Work has get me back to the routine of life. Not those in front of the computer, waiting and waiting, for no reason. Not those walking around the house aimlessly. However, it has also robbed me of my time for myself. Piano especially; and other activities. Still, for whatever amount I'm learning there, I would rather give everything I have and stay in office even if it means just surfing the net to read up some stuff. At least there's the discipline going. =)

I love people fervently, LOVE IS IN THE AIR! Woo~~

a few days.

things have been quite bad these 2 days. argh, no, just that i got very bad PMS and everyday i dont sleep properly, can't sleep. so it's bad, make PMS even more. rawr.

what's the point of gaining everything if you lose your own soul?

my face is peeling, and it's burning, thanks to Retin-A. Mom say i put too much. haha. remember last time i dont even apply the medicine after i go to the doctor, and now i'm putting too much. see how different I am? =)

2 days ago the share broker came and explained everything to me. luckily he's a nice guy, always teaching, if not i would have felt even stupid-er. who ask me to not know anything about it? hah. must learn from scratch. hey joce, thank God that you got the chance to play! =) auntie vincy has been very very nice about the internship too, way too nice already.

met dear dora yesterday. =)=)=)

after that had voice. man, how can Peter be SO good? argh, i just can't express myself, and what's singing without expression? i admit i was super conscious over myself and was very nervous. haha. another side of me, i dont have confidence. =( it can be scary why i am so scared. stupid right? yeah. and chinese songs are all about loving but not being able to have it -- broken-hearted -- yeah, i dont know how it feel. haha. and i dont want to try. i shall just try singing it out anyway, but not experiencing it. =)=) all the vocal expressions, the moaning sound, airy sound etc. argh!!! i just don't get it. but it's ok, he asked me to explore at home. haha. but it was a good come-back after 1/2 year anw. =)=)

talked to lou at night, and as usual, conversation can't get shorter than 1 hour, but yesterday we crossed the line of 2 hours! crazy, that's the result of missing out too much info from about aug? haha. but still, love ya loads dear. =)

Lord, why can't everything be stable? i know i am at a much greater advantage than many people in terms of conditions and surroundings, but at least i see them trying and i am not. and i am sick and tired of myself 'repenting' everytime. it just make me disgust myself even more. i have to love myself. i have to love myself. i have to love myself.

Fires of Revival

I realised I'm into blogging nowadays, which is good. =)=) maybe cos i got nth to do. haha.

Prayer meeting was more than fantastic yeasterday. Super-dee-duper refreshing in my spirit. Finally, after such a long time, that I felt His presence once more. I don't know if the holidays and being so comfortable has made my heart grown cold and that a wall is built, that as much as I want to touch Him again previously, it seems so hard. but anyway, eveyrthing was sorted out yesterday. A touch changes.. A touch from heaven melts away the ice, and breaks the walls down. yipee~ =)=) isn't it wonderful, that life with Christ gets better and better each day and here I am now, standing in front of 2007, ready to face it. Everything has been good. Quiet time, Spiritual life, and yesh! Relationship!! =)=) Ever so important -- with myself, with God and people around me. And I realise mostly that when relationship with God is good, it will be reflected in many other areas of life, especially relationship with people. Finally took a step and talked to dear dora. wah, miss her loads. haha. a few more in line. yes, i need to get it going.

a song hit me hard yesterday.

FIRES OF REVIVAL
I CAME TO THE GATHERING OF THE PEOPLE OF THE LORD
AND FOUND MY WAY AMONG THEM TO HIS THRONE
I NEEDED TO RETURN UNTO THE ALTAR OF MY GOD
TO RENEW AGAIN MY CONVENANT WITH HIM

AND THERE I BUILD AN ALTAR TO HIS NAME
AND REALIZED MY LIFE
COULD NEVER BE THE SAME
AND THEN THE FIRE OF REVIVAL
CAME SWEEPING THROUGH MY SOUL
AND I TOUCHED THE HOLY PRESENCE OF MY GOD

COME BUILD AN ALTAR UNTO THE LORD
RETURN TO WORSHIP AND HEAR HIS WORD
AND THEN THE FIRE OF REVIVAL
CAME SWEEPING THROUGH MY SOUL
AND I TOUCHED THE HOLY PRESENCE OF MY GOD

nganggur

sian. everyday is just the same, nothing much to do. waking up so late, sleeping late too. And I seem to complain that there's nothing to do while the things i'm supposed to do are not done. Joce, you weren't this slack last time. boo~ and when work starts i got even less time for myself. which is bad.

Listening to Colors of the wind over and over again because of vocal lesson on Fri. Scared kena scold by Peter. haha.

Relationships have never been worse. Other than the church people, I seem to be an anti-social being. Feeling especially bad to my Hwa Chong dearies. bleagh. But i know if it drags on longer it'll be even worse. I care, I feel bad but I feel so bad about being not contacting them that I am afraid to break it. What if they're angry with me? argh. help.

Searching where I dropped myself. Pick it up. =)=)

2007..

2007. a new year with new hope. Lord, my prayer for this new year is that I can get to know you better. i know this requires more than just patience in waiting for your presence, it also needs discipline, desire and i have to be careful of Distractions. So I simply lift myself up into Your hands, I thank you for being so evident in my life, but that's not enough. i know there can be something mroe to it. In this new year, please teach me how to yield myself more unto You, that I will and can seek FIRST the Kingdom of God, cos I know everything else will then fall into path. I don't want to waste my time Lord, for I know that time is short and that it also represents my life, so while I still can, I want to catch on to the dream, the opportunity and make the best out of it.

2007 has been fine for me, I guess. Nothing much to do, slacking around with DVDs, computer games, gameboy, playstation etc. rawr. this is so cannot. joce, you need to do something more worthwhile! yes i do have to. go read your bible!

i really thank God for the chance to have a good talk with Kiki last sunday. and I so love the people God has put into my life. =)

BAck!!

ok, havent been blogging since As finishes, cos i left on the last day and you know it, during hols you dont really sit down and do sth. =) activities after activities. heh.

First, HAPPY NEW YEAR! In this new year, there must be new hopes, new beginnings, new motivation, new grace and anointing. I mean 2006 was great but there are many not that good memories too, so all those stuff shall not pull me down. =) God, in this new year I pray that I will really grow in You, get more and more serious and have breakthrough in the area of my spirituality and wisdom, I admit that I need a lot of guidance and Lord may those guidance be from you and you only. In Jesus name, Amen.

Holiday was great!! Spent 4 weeks in Indo, a few highlights are Hillsong COncert in Jakarta, SUbmarine ride in Bali, SHopping in Bandung. Had great great fun, with my dear family.

After that was like to US n Canada. It's a diff type of holiday because it's really packed with activities and going with 30 ppl is no ease. and knowing me, even if I dont agree with sth I'll just go with them simply bcos they're elders. rahr. and that sometimes hurt. heh. anyway, Whistler was more than fantastic. It was like heavens!! The snow was like powder and my ski instructor was a super enthusiastic girl that she brought us up to top of the mountain and told us to ski all the way down. woo~~ started with a crash with Andy and it was so funny. like he couldnt really control, but thank God the snow was really soft. other than being cold and the getting up, it wasnt that bad. and we took about 2 hours skiing all the way down. super tired, cold and still having jet lag so first day skiing was bad, but very memorable. haha. next 2 days was great, really. =)=) love whistler, love skiing, love the snow. snowmobile was a good experience too. snowball fights, making snowman are just a few things we did. many stupid things happened too! hah. like we bought one whole trolley, those in hotels for luggage, of food from the supermarket! hah. FUN.

LAS VEGAS. Good shows. Good hotel. Everything free. haha. went to watch mamma mia, david copperfield, kelly chen with vaness as guest. very good. all so worth it. =) hotel was good, went to red canyon. beautiful rocks, fun people. met uncle weisiong and family too. =) i realised that it is truly with my family that I dont feel pressurised, and so much at ease. Really thank God for them. =)

LOS ANGELES. Disneyland hotel was a bit old, but when you're with the right people, it doesnt matter. =) made a drama for pek2 n pekmu 25th anniversary and it went on well. really put in a lot of effort into it so it was all worth it. =) disneyland was fun, but the same everywhere. what's more fun is the cutting queue! haha. oops. yes we do that all the time. haha. even in toilet queues. haha. pin trading craze, posing for camera in rollercoasters etc. goodness, how crazy can we get?? =)

Yeah with every holiday, we have to go back to our own lives, that's why it's called HOLIDAY. I miss my family loads. But hey Joce, they have to go back to school, work etc, unlike you. So let them go alright? and now I want to go Australia, who would go with me?

11 days more to go, HELP!

11 more days to go and I sort of feel that i'm not prepared. it's as if the more i do, the more muddle-headed i get. like dont know what i am doing. but still, I refuse to confess negatively no matter what.

and yes, LORD, PLEASE HELP ME! ok, I realised that it's not about whether He'll work in me but whether i'll let Him work in me. So please HELP me!!! I can't go on like this. Thank GOd for God really. haha. Cell group was super good, when once again I could feel the presence of God overwhelming my entire heart, that I can be here writing about it now. if not I wouldn't even be bothered to do anything. It's really not a mistake that I went for cell group then. =)

been doing loads of university applications and CV. I need refreshing in my Spirit, and Lord, only that you can do. =) So Lord, I pray that you'll be the one pushing me on because this is tough, very tough and I almost cannot go on well anymore, if You dont come in and help. So today I declare that I'm totally open to YOur works that anything You want to do in me, through me and with me I'll totally let You, that I can be totally open and vulnerable to YOu. I give you all that I am in exchange for all that YOu are. I know i have my weaknesses, but only YOU shine in them. So Lord, I simply pray that You'll push me on. that i'm going to give my best shot during this last lap. Lord, I also just lift up my friends into YOur Hands, as I am dried up, I believe most of them are, also because it's just so natural to be tired. but Lord, I pray You'll take away any fatigue in them and refresh them in the mind Lord, that they'll know that some being higher up there is working with them. and Lord, please help them along as well because i know for sure you love them no matter what. amen.

YOu guys taking A's there, I know it's tough, very tough. but then again, just walk on because we have to. and not for that only, if not it seems so unwilling and reluctant. ok, walk on because we want to not just walk but to walk on WELL. take care and GOd bless dears. love ya.

29 more days to go.

ask me why I am so moody. I hope it is PMS and not me. been super serious past few days, or maybe it is the exams that caused me to be like that. I hope it doesn't last long, really. I seem to lose all the joy and 'talk-non-stop' me but 'ok, study, joce study'. who asks me to be so ill-disciplined in my studying that even I am frustrated with my pace and attitude of studying. God, I need discipline!!

Prelims hasn't been too good. Fancy getting DEAD. Should I take it just like that? I hope it doesn't come to pass anyways. I know that words matters life and death, but I hope not this time.

Ok, buck up Joce. buck up. STUDY!! 29 more days to go....

post- prelim

a bit outdated but oh wells, better than never.
the reality of exams ending seem like a dream come true that i feel weird. it's weird that it's over, that i can see myself appearing in theresia's birthday party. hah. but it's not the quantity of time spent not studying but the quality of time. went to do so many things after that, like

baking with 3 wonderful darlings MING, TIFF, LINX! it was fun! haha. created many sinful temptations: 1) Hersheys' best brownies a lil' too chocolate-y
2) Chewy Peanut butter Kisses stupid me forgot to turn on
the oven & poor linx had to eat dough (yeah chewy dough)
which caused diaorrhea
3) Apricot Oatmeal Biscuits my favourite being not too
sweet.
But then again, it's not about the food but about the heart to heart connection we had after we finished baking. really drew so close to tiff when i totally understand how she feels about growing up. much like me huh.

Thursday was wonderful!! ADORA! =) really talked non-stop. first coffee bean and then pasta cafe and it seems as if we just dont get tired of talking, especially when it's about spiritual things. everything just seems to be wonderful in Him and simply love you more after the sharing. =) After that was Bible Study, yeah and wonderful mich pay told pastor the wrong chapter and we all had to prepare an offering message to preach. ok, but i learnt a lot a lot so no complains, simply thank God for the chance and yes, MICH PAY!

Was already so tired of going out. What more school on tuesday, and GP!! but monday was still good. went to joy's chalet and really missed wate a lot so it was good. praise God. =)=)

Everything is good. Praise the Lord but results have only shown that it's no longer time to play. I have to buck up buck up buck up. actually I don't know what's wrong, I seem to know my stuff but can't do well for exams. WHY? is it that i over-study that eveyrhting becomes muddle-headed and i'm no longer clear? it seems as if I can't think and evaluate anymore. =( WHO CAN TELL?

Thank God for encouragements that is at least different, telling me that now is the critical period and it makes heaven loads of difference about what I do now. ok, so for now i'm going to study even harder. and thank GOd or friends to encourage cos I realised it's even better listening to my own words than others. when i encourage, i'm surprised at my words and will be encouraged too. anyway if i genuinely want my friends to be encouraged at my words, i have to be convinced by it and put it into action too. joce, remember, you can be disappointed for prelims but dont even be discouraged. the most important is that you can say, no regrets, even after results come out; rather than "I should have done this, done that...."

"Lord, I life up all my results into Your Hands, I wont deny that I am thankful for some, disappointed with the others, but still no matter what I will lift them up to YOu, for You are the only one who can deal in me and make me do things heartily. So for the next two months or so, it'll just be in my prayers that I can continue to press in and walk to strongly in You, that when i sidetrack You put me back on track and that when I find no motivation, You motivate me. Lord I pray that this exams I am going to shine for You like never before, that I can study in the Spirit and be so Spirit oriented in everything, because YOu are the CREATOR of all knowledge, of heaven and earth and though no one knows what questions are coming out, YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF A LEVELS and You will simply guide me into it. I also pray for all my friends around me who are going through the same thing, that YOu be the guide and comforter, from those who know you to those who don't, i thank You that YOu love every single one of them. I pray You'll hold their hands and keep them on: Lou, Bel, Sarah, Bev, Qi, Dixon, Sharon, Pris, Adora, Linx, Shao, Ben, Edmund, Mingtse, Tiffy, Sean, Huixuan, Jiayin, Pam, Kaiqian, Charlene, Jielong, Shiru, Chelly, Xuanyi....." In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

I'm going to lift it all up to Him, yes, only HIm. even if I dont know how and seem to not be able to do so, I will force myself to do so. Please guide me.

FINALLY!

Prelims is finally finally over. phew. i can't imagine one month has just zoomed by. and if this 1 month is so fast, the next 1 month will too. prelims, oh well, when is internal exam easy but i have decided to pray my way through, like what i've always done.

Lord, I know that everything now is in Your hands as I let you hold it up. I simply pray that I can shine for You this time again, the last internal exam in HwaChong. Lord, I know with this faith and Your grace, ALL is in Your Hands. I thank You before hand. Amen.