:(

Stepping on the new weighing machine that I bought, I got a shock. I don't know how, I gained 2kgs in a day, though I consumed only a cheese stick in the morning, a bread for lunch and a proper dinner. How?! And I have checked again and again, there's nothing wrong with the machine. Must be the shit inside me again, literally I mean shit.

Thank You

God, You spoke. Today. Again. And I thank You more than anything else for that. Like what I told Lou and Chris, one thing that I can't let go is really my relationship with You. Even if all else dies off, one thing that I won't let go, or rather, I won't let myself let go, is You.

Lord, I know I am stubborn. Somehow, I yearn and yearn and the desire doesn't get me anywhere. Probably I am way too comfy at where I am. I need to MOVE! move on, progress. come on, Joce. Argh. I thank You for speaking, but thank You even more for the promise. Promise that You will make me like Simon Peter, from one who's as unstable as lalang to a rock. And I choose to believe in it. Cos it doesn't feel good being a lalang. bleagh..

FIRST LOVE; PASSION; FIRE; HUNGER; THIRST. GOD!!!

Reading Jingxuan's blog on nostalgia. People leaving. Yesh, what she said was true. Too many people left; too many restructuring; too many changes; tooo many..... That brought me to thinking, people move on. From one level to another, Jingxuan from UM ministry which she held so dear to CG ministry; Hil in US who is studying sooo hard; Pris in China who starts to miss a strong local church; and many many more. I guess this is simply part of life. For me, I have to move on too, can't be so childish and immature.

I am still, longing for myself to shine so brightly for You. And I chose to stand on the promise You made, on the vision You gave. The assurances You give again and again, the faith and peace, and most of all, the burden You placed in me hurts. Oh, how I long for it to come to pass, but like what You said, I need to make room, and let go. Let go, not of other things, but letting go of myself. I cry. Cry at the thought that You have so much in store for me, and You're there, looking, waiting for me to come. But somehow, I am still like a rubber band, stretching towards and away.

It has been with me for sooo long. And now I am starting to detest it. Sometimes I detest myself - but then again, I know You love me for who I am. As much as I tell people to love himself, I am learning too. Still praying that the spirit of self condemnation can get out. Rawr. Can't stand it..

Oh well, come to think of it, God, thank You for Your love. I am still praying, still trying, to throw everything away and follow You, even giving myself unto You. Time, effort, will, thoughts, words, EVERYTHING. simply for You. And thank You for always being there.

let the music in your heart sound.

To Jac.

Thanks! Haha.

Well, how picky can we get, especially when it comes to cars? Come on, thank God I'll know how to drive soon. See who can beat us! Muahaha!! *top secret* =)

<3

Just...

Things have never been better. Everything seems to be going on well, my work, relationship with friends, family, etc. Just ONE thing lacking. My discipline. Lacking of discipline to do what I am supposed to do; which is the most important thing in my life right now. And sometimes I do hate myself for that. It is so sickening to come to God every single time wanting to repent and when things go on, things go on. ok, I'm not making sense. Haha. Aiya, just me la. Everything lies with me and my laziness.

I feel the excitement in the spiritual realm. With Emerge 2007, Benny Hinn, Missions all coming together. Spiritual warfare too. Lord, I really need to pick myself up.

Joce, go. God has always been there, and will always be there. Everything lies with you now.

Education wise, overseas or stay? seriously, I prefer going overseas, for the exposure and experience. But then again, what do You want me to do? Cos I really don't want to miss out on anything that You have called me to do. So what if I get into the best university if it is not Your plan for me? Frankly speaking, I feel so good whenever I meet God here in church. Argh, direction Lord, direction.

And again, it lies with me. JOCE!!!

A Level Results!

The long awaited A Level results are finally out! 'Can you check your particulars? Cos you got 4 distinctions or more, so they might send you invitation for prize giving.' my heart jumped; my limbs stopped shivering; i stopped breathing. Praise God!!

Thinking back, it was really by God's grace. Last year studying period wasn't fantastic at all, moodswings up and down; emotions; self-esteem; motivation. I thank God for simply being there, for darlings to be around me, giving me a surprise one day before exam - Sophie, Steph, Yunxi, Sam, Nianying, Susan; for angels to study with me who always push me on when it gets sooo dry- Tiff, Dora, Sean, Ming, Huixuan, Jiayin; for family who are always there to accomodate; and simply, Father in Heaven for sending all these people and lifting up my troubles everytime I come to Him.

Thank God, and thank you all for all the concern, prayers, encouragement and love. Especially to all the uncles and aunties out there, real touched that you guys cared so much. LOVE.

Now that everything is over, I just pray that God continue to guide me in His ways, that I will know what I should do next. stay? or go? if go, go where? if stay, stay where? Lord, I can't do this without You because I don't wanna run from the path You've prepared for me. Lifting myself up to You......

God is good.