lovin' everything

well, you may think that i'm mad that i can be so low and get so high suddenly!! haha. yeah, I am high! loving my life so much! everything has been going on quite well. because yea yea, i finally opened up to sophie and it felt GOOD! haha. felt so good. everything is also working out very well! i guess last time is because i think too much that i am so upset over my whole life. but now, i'm refreshed once again, renewed, with the presence of God back into my life. i Just feel so so excited for Him! yeah man! WooHoo~
hahaha... my piano exam is in 1 week's time! i'm not very ready but i have practised much more in this week than the past 1 year! haha. not that i pactise a lot, just that i do not practise at all last time. hahah. yeah yeah, so it's also getting better. i'm just worried whether i'll be too nervous on that day itself. well, for this i guess no one except God knows the answer. I really need to get His strength and peace down into my life orh~! hehe. if not i'll have mind block and break down there. haha. well, but praise GOd, He has brought me this far! yay! and He loves me, and you too, for who we are and not what we do. hehe.He's always there for us. it's just a matter whether we go and reach out to Him and ask for His help. well, He loves everyone-- even the non-Christians so if you guys got any problems that you cant solve, just pray to JEsus and be prepared to see miracles. well, of course you have to believe that He can help. anyway no harm trying right. =P
yeah man, life does rock! and off i go to prepare for VC concert and mug for promos! I want to get at least a C5 for GP! and pass bio! woo~~ studying for God.

hate this.

man, i really really hate this fake life. just trying to make everything seem alright when that thing is not alright. well, though i know that when that thing's not right, everything wont be. but argh, why? i want to make it right, have been wanting for so long, but i never get down to getting it right. argh, God, why is it like that? i really don want to lead this life with dry spiritual routines and duty but i want to do this because i love You. God, can I? arh! Devil! stop procrastinating in me! well, finally i sort of started doing it in my room just now, felt so super bad to Him. but yea, i wont deny that it's always because of my laziness. i know i dont need to be fake in front of Him, cos He's my big daddy up there right. feel so fake. been so fake. when can i end this fake life? i know the answer-- but how am I going to do it? God, i want to, you know that, but am i willing to? i want to, but will i do it? argh!!! i cant discipline myself! argh!! God, You really got to work in me for this, and help me!!

piano exam is coming. it dawned on me today when i was talking to mingtse about it. it's 2 weeks away!! ok, though it's only grade 5, but i only started piano like 4 yrs ago and i stopped for 2 1/2 years. and last yr when i started again was like O level so didnt do anything much. and i was so lazy. never practise at all. once again due to bad self discipline. VERY BAD! ok, today i felt so bad that i went home and practised for 1 1/2 hours, but is it too late? i know that even if it's too late, it's better than not practising, but still, God, i want to pass this exam. looking at my standard now, i'll fail for sure- my fingers are super not stable. GOd, how? You must help to keep me focus and be able to concentrate in everything that I do.


-------ONLY FOR THE LORD----------
Dear Lord Jesus, I thank You so much for giving me this precious life that I should never waste every single day. Lord, I just pray that your presence will be so vivid in my life, that i cant live one day without your presence. lord, i just pray that you'll be able to help me fulfil this burden in my heart, to find back the first love. lord, i really really want to do that, and i want to stop this dry religious duty and routine and want to get back to when i first start loving you, worshipping you and serving you just for the sake of you only, cos i love you. lord, i pray that i will have a breakthrough in my spiritual life. lord, i know that you know what i'm thinking and i believe that lord, you'll help me along. lord, i pray that that you'll just pour your mercy and grace upon me so that i can continue this life to be a blessing to the people around me, and i pray you'll give me the unconditional love so that i can love the people around me, for i know that you love them. lord, i pray that you'll help me to remain focus and be able to concentrate in everything i do so that i can get back on the right track with you again. lord, i want to lead this life as a worship to you. i want to just lie flat on the ground, humble myself down and kiss your feet. i give you all i am in exchange of all of you. can you pls kindly tell me what you want me to do for you that can please you? i really want to stop living this kind of life and i know that you know how horrible and bad i'm feeling right now. lord, this life is really yours to use and work through. lord, i thank you for listening to my prayers and i believe that i am going to be changed after today. thank you lord. in jesus mighty name i pray, amen.
---------END---------------------------------



I GIVE

Come and fill me Holy Spirit
I seek the warmth of Your embrace
Lord I'm longing for Your presence
Just one touch of Your grace
I'll keep on waiting, waiting on You

All my life I've searched for heaven
My heart it longs for so much more
A love so true, now I've found it in You
I'll keep on waiting, waiting on You

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice I place at Your feet
I offer to You
For only You can satisfy my longing
Jesus You're all I desire

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice I place at Your feet
More than what this world offers
You are my only treasure
My world means nothing without You

www.cross.com.sg

nuttin'__

the past few days is just amazing. went to FOP 1 on friday. haha. well, it was such a hot day and i can seriously feel sweat trickling down my legs. haha. but it was all worth it! i was actually wuite pissed off by the usher cos nian ying as obviously queueing with us and i saw the usher looking at her go out and yet when she wanted to get back into the queue, he said that she must give her name to the usher. like hello?? Your fellow ushers look at her go out! then i told him and he said, 'i'm sure my friend there will take down her name', i was like urh. feel like boxing him if i weren't wearing my uniform, cos it'll reflect really bad on you huh? haha. but who cares, they still got in and sat on the floor seats. haha. the session was very good. the presence of God was vry strong, though it's not that kind that makes you cry, but you still can feel it. it's like this very peaceful and nice feeling on the inside. and colin dye was very good also, he was saying that we have the apostolic faith inside us to connect with God in the Spirit, isn't it true? =D darlene is very good, delirious is also very good. haha. we just had fun praise and worship- just that i don't really know delirious' songs.

went to indo the next day and i was so tired. haha. nothing much to do, just eat. so yea. haha. then the next day went to KPN's 26th anniversary at the park. at first it's a big walkathon first at 6.30am. then the final destination is the park. it was so so boring until it's time for the directors to compete in cooking. haha. apparently, guzhang won la. he was so zai in frying the rice and gugu, obviously, is very particular about decorating it so hers is super nice but took the longest to form. anyway, it's still funny that dad won second. he only won in clealiness la. haha. weird, but fun overall. then went home to watch CHC's 16th anniversary through the internet. argh, they look like they're having so much fun and blessing! arh, i also want to go. and i feel that the message is so so good, arh, i wanna bring my frens. hate this feeling. argh..

CROSS is finally out! and stupid me only realised that 'live' worship album is not worship only. ahaha. it was good! when i listened, i got goosebumps on my hands! it was quite good that you hear a CD where you know all the songs and it's anticipated for such a long time. =P

yepx, came back today. hey peeps, how was the national day concert in school? how did we do? can someone kindly tell me? dying to know..

there are 4 ways to which a person assume of being loved:
- material gifts (e.g. money, presents, things that you want/like)
- Kisses, hugs (through touch)
- serving (helping you in different ways for different things)
- just spending time talking, sharing with each other.

which way do you assume of expression of love? =P

bdae party

so sorry peeps that i promised to come back and update on what happened that night, but i didnt. cos i was way too tired. yepx, so here i am! actually wanted to put the photos we took but since i'm still to lazy to upload it, maybe next time.

cell that day was fun, and the sermon was very good. during cell, andy came and i was actually wondering whether i should go out and say hi to him, but still, i didnt cos i thought that even after cell, he'll still be there. but he left already! and i felt so so bad when lala told me that he came to singapore to buy our present, so sweet of him right? hmm, thanks ya ddyy.. =P really appreciate it loads, your classic pooh. haha.. still feeling bad for him, that he came to singapore without anything done! man, what a lousy cousin i am. ok, i'll try to compensate the next time i see you? haha..

after cell we waited for the others to come, like those from jac's cell and some others like boonkiat, michelle, sally, pastor, etc. well, although only sally turned up, it's still very fun! haha. while waiting, we took a lot a lot of photos and talked. haha. finally after waiting for about 1 hour, they came. so we just had bbq and talked. then ahso and koko came so i was talking to them also. haha. basically i just talked? and while the rest eat, i only got to eat a sausage and a bite of chicken chop. not that they bully me, but i talk too much. haha.

oh ya, i got a 3+3 kg cake! at first i only got a 3 kg cake from awfully chocolate and in the car, josephine sat on it!! I was so so so angry that i screamed at her, and the only thing i wanted to do is to get the original cake, not the one with smudged cream, though she didnt spoil the cake. quite ridiculous of me right? ok, my dad bought for me another 3 kg cake from hagen dazs and i felt super bad cos really la, it wasnt spoilt. oh no. haha. but it's ok! we've finished it anw.

zhenyi, krys and tiff came and i was like trying to spy on them to see whether they brought a can of whipped cream of sth. haha, blame it on my purchase on that can of whipped cream on krystle's bday. haha. but well, they didnt!! woohoo~~ but they made this strawberry trifle that tastes not bad but looks bad. and the hygiene cant make it also. they were saying that at first they arranged the straawberry according to my name already, then when they pour the jelly down, the strawberried started to float so you know what? they used their hands to keep the strawberries down! man, how clean is that! haha.. so we ended up with 3 cakes. not all mine la, share it with jac.

oh, and jac blew 12 of my candles! so i ended up blowing 5 candles! haha. then she'll be 30 years old and i'm 5! yay!! ahaha..

then after that mum called from north carolina and i was tlaking to her that i suddenly got so high. i ran straight to the cake, scrape the cream, and put it on zhenyi's face. haha. she was talking to her member on the phone so could not retaliate. haha. it was so funny. ai, then pauline put on my face! and she was like not excited or what, she just came, put on my face, stood at one side and continued eating her cake. hmm, but i'll never smear cream on her face anyway. haha. ok, then i got naughty and put on krystle's face. argh!! a mistake. then the cream war started and everyone has cream on their hands, ready to smear it on someone else's skin. haha.

when everything was over, i found krystle at the dining room and she was telling me about some photo she took of jac, made me promise a hundred times not to tell jac. to think that i trusted her so much. haha.. then she started showing me all the photos she taken when she took out her cast and within a moment, i was in the pool!! krystle liew!! you're gonna get it from me and jac once you take out your cast!! hmmph!!

ok, she asked me to hide cos she's gonna do the same thing to jac. so i was walking to the toilet behind and lo and behold, i saw zhenyi coming out!! haha. so i targeted her to be my next victim and with jac's help, she too landed in the pool. ok, zhenyi, i do agree that you are the most wu gu, getting facial cream and wet. ahha. but didnt you ahve a lot of fun too?and if you're not wet, your dad wont allow you to stay over right? ahha. or maybe he will. hmm, but that's an experience, isnt it? nvm, we still got lala's bdae!! ahaha.. *evil laugh*

ok, so when everything ended, i was super tired. haha. but isnt it a memorable birthday? when you are around people with the common love and goal-- the love of God that comes and change lives? haha. thanks peeps, for everything! love you guys! and of cos also to those who wished me happy birthday, appreciate it a lot! MEL, it's ok that you sms me only in the evening, at least you remembered!! love you derling.. =P

choir this week has been fun. we just tried to dance, sing and be high for the national day concert. but it's really very high. at least that's what i think, that it made me sad that i cant go. but peeps, i'll give you my support and i hope i've helped you all enough in this first J1 project. love ya guys loads. everything has been just fine for me! that i think i'm going CRAZY! haha..

bible study today was very very good. it's about evangelism, the benefits, costs, ways and eveyrthing about it. and it's been so long since we last had one. so it's not surprising that we had it for 3 hours? ahha.. somewhere there. yep yep, before i go on and become hyper and mad, i better go off le!!

GOd rocks! He's always there when you need Him, when you THINK you dont, and even when things are not right. He's just there, it's up to you to see and feel His presence. Life rcks, treasure it, my dear. I wanna go FOP tml!!! yay~!! bev, lou, qi, joy all going! then we can come together again, just like how we used to! yay! miss you guys loads and we're gonna have such a great time worshipping and praising the Lord!! Lord, do let your presence flow down and touch the empty hearts! I LOVE YOU!! =D